A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I married my wife she was smoking hot. I would say an LA "8". Everywhere we went cars honked at her, I couldn't take a piss w/o a guy taking my barstool and taking his shot. Even women hit on herSo we got married. As the years ticked by she got more "full figured"' then chubby. She got away with it, as she now admits, cause she has just a beautiful entrancing face. Now, however, she is now fat. Her face is not so attractive anymore. Her body? Forget about it. She weighs quite a bit more than me. I just don't feel much like putting my arm around her when it doesn't reach. It's not a manly feeling to cuddle something much bigger than you. Now she is routinely the fattest girl when we go out as a group, or the fattest girl at the party. I still love her, but I am not physically attracted to her at all. My dick doesn't get hard, unless the lights are off, and I imagine I am either sexing someone else, or the younger slimmer version of herOur sex life is down from once a day, to once a month. That once a month is more like a necessary release of bodily fluids, than an intimate or exciting experience. I can't bear to look at her naked.I have told her in nice ways for a few years now that I am losing attraction to her. She cries, goes to the gym for a few weeks, then quits and gets even fatterWhat can I do? What should I do?Stay married, and just forgo the sexual side of my being for the rest of my life?cheat on her discreetly?Divorce her and break up our family?I do resent her for putting me in this position. I think couples have an obligation to stay at least decent in appearance for their spouse. Otherwise it's like saying, "yeah, this twinkie is more important to me than you ever having a decent or fulfilling sex life...for the rest of your life."I know all you Opraphiles will want to go off about true love being about the person inside - but her utter disregard of my having a even decent sex life is reflective of the person insideI just want my old wife and sex life back. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Hell, divorce her and send her my way. I love love love fat women. Never dated a skinny girl in my lifetime. They cant be too big for me so let her go find a guy like me who will adore all her fat and make her fatter.
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male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (25 September 2011):
I think you should be more worried about WHY she got like that. You should be worried more about her than your own feelings because she could have a serious physical or emotional issue going on. To be honest, your last two paragraphs are reflective of the person inside. Just sayin', it's kind of selfish.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): If your wife has always been thin, can u imagine the emotional trauma she must be going through now (being obese). What has brought about this? Just her "new" eating habits? Or some medical problem?
You may not be attracted to your wife but I think that you still love her. Am I wrong?
Perhaps together you both can work on her weight issue. Although you need to be firm with her, U also need to be supportive, ever encouraging and Patient.
My biggest issue is my weight so I can perhaps identify somewhat with your wife. I do the yo yo diet thing (not effective).loss weight. Then put on weight. Lose the weight and then put on.... I am forever on "diet" and I am always searching for a new diet product in the hope of trying to contain my weight. Fool that I am, I should just learn to eat healthy foods and exercise! But my biggest hang up is my weight issues so I try.... My hb always tells me to "think thin" (makes me want to kill him when he does this) but at least we are honest about the weight issue in our marriage. Right now. I am struggling to maintain size 36, so got my work cut out for me. And I will try to lose the added kgs.....
Coming back to your wife: what is obese in your mind. Blunt question: what is her height and actual weight?
I really do feel sorry for you and I emphatise with you: u want an attractive wife, a slimmer and healthy better half. That's good but the reality is that she is fat: so do u follow through with an affair? A divorce? Or suffer in silence with an obese wife? Only u can make this choice BUT choose wisely. I do not think u are shallow in wanting a slimmer version of your wife. At least u are being honest.so what now? Talk to her. Really talk to her. She will be very hurt but this is when your relationship gets tested. Talk lovingly yet be firm. Encourage not judge. And lastly respect her. Bec without respect in a marriage, there nothing really.
I do not have any wise words to give you. The Aunts have covered all aspects. But make your appropriate choices wisely and know that your life may never be the same again....
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if the beholder is sick to his stomach then there's big big problems....
LoveGirl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): well, I believe that marriage is for life - for better or worse.
Thus, if your marriage is going to take a turn for the "worse", then you'll just have to live with it. Because that's what marriage means, and you just can't change someone else, you can't change your partner. If your wife has changed into a different person, that's unfortunate but there's really not a whole lot that can be done about it so I suggest you just learn to accept that this is the way things are from now on and try to be at peace with it.
that's why marriage vows say 'for better or worse.' That means you stay married even if your wife never loses any weight ever and you can never bring yourself to have sex with her again. You already took vows.
No I don't think you can make yourself feel sexual desire for her any more than you can will your eye color to change, but you can learn to come to terms that you are going to have a sex-less marriage for as long as your wife continues to stay fat. You did decide to marry her. You took vows when you got married. Choices = consequences.
I'm really sorry that this is your situation, but it is. maybe once you accept this rather than striving desperately to change your marriage and wife into what you desire, then you'll feel more at peace with your life and marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): I think you simply have to be brutally but lovingly honest. This is a serious issue and potential deal breaker IF she refuses to do anything about it. Just remember she may have some requests for you also. People need to realise that obesity if not hormone or drug related IS a SERIOUS and lfe thteatening addiction every bit as dangerous and damaging as drugs.This simply cannot be debated as it is like debating whether water is a liquid. We are in serious trouble in this country when we do not recognise this. That being said, please do not judge anyone, we ALL have our demons.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I agree with the last poster... I'd like to see a list of ALL the THINGS you love about your wife not related to her smoking hot figure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): How is the rest of your marriage? What ELSE do you love about your wife? Was she a "Trophy Wife" that lost her polish? From your post, it sounds like the only thing you really valued about her was her attractiveness and her ability to make you feel like a man.I will share a little secret. Make her feel like a WELL LOVED WOMAN and there will be no stopping her. Empower her to be better as a complete person, not just a sexual dynamo so you have better sex.Sex IS important and not having great sex in a marriage would be a deal breaker for me too, but what are YOU offering to her to make her feel sexy, wanted, etc.When I feel that way-I want to look my absolute best for my guy! For women, it starts how we feel about our lives on the inside first. Once we EMOTIONALLY connect with our loved ones, we want to physically connect. Consider that she may NOT feel loved, respected, or wanted for HER, but rather just a seminial recepticle for your "release of fluids". If you want to feel like a man-commit to her heart first.It is OK to tell her that you do not feel sexually attracted to her anymore. Tell her you feel tempted to stray. Just be honest. What if an accident happened to your wife that left her disabled/deformed? Would you still love her and be faithful to her?Maybe you do not want a marriage. Maybe you just wanted the Trophy after all.If you want out-earn your way out and do it the right way. Cheaters never prosper.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (25 May 2011):
The female anon brought up an important point: namely that someone who used to be very slim most of her life doesn't get fat without it having a cause. Now, it's natural that once you age, you gain some weight. Our metabolisms slow down as we get older. But the jump from slim to obese is too big to ignore.
There can be tons of causes for this:
- hormonal imbalance
- thyroid problems
- depression-- results in bad eating pattern-- results in weight gain
- medicine (yes there are reports of medicine causing weight gain up to 35 lbs
- The Pill. I have a friend that gained 25 lbs because the doctor put her on The Pill. Severe weight gain was listed as a side-effect.
So before we can really answer your question, we need to know what's causing the weight gain. Because it could be a symptom of an underlying problem, instead of being THE problem.
How was she when she was slim? Did she eat healthily and work out? Or was she one of those naturally lucky people who got away with eating pretty much everything? If the latter is the case, her metabolism has slowed down too much for her to keep going on that pattern and she will need to find help to fight food addiction. If the first is the case and she isn't eating healthy, nor working out today, what is the reason she stopped doing it?
Basically you need to find out if her being the way she is now is because of settling in an unhealthy lifestyle or if there's something bigger at play.
No obese woman is happy with herself. Once you get at that point, the way back seems like a mountain. You're unhealthy, exercising is unpleasant and it takes a lot of weight to lose before you see results. Try to look at it that way instead of making it about you. I can understand you are suffering from it too, but you're not helping her by making her feel more miserable than she already does.
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reader, watshername23 +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I can tell that you love her very much. And its completley normal that you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore. What I suggest is that you tell her nicely that you think she should lose some weight and let her know that you love her, b/c its obvious you do. But this time, instead of her going to the gym by herself, go with her, its been shown that couples who work out together feel more support and are more likely to stick to working out. You guys can eat healthy foods together, support her, do it together, let her know that you support her and you want to help. Work together, thats my advice. If you really love her, you wont cheat. I hope I have helped and I wish you two the very best, good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): To be honest I doubt that you have been as blunt with her as you have been with us and quite honestly you need to be mate. Tell her it like it is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): with most of the posts concerned with encouraging her to exercise and making it a joint effort for support, and focusing her concern on her own health, I want to point out that you can spend the equivalent of an olympic athlete's time exercising and still remain fat if your eating habits are really bad. In fact, exercising more may only increase her appetite. her eating habits must change if she is to lose weight, with or without exercise. And if she's depressed as the reason for overeating, then improving her physical health through exercise and diet is probably the least of her interests. I'm not saying you shouldn't encourage her to exercise, I think everyone should exercise.what I mean is eating an excessive amount of unhealthy food regularly is the main reason she's obese. Not because she isn't exercising enough. "enough" is relative....She can exercise 4 hours a day and still remain fat if she doesn't change her extreme eating habits. There's nothing more demotivating than struggling to stick with an exercise regimen only to not see lasting results (because of self-sabotage through overeating). no wonder she never can stick with an exercise program for long. the question is why did she get into such extreme eating habits? It doesn't seem to be ignorance if she used to be thin. Instead, it sounds like she has developed a food addiction.why do people develop food addictions? often it's to escape depression or escape from something that's painful and that they can't deal with directly. Food is a natural comforter, when it's 'needed' in extreme that means there's some big problem in her life that she feels she can't control so her only alternative is to escape from it via distraction of the comfort of food. I would suspect she has depression or some painful issue in her life that she's unable to handle. if so, no amount of encouraging her to adopt a healthy lifestyle and going to the gym with her and cooking healthy meals will change this. She could still eat a chocolate cake in between the healthy salad meals and gym workouts.I think she needs to deal with whatever is troubling her, head on, so she won't feel such a need for escapism of any sort. then any exercise program will have a chance to get results without being undermined by self-sabotage.
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reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (25 May 2011):
don't feel bad or guilty, it's normal for you to be feeling the way you do.
You can love someone without being sexually attracted to them (you do this all the time with your other family members)
But marriage is a unique relationship because (a) it is to be your ONLY sexual relationship, ethically at least (b) it is also expected to be a sexual relationship meaning that there is the expectation that not only is your spouse your only sexual partner but that you "have" to have sex with them.
Thus, I do believe that getting sexual needs met in a marriage is very important. I don't think it's superficial at all...Otherwise, a marriage without it is a close platonic friendship or a sibling-type familial relationship. That means the relationship has morphed into something different yet the legal status is still a marriage and so the social expectations are still there.
There can still be a lot of love and companionship, but without physical intimacy the relationship is not the kind of relationship that a marriage is meant to be. This could still be OK if both spouses are fine with it. But it's not wrong for one spouse to want the marriage to be a sexual relationship , because marriage (for married people at least) is supposed to be your only sexual relationship.
Thus I do think that in your situation, if you can't get your sexual needs met in your marriage, then you have to either learn to cope with never having sex (which is possible, you won't die from not having sex, monks and priests other people who take vows of celibacy still manage to survive without it).
Or, I think divorce is valid. Yes, I do think divorce is valid in this situation, even though many might disagree and decry it as being superficial and uncommitted. But I think it's valid because if you are chronically not getting your needs met, and the distress from that spills over into the non-sexual aspects of your relationship, then this is going to become a dysfunctional family which will not be healthy for anyone including your kids. It's not just about the sex, it's about the entire relationship degenerating, because an important need that can only be (ethically) fulfilled by the marital relationship is not being met at all. Once you stop feeling close to your spouse - and the lack of closeness is not just cos you're not enjoying sex but because you feel frustrated, deprived and resent her for putting you in this position and she resents you for wanting her to change and for making her feel bad about herself - then it's a dysfunctional marriage and a dysfunctional household. Thus, divorce is valid if it gets to that point.
However, I dont' think you've reached that point yet so there are still things you can try to do to save your marriage.
no, cheating on your wife is not a healthy solution, it's a band aid that can create even worse problems further down the road, like a drug or alcohol addiction. Divorce would be better, healthier and more ethical than cheating on your wife regardless of the reason. The only 'advantage' of remaining married but cheating is that you don't have to publicly admit that your marriage is failing, you can continue the facade. But this is being dishonest to yourself and your wife and kids and will probably destroy your soul eventually.
I think your wife has some deep personal issues that she needs to address that probably led to her obesity. Thin people don't become obese for "no reason"...it's normal to gain 10 maybe 20 lb just from being too busy with daily life to exercise or eat right. But going from thin to being obese (and your descriptions of her sound like she's obese not merely a bit overweight) indicate a deeper personal problem and she's using food to escape from it because she can't or doesn't know how to solve the actual problem or even what it is. So, food is just a temporary cover up to mask her unhappy feelings. But because the root cause of her unhappiness is not addressed or even known to her, her unhappiness keeps returning and thus she has to keep eating to feel OK in daily life...that's my guess at least.
Furthermore, unlike other unhealthy coping mechanisms that people use to deal with unresolved personal problems, overeating and becoming obese often leads to negative body image and lowered self esteem so the original problem is now compounded. And you have been adding to her self esteem issues too by telling her that you're not attracted to her anymore, although I don't think it was wrong of you to tell her that (unless you said it in an angry or non-tactful way) because hiding your true feelings from her or trying to fake feelings certainly doesn't do any good or change anything either. (plus if you can't sustain an erection around her then that's not even something you can hide anyway)
thus I wouldn't rush to a decision on divorce or anything yet, and certainly not recommend cheating on her because that won't solve anything it will just compound your marital problems (if you're so desperate that you're seriously going to cheat, get the divorce instead.) I would recommend that you drop the sexual attraction topic for now, and instead approach her about working out the non-sexual aspects of your relationship, namely focus on what HER needs are, and why her life is out of her control. Tell her that your concern is for your marital relationship. You want your relationship to be good and healthy. Obviously it's not that way now. But don't make it about her needing to lose weight so you can feel attracted. Instead, try to support her in exploring and dealing with her personal issues that caused her to become sexually unattractive to you.
You could suggest couples counseling, or individual counseling for you (to cope with your frustration and sense of deprivation) and her (to explore her personal issues that led her to become obese and unable to lose weight and the negative effects on her self esteem).
And if she refuses or is unable to do that, then seriously consider if divorce would be healthier for both of you rather than maintaining a deteriorating or dysfunctional marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Very often people start to eat too much because they are unhappy. Can you think of any reason why your wife might not be as happy as she used to be? Ask her what is bothering her and when she replies listen to her. If you can discover a reason for her eating habits it will be easier to support her because there is something going on behind the scenes there. It is not just a case of her preferring to eat a chocolate bar rather than be smoking hot for you. It is not that simple. You need to find out if you don't already know, what has led her to over eat. Something has damaged her self confidence and made her unhappy. Over eating is not the problem. The problem is the thing that sent her down that path.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): i've been in your shoes before. i wasn't married to the person, however. while it makes us sound and feel shallow, when you're not attracted to the person anymore, there's a real problem.there's a lot of people who will probably bash you and say that you're only focusing on looks, and when you take your vows, nowhere does it say anything about leaving your husband or wife for them getting fat. when i was with my ex, i couldn't bare the thought of sex anymore. i was completely turned off and quite honestly, repulsed. but the difference between you and me is that i wasn't married, so i left the relationship. anyone who says it's not important to find your partner attractive has clearly not been in the situation of losing their attraction to their partner. it's a little more tricky with a marriage. have you tried going to the gym with her? you say you've gently mentioned her weight and she goes to the gym for a few weeks, then quits. but what if you accompanied her? what if you both set goals and did it together? it may motivate her a bit more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Can you buy her a gift of a personal trainer (preferably male) for say 4 months? That way she will be motivated and committed to a person (other than you) to get fit. She will get her confidence back. Ask her if she wants to change her shape and then tell her you want to help but you need her commitment too. Tell her it hurts you to see her like this and you want to be proud of her. I think your intentions are good, you clearly care deeply for this woman and she just needs a strong message and someone professional who has heard all the excuses and knows how to motivate someone. Perhaps if you plan a beach holiday later in the year that could be the goal? Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Well, I'm not going to tell you that true love is all about the person inside because that's a load of crap. You have to be physically attracted to the person as well as love their personality to be completely happy with them. You said you've talked to her about this (and nicely), but have you tried to find out what caused her to start eating more to put on so much weight to start with? Was she constantly under a lot of stress? Did she get tired of people ogling her and hitting on her everywhere she went so she decided to gain weight to put a stop to it? (Afterall, you made it sound as if she couldn't even walk out the front door without someone saying something to her lol.) Anyway, it is not healthy for someone to put on that much weight, suddenly nor gradually. I think if you can get to the root of what started it, you have begun to solve the problem. I agree with Basschick when it comes to how she should go about losing the weight. And she won't lose it overnight so you'll have to be patient (more than you already have been). I guess that's about all I have to say on this, I'll admit I'm not the best person to be giving advice on this sort of problem because I can't relate to your wife at all since I'm in my early 20s and can barely even wear a size 2 without having to wear a belt because I'm so small, been taking vitamins and trying to gain weight for years. But I still wanted to try and help you, I hope I did.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): I think you've gotten some good advice already. I would just like to add, as someone who's personally been struggling with weight loss over the course of several years, a couple small pieces of advice. Most importantly, the motivation must be there. It is really hard getting into shape, and you're not going to make it through months and months of an increasingly rigorous exercise program if you don't have some really powerful motivation to keep on pushing yourself. That's why doing it together is a good idea. You can motivate each other as you go. Personally, I took up playing tennis competitively, and that was a tremendous motivation for me for some time, until I found out that it is dangerous for me due to having weak ankles...which is why you will want to make sure to consult your doctor first, as Odds mentioned. Anyway, I wanted to get into top shape so that I would be a good player.The same thing goes for dieting. I now have an essentially vegan diet (no meat or dairy) and it is wonderful. Undoubtedly that sort of diet would seem quite difficult to anyone who hasn't tried it before, but I can assure you that once you get going, once you experiment with cooking new dishes and you learn to love good, natural food, it will open new doors for you. Eating will be delightful not only because it tastes great, but because you know you're doing something wonderful for your body. Look it up, get some cookbooks.So, with your help, she is going to have to find the right thing to motivate her. True, she should want to stay in shape simply for your benefit, and surely she does, in her heart...but I just think that there has to be something in it for her, as well, simply because it takes such an incredible commitment and motivation to go from being obese to getting back into good shape. It has nothing to do with how much she loves you, it's just human nature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011):
If you cared about her you'd want her to lose weight for her health, not for you! I am in somewhat similar situation. My wife is not a gross pig, but she went from 100 lbs to about 140 lb. and most of it is in her gut. She looks pregnant in most of her clothes. She feels terrible about it, especially because she used to be a dancer. Trust me, your wife feels worse about it than you do. So, instead of insulting her, encourage her. My wife is back dancing again and went from size 10 to size 6 pretty quickly. Most importantly, she is healthier and feels better about herself. When it comes to our sex life, I could care less. She'll always be that size 2 woman I met in my mind.
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reader, Odds +, writes (25 May 2011):
 Don't let anyone shame you into feeling bad about this. She's failing in her responsibilities to you, to do her best to help make you feel happy, the mirror image of the responsibility you have to her. She is failing in her responsibility to her own health, and she is failing to set a good example for any kids you may have now or in the future. Especially given the patience you've shown her, don't let anyone tear you down about it.
Now, here is where you need to recognize that short-term kindness is long-term cruelty. You are enabling her behavior. You have to take charge here and lead her in a healthier direction. Starting tomorrow, *both* of you go on a healthy diet and exercise program. I don't care if you're in olympic-level condition, you go on the same program as her. Leafy vegetables, lean meat, lots of vitamins and minerals, balanced helpings of carbs and fat, claorie count under 2000 a day. No sweets, alcohol, or other unhealthy things for either of you. Cancel your cable subscription. I don't know of any exercises that help to transition from already being obese to getting thinner, but talk to a nutritionist or trainer - joint damage would put a near-permanent halt to any health plan, so get an expert.
You have to exercise with with her, religiously. Put in the effort with her. Set an example and go through the same stuff as her, and don't let her make any excuses to miss, either.
You need to frame this as building her up emotionally, not tearing her down. "We're going to get in the best shape of our lives together!" is far preferable to "You're fat, do something about it." Only if she slacks off and refuses to work should you replace the carrot with the stick - and I mean really refuses to put in the time and effort - only then do you tell her, gently but firmly, that her weight is a dealbreaker for you, and while you're willing to go through everything she's going through, she has to be willing to fix it or you'll walk. Best of luck.
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reader, adamantine  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 How about you both team up to try and lose weight/get fit TOGETHER? That way she doesn't feel like it's a battle she has to fight on her own. You two ARE married. This is a partnership, not a one man show. You should be there for her through sickness and in health.I suggest maybe going for daily walks at dawn or dusk. Together. You two can just talk and get back into the swing of things while you're walking side by side.Maybe start to change the type of food in your household. If it's not the food, get her to see a doctor for a check up on her blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.How is your shape looking? Are you still the same weight, same body shape you were when you married your wife?Do not cheat on her. This is the worst thing you can do. If you love her, you'll forget about that and rather than pushing her to lose weight, you'll help her instead.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Yes, she has a problem that she needs to address. Yes, she needs to lose weight for health reasons if nothing else. She's a mother to children, I assume, since you speak of breaking up a family, and I'd argue that she owes it to them to be healthy and set a good example. That's HER bad, absolutely.But honestly? It sounds like you married her for her looks and have found out the hard way that beauty alone is not a solid foundation for a relationship (and subsequent marriage). That said, you still had my sympathy until the part where you said it didn't feel manly to "cuddle something much bigger than you."SomeTHING? Really? Your wife may be fat, and she may be ugly because of it, and you may not be attracted to her anymore, but she's still a human being--not an object whose worth is determined by your pleasure or lack thereof. Divorce her, absolutely. You will be doing HER the favor in the long run. Not only will it make an effective wake-up call to her about her weight problem, but she'll be free to end up with someone who values her for more than what she looks like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): She may have an issue with depression. If that's the case, the "intervention" that needs to happen is with a medical professional who can guide her to appropriate treatment. Scope out physicians in your area who are experienced with depression and kindly get her to see them. She doesn't need to be beat up, she needs to be gently introduced to qualified help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): So you say you love her but you want to cheat on her discreetly? If you truly loved her you wouldnt even consider that. Instead of telling her how you are not attracted to her why dont you try to motivate her? Ask her to go hiking with you, get both of you a gym membership, go for a walk or jog together? Idk who does the cooking but y dont you try to learn if you dont know how and cook healthy meals. Take a vacation and fill it with activities that are physical. If it really is that hard to have sex with her why dont you look at porn until you motivate her to lose wieght.
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reader, Basschick +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I'm with you!! And therefore I think you should sit your wife down and tell her what you've told us, blunt and to the point! It's time for an intervention. Yes she will cry, but her health is suffering. Not only is your sex life slipping away, but she's putting herself at risk for heart disease,stroke, and circulatory problems. She should first get a completely physical to make sure her thyroid isn't whacked out (you said nothing about her eating habits). This could be causing her weight gain and she feels helpless to figure out how to reverse it. Once they've ruled out any medical reasons for her weight gain suggest marital counseling. She is using food as a substitute for intimacy and sabotaging her own marriage. Maybe she doesn't feel she deserves you. Whatever the case, buy her a gym membership, or some video tapes, and put on your running shoes so you can help her get into shape. Her physician can give her a good diet to follow, or you could meet with a nutritionist. If she refuses to make the effort, I would move out and do a trial separation. Maybe that will wake her up. Just like gambling, or drinking or drugs when one partner has unhealthy habits that affects the marriage, something has to be done. Good luck. Just keep telling her you love her, and hopefully she'll find the will to join the Biggest Loser or something equally as motivating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): "When I married my wife she was smoking hot. I would say an LA "8". Everywhere we went cars honked at her, I couldn't take a piss w/o a guy taking my barstool and taking his shot. Even women hit on her. So we got married.""Her face is not so attractive anymore. Her body? Forget about it.""I can't bear to look at her naked.""I do resent her for putting me in this position.""I think couples have an obligation to stay at least decent in appearance for their spouse."You only mentioned you loving her once in your post. And everything I quoted above is going off nothing more than attraction. The only reason given for marrying her was that she was hot? The problem isn't her - it's you. You're not helping her with it, infact I daresay you're making it worse for her by "resenting" her as you so lovingly put it. Marry someone for their looks and all you have is the fabrication of a loving marriage, not the actual loving marriage. The fact that you can't get past her weight and ENCOURAGE her instead of beating it in to her that you're losing attraction for her tells me that you don't genuinely love her."I just want my old wife and sex life back."People adapt and grow with age. Are you the same man you were when you got married? I'm sure she doesn't appreciate the lack of support she's getting from you, emotionally. Did she get that support when she was young and slim? Are you THAT shallow with the woman you claim to love?
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