Is my friend a freeloader?
Q. I need some opinions to work out if my friend is a freeloader… For as long as I have known her- 8 years she has always struggled with money- she works full time but doesn’t save anything and doesnt think about what she spends and where. W...
A. 13 August 2023: "Does she sound like a freeloader or have I just totally misconstrued the situation?"
She sounds like she takes you for granted when it comes to paying. Yes.
My thing with this is that YOU never told her, I really don't want to pay for your mea... (read in full...)
I left my abusive partner so why do I feel bad?
Q. I have just left my partner of two years who was emotionally abusive. I have felt unhappy for months living with him but why do I feel even more unhappy without him? Before I met him I was a happy, lived my best life. Now I feel like a shell of my ...
A. 12 August 2023: This is by far the BIGGEST reason why people go back to an abusive partner.
Loneliness.
You HAVE to focus on "getting" back to YOU. The YOU before him.
Habits are hard to break. With a partner you settle into a routine (good or bad) an... (read in full...)
My daughter seems to favour her in-laws over us
Q. Hello, I'm having some issues with my daughter. She has 4 children and I'm always there for my grandchildren whether it be emotional support, bdays, Christmas, and so on. We are close. However, I'm noticing my son in laws family seems to be favo...
A. 12 August 2023: There can be so many reasons why.
But this didn't start with the marriage, your relationship with your daughter already had some hiccups I'm guessing.
Or you live further away, or "too close".
Do you show up out of the blue and expect for ... (read in full...)
Shall I confront my neighbor or not?
Q. My neighbor, on several occasion, whilst I have been away has looked after my indoor rabbits. I’ve never had any issues with her coming to my house and looking after them. My bunnies have their own allocated big room downstairs which is rabb...
A. 12 August 2023: You might need to find someone else to look after your bunnies any time you are in need of a pet sitter.
1. She took a 9-year-old into your house. Someone who you didn't know and someone you had not asked to take care of the bunnies. While a ... (read in full...)
Should I cut off the relationship or give him an ultimatium?
Q. I've been seeing a Male friend who is now divorced. We don't live together. He told me his ex-wife starting coming over once a week to collect junk mail, visit their cats (as he kept all of them), AND she cooks him breakfast while she's there. When ...
A. 8 August 2023: I'm 100% with Ciar,
No ultimatums (you have to real "right" to tell him what he can and can't do in his own home nor control what kind of relationship he has with his ex).
He isn't over his ex, obviously.
Sure, he talks smack about her to... (read in full...)
Writer friend uses me as inspiration but it hits too close to home.
Q. I'm a writer who is friends with another writer. Over the course of the last year, this friend has proven extremely kind, generous, and patient with me. Has taught me many things and throughout this time I've always asked what he got from my side ...
A. 8 August 2023: Be honest and upfront. Tell him that you are hurt that he "mined" you for HIS new book, that he USED your story without consent.
He ASKED to use ONE (a) story and then used YOU instead.
I will say this though, I doubt the world views are totall... (read in full...)
Is he shy? scared? Or not interested?
Q. Female 30s I've recently met someone that I think is interested in me, but a little unsure. He's doing some work for my nextdoor neighbour but I've noticed him always glancing across at me and smiling when I'm around and he's helped me a coup...
A. 3 August 2023: Or he has a partner already?
" Do I take the risk and approach him or do I wait and see if he makes a move?"
If you are ok with potentially being rejected, then go for it.
Glancing at you and smiling doesn't mean he is single or that he wan... (read in full...)
Do I deserve my punishment?
Q. just over a week ago we broke up from school i am 15 me and some of my friends went out and drunk some alcohol we then became loud and started the throw dustbins around by this time we were all drunk, the police were called and i was put in the ...
A. 2 August 2023: Yep, you deserve it.
Your behavior was unacceptable. You know it. Your sister knows it, your parents know it.
SUCK it up, you did something stupid and this is your punishment.
Take responsibility for your own actions instead of whini... (read in full...)
How mad should I be with my BF for talking about our sex life?
Q. So my BF let me borrow a headset and game with him and some online friends he plays with and I got to hear a lot of crazy boy talk. It was geeky boys talking like they are hard core warriors or whatever and a lot of trash talk making fun of each ...
A. 2 August 2023: "we have not done oral sex and he must obviously be complaining about it for them to say something."
No, they were being horny little teen boys. Someone is a little jealous that your BF has a GF and they wanted to tease him.
It doesn't "prove" ... (read in full...)
Nightmare holiday with friend. Shall I end our friendship?
Q. I have not long returned from a weeks vacation with my friend and I had the most awful time thanks to my so called friend who was behaving like an idiot the whole time! I’ve know her for 8 years- we’ve only been away together for weekends, no...
A. 2 August 2023: I had to recheck your ages!
YOU are 40! And can't do excursions on your own?! And enjoy it?
Yes, I ABSOLUTELY get it you two were looking to have VERY different holidays. You wanted to explore and relax - she wanted to "relive" her glory days o... (read in full...)
Have we rushed into living together?
Q. My partner moved in with me in April and he’s told me he feels unhappy and hasn’t laughed or joked in ages. He says it’s not me and he’s happy with me but he’s making me doubt the relationship. He’s told me he needs to lose weight and get his ...
A. 2 August 2023: You two need to sit down and talk, TELL him how you feel.
See how it goes.
If things are already "MEH!" after 3 months of living together ten MAYBE you two aren't really right for each other.
You are already walking on eggshells, that isn't... (read in full...)
Not enjoying being a mum - how do I snap out of this?
Q. I'm going to be brutally honest - I'm struggling with mum life, in fact life I'm general! Back story - I never wanted kids, nor did I particularly warm to them (I'm more of an animal person than a people person!). When my husband and I married th...
A. 31 July 2023: " 'mum talk' tedious"
Absolutely! I took my oldest to a tumble and playgroup and my daughter loved it, I didn't lol the "small talk" was hard but it was good for both of us. For her because she got to socialize and me because I was "forced"... (read in full...)
What is the deal with boss's conversation where I can hear?
Q. Me late 40s. My boss is a lady younger than me but much senior in role. We both were traveling in car for business trip. I was on wheels and she was in back seat. Suddenly, she was talking on phone in chivalrous tone briefly explaining purpose of ...
A. 31 July 2023: I would ignore it. It wasn't about work.
If she is talking about her private life in earshot of others then yeah, she wants you to hear it but also presumes that you will respect her privacy - which is ironic.
"She is very shrewd lady and ... (read in full...)
Why did my friend's daughter think I was going to surprise her with something I couldn't afford?
Q. Not really a question but just an odd situation i found myself in…? My friend invited me to join her and her 11 years old daughter to a trip to the zoo. Her daughter really wanted to do an animal encounter but it was ridiculously expensive so...
A. 31 July 2023: Honestly, your friend set you up.
SHE should have told her daughter that the "special event" wasn't going to happen because SHE can't afford and she asked you, and YOU can't afford it either.
Her daughter being disappointed is NOT your fault, ... (read in full...)
My partner's mum seems to dislike me and it is making things awkward.
Q. Partner and I have been dating for about three and a half years now. Things with his mum seemed okay at first, but I have noticed in the last year or so she has become snide with me and throws little comments here and there. For example, my...
A. 29 July 2023: Kill her with kindness and don't play her games.
That is my advice.
She likes you "less" now because she knows you two are serious.
Or your partner vents about you to his mom. So what she hears about you is mostly negative.
"Recently, ... (read in full...)
Am I being too sensitive over their "marking" of my bakes?
Q. I enjoy baking as a hobby- I’m self taught and often bake for family and friends - I don’t get paid I just enjoy it. On a fair few occasions I have baked cakes and biscuits, cupcakes etc…. For my husbands workplace when they have had charity...
A. 29 July 2023: Oh HECK NO! There wouldn't get another crumb of my baking when they can not appreciate it.
And hubby can do the baking from now on. He is on thin ice.
You are absolutely within your right to refuse.
Besides, now someone else can step up... (read in full...)
Why does my husband cry more over someone he doesn't know rather than his own children?
Q. Im in serious crises and dilemma.My husband just cried when he got the news,. that her favorite singer died, . it was not the first time, . he died, and was devastated a few years ago when another fav singer died,. he also cried, and got very ...
A. 28 July 2023: I think he, like many men, doesn't know how to handle emotions and grief. So, crying over a celeb is a way to let it out but when your son died he might have felt he had to be strong FOR YOU. He might also have cried in private over the ... (read in full...)
Not enjoying being a mum - how do I snap out of this?
Q. I'm going to be brutally honest - I'm struggling with mum life, in fact life I'm general! Back story - I never wanted kids, nor did I particularly warm to them (I'm more of an animal person than a people person!). When my husband and I married th...
A. 28 July 2023: "Note, I was diagnosed with post natal depression and I am on antidepressants already."
Talk to your doctor, it might be you need to up your dose.
Also, being a new mom can be such a big shift from your life before kiddo and it takes time to ad... (read in full...)
Do I have to choose between my brother or his ex wife for the sake of my neice?
Q. Great site...I do come on here sometimes and get good advice. My niece is an actor here in Canada. Somewhere along the way she became addicted to fentanyl. To make matters worse she is based in Vancouver and for awhile she was out on East Hastings...
A. 28 July 2023: "Do I really have to pick one or the other and all that entails? She initiated the divorce."
No one can MAKE you do that. However, IF the ex-wife wants nothing to do with you because you support your brother, you have to accept that the ex-wife ... (read in full...)
Should I just accept the way things are with my family?
Q. I’m really struggling right now and need some help, advice and a bit of love please, Cupid friends. I just feel like my life is falling apart. Especially when it comes to my family. It’s super complex, but I have alcoholic parents who were very em...
A. 25 July 2023: I think you have to accept that you, your brother, and your sister were ALL affected by your parents and your upbring but perhaps not quite in the same way.
So you all have childhood trauma and you have all tried to find a path that helped y... (read in full...)
Husband left me stranded at restaurant after we had a disagreement. Is the marriage over?
Q. Dear cupid I (40f) been married to my husband (35m) for 2 years, dated for about 3 yrs before marriage. Have 1 kid (3 yr). Got a new car recently based on my husband suggestions. He never came to see the car or test drive, I did it and liked it....
A. 23 July 2023: Is your marriage over?
I don't know but your husband acted like an asshat.
Do you two always have these bad levels of communication?
If he hated the car SO much then WHY not go TOGETHER and trade it in for one you both like?
"He does n... (read in full...)
What went wrong with our dating? I thought we were doing ok!
Q. I need advice on what went wrong with this guy. We met in April. He totally swept me off my feet I'm talking expensive dates,flowers a love story. He even gave me money when I was in need. It was long distance and he was coming to me every weekend. ...
A. 23 July 2023: Girl!
Are you blind?
You thought you were doing ok?
The guy was sending messages to other women because he didn't think you two were exclusive.... - which I suppose is fair enough, but you said the messages made it seem like he saw women a... (read in full...)
Shall I hand in my notice at work so I can go to visit my family abroad?
Q. I have a dilemma and not sure what to do… I got a new job in February and I told them at the interview that I had a 3 week holiday booked - (flights already paid for), to Australia in September (I live in the UK). I was told it was fine. ...
A. 20 July 2023: You have the paperwork where they agreed to you taking 3 weeks, so yeah I'd take 3 weeks.
Does your place of work have an HR department?
If so, go talk to them.
If they don't I'd hand in the notice - to be fair. She might renege on you only... (read in full...)
Competitive cousin is making me jealous!
Q. My cousin and I are the same age (literally a few months apart) and ever since we were small she has always been competitive with me. She’d always want what I had or wanted to do things I did like ballet and swimming and then try to beat...
A. 20 July 2023: "How can I stop feeling jealous?"
By ACCEPTING that life isn't a competition.
What you have, you have worked for, she HAD to have a house GIVEN to her in order to have a house. How did she win? Because her's is bigger? So what?
My husb... (read in full...)
How can we politely turn down going to a house being offered for a shower?
Q. A friend of mine will be having a baby shower soon and a mutual friend of ours who had volunteered to host it at her house has had to pull out so we are currently looking for somewhere to go or for someone else to host it. Unfortunately ...
A. 20 July 2023: Find a nice public park and have her shower?
Or take a cab/uber/taxi to and from the place so you don't have to park your car there.... (read in full...)
How do I approach my girlfriend and tell her its ok if she's bi or a lesbian?
Q. Hello people, right so I think my girlfriend might be in the closet, or bi, or maybe just a free spirit, i don't know, let me explain. I know she's had 3 experiences with girls before but she always describes them as "just naughty" or play things, ...
A. 19 July 2023: Why would you be OK with her getting on apps and meeting other people to "meet up with"?
I don't understand you at all.
If this "lesbian" was a dude would you still be OK with it?
To me, it sounds like she wants the "comfort" of dating you ... (read in full...)
His remark has me wondering if I should end our friendship?
Q. I'm a 51 year old woman who is currently single (been divorced 10 years now). I had a relationship with another man two years younger than me straight after I got divorced - a rebound I guess - but this ended up with me finding out he had gone back ...
A. 19 July 2023: Look at it this way, OP
You two dated, he was STILL on dating sites so you broke up. However, you felt bad for him when he got cancer that you offered friendship and support.
You offered to have a movie night with him for his birthday and his... (read in full...)
Is he done with me? He doesn't say so but his behaviour does.
Q. I met this amazing guy a few months ago. I wasn't interested in him at first, but he had been noticing me. He had feelings for me and he'd been analyzing his feelings for about 3 months before he finally told me about them. He told me he was ...
A. 19 July 2023: I would still BLOCK, delete and remove ALL access (to him and from him to you).
What he said made no sense because it was just words... He was trying out what combinations of words you might fall for. That is all.
And apparently, you ... (read in full...)
Should I text him and ask where we stand or should I end it?
Q. My boyfriend asked me for space and time after we had a misunderstanding and it’s been a month now of no contact. When I see him at public events he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking but he makes no effort to come talk to me and doesn’t ...
A. 18 July 2023: I would presume if a BF treated me THAT way, that it was over. I'd block him and pack up all his stuff, drop it off at his house or a friend of his (even better), and work through the feelings of the breakup.
Needing space isn't the same as ignor... (read in full...)
Is he done with me? He doesn't say so but his behaviour does.
Q. I met this amazing guy a few months ago. I wasn't interested in him at first, but he had been noticing me. He had feelings for me and he'd been analyzing his feelings for about 3 months before he finally told me about them. He told me he was ...
A. 18 July 2023: "Should I move on even without closure?"
You don't need him for closure, OP
He wasn't the one for you. That is your closure.
Getting closure is a unicorn of sorts. Even if he was man enough to tell you the "real" reason, it wouldn't auto... (read in full...)
I am extremely attached to my daughter and have no life of my own, by choice
Q. I have turned to DC for help over the years and never once have this lovely site and the wonderful aunts let me down. Thank you all, for your selfless advice and for helping people the way you do:) I feel strange talking about my problem but here...
A. 17 July 2023: The line that struck me was this one -
"I don't have the heart to say no to anything when it comes to her..."
Telling a child NO is not a punishment. It's teaching them boundaries. There are sometimes LIMITS to what they can have, get, eat, ... (read in full...)
How would I even broach the topic of attempting to rekindle something with someone who once hurt me?
Q. Hi there - I have a situation who I don’t know who else to speak to about it. 3 years ago I was in a relationship with someone who I genuinely fell in love with. He had a lot of maturing to do and couldn’t quite seem to get to the point of saying he ...
A. 17 July 2023: Hmm, I think you need to just wish him well.
He was 28 at the time when he CHOSE to go to lunch with a girl he KNEW had a crush on him. OLD enough to know better.
You don't HAVE to have had MANY relationships to understand that IF your partner ... (read in full...)
I seem to keep friends at arm's length. Is this ok?
Q. Hello cupids, This is more of a friendship question. but really keen to get your wisdom and advice! I have always had very good friendships during my life but have definitely noticed a pattern where I prefer to stick to having a couple of very...
A. 14 July 2023: Sounds like you are more of an introvert, you get "drained" from having company, not energized.
I'm the same with most people. I have two "best" friends who never feel drained, I could spend hours and hours with them and see them again the next... (read in full...)
I told my friend she was my forever crush girl
Q. I told my friend through text she is my forever girl crush (I am also a girl) and she didn’t say anything. She usually responds to my text within an hour or less. I have explained it means someone you admire etc. is she uncomfortable did I freak her ...
A. 14 July 2023: "is she uncomfortable did I freak her out?"
Probably.
I think if she had ASKED if you had any such crushes and who they were, sharing it would be just fine, but yeah it's kind of uncomfortable for some to be "named" a crush, especially if th... (read in full...)
I told my friend she was my forever crush girl
Q. I told my friend through text she is my forever girl crush (I am also a girl) and she didn’t say anything. She usually responds to my text within an hour or less. I have explained it means someone you admire etc. is she uncomfortable did I freak her ...
A. 14 July 2023: test... (read in full...)
He's a millionaire but says money is tight. Is he testing me?
Q. I’ve been divorced for 2 years. Separated in 2019. I haven’t dated in many years. Now it’s online dating which is daunting and sometimes intimidating. I’m aware this question is ignorant and judgmental. Please go easy on me. I met another divorcee ...
A. 11 July 2023: " Is he testing me?"
Could be. But it's a bad way to test someone because there are plenty of "dates" you can go on that don't COST money.
Perhaps the REAL reason is he is either STILL married, he is seeing someone else OR he is living far be... (read in full...)
Dealing with a narcisstic man
Q. Has anyone ever dealt with a narcissistic man in a relationship? I am living with a guy who never says he is wrong. No matter what he does, it’s my fault, my mistake, my actions that has caused an argument or a disagreement. He’s always adding o...
A. 8 July 2023: Why are you living with this guy?
If he is just a roommate, find another place OR kick him out if the place is yours.
He sounds like a clown.... (read in full...)
He uses my secrets against me
Q. How do you deal with a bf who uses your secrets against you? We've been together about 2 years. Whenever he argues which is quite abit he decides to throw things on my face. For example I ruined all my relationships and I can't keep a man, I'm ...
A. 8 July 2023: Seems like you have an abusive asshat as a BF, how about you dump him and find someone who will love and support you, not just tear you down.... (read in full...)
Coworker questioning my virginity and sexuality
Q. Please help me address/respond to a nosy coworker. In the past I went to her about questions regarding guys/dating and that I told a guy something about me and I think it freaked him out. It was about my weight and how heavy I used to be-but she ...
A. 8 July 2023: I absolutely second mystiquek
" I would look her straight in the eye and tell her that its none of her business and if she doesn't stop it then you will report her."
STOP sharing private details with people you don't know well enough to t... (read in full...)
How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money?
Q. How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money? We've been together 2 years now and in this time he always asks for money. His latest request is his rent for $1500.00. He is always out of work. Some excuse. I need to focus on my own ...
A. 4 July 2023: Tell him no.
It's a full sentence.
You say: "He is good other than these money issues."
Do you know the LEADING issue for most divorces?
Money.
If he is your age group (so in his 30s) and he STILL doesn't know how to be financially... (read in full...)
I don't want to act jealous
Q. My FWB let his ex wife watch his cats while he was away. He has 4. I wasn't available. She stayed at his home 3 weeks while he was away, and I'm fine with that. She left pieces of clothing and incidentals in his home. She wants to pick them up she ...
A. 3 July 2023: "Should I be OK with this?"
You are the FWB so yeah, you should be OK with it.
The thing is YOU are not. That is why you wrote this post.
Sounds to me that you want more than you be an FWB. Are you being honest with yourself here?... (read in full...)
Is he done with me? He doesn't say so but his behaviour does.
Q. I met this amazing guy a few months ago. I wasn't interested in him at first, but he had been noticing me. He had feelings for me and he'd been analyzing his feelings for about 3 months before he finally told me about them. He told me he was ...
A. 29 June 2023: If I were you I would stop chasing him (because that is what you are doing right now).
Secondly, I think you were a bit over-dramatic with this "friend" and the "incident". I think she asked a STUPID and HURTFUL question but I think YOU took it ... (read in full...)
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