A
female
age
30-35,
*occerbabe4
writes:i've been dating my boyfriend for just about 4 years and about 10 months ago i started talking to one of the guys higher up at my work and it is forbidden to do anything with a superior but it was love at first site kind of thing. but let me tell you he is 15 years older then me he has four kids and he's been with his wife for 20 years. i finally got him to give in and sleep with me about a month ago and it was really fast but the way he kissed me gave me the goose bums and i couldnt stop thinking about it for ever. i just got to see him again today and it was great but between the month before today i tried to see him two or three times a week but it was always: my wife called, im tired, or i am going to the gym with my brother, i dont know what to do i love him and i dont know how he feels or what i am to him help me please he is breaking my heart more and more and i cant even tell himbecause before we did this i told him i could wait forever for himand that i dont want anything more than hes willing to give?would it be wrong if i tell him that i love him?or ask him why he likes me?orwhat he sees with us or what he wants from this relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 May 2011):
Thanks for keeping us updated! I'm happy for you that it's over now. Atleast now you can move on and forget about him.
A
female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (10 May 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit is over thank you so much he went to days and that was it i feel sooo much better to know that im not a part of that
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A
female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (2 May 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni gave in to his stupid charm and waited for his ass two days in a row where we usually meet and he never showed promised myself i was done now that that was the last straw for me but i caved in today when i saw him he said he didnt forget that his wife wanted to go with him so he just stayed home instead he asked to meet this week and i said ok i plan on making him talk to me and let him know flat out he cant have his cake and eat it too so ill let you know if he shows up and if we are done=)
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (30 April 2011):
Thanks for the follow up again OP,
You said it didn't work. What happened?
If he can't even bother to cancel when you two were supposed to meet, he's not worth much, is he?
If you two do get to meet again, it will probably be awkward. But that's not your fault. Simply let him start speaking and if he's having trouble too, just say you've got to go back and do something useful because this isn't. You don't have to be nice to him if he can't man up and deal with the consequences of what you two did. Atleast you're trying. If he ignores you, ignore him and just go on your merry way. It was a mistake, one of which you learned from and I hope he did too.
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A
female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (30 April 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah well it didnt work but he his going to a different schedule and i dont get to see him unless he calls me or i show up when hes working or if he writes me a note and leaves it in our locker so i think i am good for now he didnt show up the last two days at where we were suppose to meet so it makes it even easier but i don't know what i'll think or do when i see him again how do i get over that part????
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female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (20 April 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you maverick494 ill do one of them and get back to you soon to let you know how its going
the thing is that he was suppose to switch to days soon so i was going to end it then because i wouldnt be able to see him anymore and it would be easier to get over him but my manager just told me today that i was going to days so that i could work beside her. why cant i just get a break for once?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 April 2011):
Well from what you've written he doesn't sound like a man I'd like to spend time with. He doesn't seem to think highly of you and he orders you around and tests you.
There are a couple of solutions:
#1. You gather your courage and tell him: "I made a mistake when I pursued you. You're not the man I thought you were. I think it would be best to leave it at this. I do my job, you do yours and that's it." He can figure out the implication of those words by himself.
#2. Ignore him. And by that I mean act like he doesn't exist when it comes to things that aren't work related. If he notices and asks, tell him the truth: that you changed your mind about him, that it was what it was, but that's it. It's hard, but you can do it. I was in love with a married man once when I was your age and I managed to be professional around him. If I can do that you can.
One more thing: you were bad and selfish for seducing him, but he was selfish and stupid enough to let you. Sex and work don't mingle. Do not ever forget it.
If you want to redeem yourself, you better start taking matters in your own hands and do everything possible to save the relationship with your bf of 4 years. Either that or end it with both of them and stay single until you've figured yourself out. You need to set your values and boundaries.
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female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (19 April 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i am with my bf of 4 years and i am trying my best to end this whole thing but dont know how to go about it the right wayi love my job and i dont want to lose that over something stupid like this how do i go about it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): It will be a very cold day in hell if he leaves his wife for someone like you.You chased after him even though u know he was married, u even cornered him into having sex with you. You know this married man is not interested in you. He loves his wife and he is not going to throw his marriage away for you.You will be waiting a lifetime and he still won't leave her.I hope u learnt your lesson: married men are married, meaning they have wives and kids, so if someone offers them cheap sex, sometimes they cave in, but they almost never leave their lives for the young hussy.Please you work in a supermarket type environment, upper management will fire your a$$ even before you know what is happening to you. With jobs being so scarce in your area, plse at least protect your job. You cannot have this womans hb, but at least protect your job.Are you still with your bf of 4 years or is he too gone from your life?LoveGirl
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female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (18 April 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni tried the other day to stop talking to him but i work with him for almost eight hours a day for sometime 5 days a week so it is very hard to ignore him. but i split my days up so i could see him and then he didnt show up which isnt a big suprise because he usually doesnt show up. the first time we did it took him a month before we did again and he asked if i was still willing to wait forever and i told him yes and he said we'll see about that. i do very selfish sometimes because his wife knows who i am and she comes in to our work sometimes and she doesnt say anything but she knows who i am and she expects something because she heard my voice when i was talking to him on the phone ooopps that was a huge mistake. and yesterday morning he we were at work and he was by the pizza dept. talking to his brother and another employee and i was about to go outside to go home and right in front of them he told me that i couldnt leave right now because she was outside he told me i needed to go do something for 5 or 10 mins and then i could leave. then we i went outside the meat guys told me they heard this guy final put me in check. i dont know how to get over him help me please
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (16 April 2011):
It's quite clear he just wanted you for sex and nothing more. He pretty much told you. Once you realize that you will be able to move away from him. Learn from it and move on. A guy who cheats on his wife with you without making it clear to you it was just a one night stand isn't worth your time anyway. If you try to hang on to him you will wreck whatever he's got going at home. Unless that's your intention...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): If he is always making excuses, telling him you love him may not make it any better. It might just make you more vulnerable.4 years is enough to figure out if someone loves you. If after all this time he is unable to see or treat you in that manner, he may just be "comfortable" and loving but not IN love. 15 years is a significant age difference. Also, since he is married this should have been something you left behind. Since he's invested 20 years into a marriage, he's not going to give it up that easily. Especially since there are kids involved. (sidenote: think of the kids. self-esteem issues that could come from this and how they are going to view their childhood when they are grown and how this could effect their relationships throughout life). Honestly, I have to say that there was very selfish of you. There was a lack of action for a reason, he has his own life. And right now, you are not only effecting him, but his life, his wife's life and selfesteem, as well as the FOUR children who are involved. Right now, that's a party of seven dealing with an issue involving one or two people.If he was the man for you, he would have been yours. Simple as that. This does not mean you need to try harder, this means oyu need to find someone ON YOUR LEVEL who is also AVALIABLE.Also, things such as "my wife called, im tired, or i am going to the gym with my brother" are all excuses to get away. It sounds like he is feeling guilty or unsure of the situation as he should. He's having doubts and this good.This is not the man for you. He would have left his wife years ago if this was the case. You deserve so much better and at this point you will NEVER get the commitment, emotional connection, and relationship you need from him. Sure, you can foster it on your half but you can not force or trick someone into bringing these key things into the relationship.My honest opinion is that if you wanted a healthy relationship, you would not have gone after this relationship. While I find you at fault, it saddens me because you have already placed yourself out there. You've done more then you had to do to start a relationship. He is not and will not return these things since he is not willing to give up the life that he has built for himself. Please, save yourself. Leave this "relationship". It will go no where. I would also suggest on examining why in heck you're attracted to this man. What has he offered you? Has he even followed through? Are there selfesteem issues that you are trying to work through that made you vulnerable to this? Why work for a mans heart when he is not only emotionally unavailable but has a life of his own with no room for you. You are an amazing (possibly selfish) person. You do not deserve this from him. You do not deserve to treat yourself like this as well. Keep in mind, before you go back to him, who else you are hurting too. He has full control over his actions and is using you to get what he wants on the sly. If he was a GOOD *MAN* he wouldn't have done this in the first place.
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A
female
reader, soccerbabe4 +, writes (16 April 2011):
soccerbabe4 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe thing that gets me and breaks my heart a little more everytime is when he promises something and cant follow through with it or when he does it's bitter sweet cause hes on a timeline. and when i tell him i hate it he always tell me you knew what you were signing yourself up for before we started this. Why cant i leave?before we started doing things he would tell me he loved me all the time but now never but i am in love with him but scared if i tell him how i really feel he will run help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, MamaBear +, writes (16 April 2011):
So, if you should really get this guy in the future, I wonder how much income he will have left after paying alimony to a wife and supporting 4 kids. Think this over and get him out of your thoughts. And 15 years is quit an age span. Think about this, too. Maybe you should look around for another job where the temptation won't be in front of you. Do you really want to be a home wrecker?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (16 April 2011):
Oh dear. Well, I presume you know it's wrong to cheat but you went ahead and did it anyway. You're not the only one to blame because your superior let you and now he's cheating on his wife with you. You'd think that 15 years of extra life experience would have made him wiser, but I guess not.
Anyway, what I suggest is that you break up with your poor bf before you pursue this man any further. Whether you tell him the truth is up to you but atleast let the poor guy go to find a girlfriend who is loyal to him and who loves him for who he is.
As for this married man, have you even properly considered this? He's been married for years. He's got kids. Do you really think he's going to let go of all that to get together with you? You were just a hot young thing to him, a quick lay. He's not going to go through divorce to hold onto that.
What he might try is to make you his mistress. If you're as naive and gullible as you sound, you will probably mistake that for true love. So he gets the best of both: he gets to keep his wife and kids and have you on the side.
So there are two possibilities, both in which he will stay married to his wife
1. You were just a one night stand to him and that was all there was to it.
2. He likes to keep you around and wants you as his mistress.
If I were you I would move on and stay single for a while. You're obviously not ready for a real relationship otherwise you wouldn't have treated your bf like he's nothing.
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