| A
female
age
30-35,
*333
writes: I met this amazing guy a few months ago. I wasn't interested in him at first, but he had been noticing me. He had feelings for me and he'd been analyzing his feelings for about 3 months before he finally told me about them. He told me he was attracted to me because he thought I was a strong woman. He hunted me down on fb and we started chatting and about a month later we decided to go out. Everything was going well and I felt like I finally found the elusive ONE. Until my best friend started liking him too. She began asking me silly things like what would I do if he changed his mind about me and left me for someone better. I was shocked because I couldn't believe a friend of mine would say something like that. When I asked her if she had a thing for him, she got all defensive. Then she ended our friendship, saying she felt disgusted. This came up between him and me and I told him what happened. And instead of having my back like I thought he would, he was kind of defending her, even though he said he wasn't. He was saying that her oddness is to be expected and that she's just a kid. And he also said I take things too personally. This made me really upset. He saw how upset I was and he tried his best to cheer me up but it didn't help. That night after dropping me home, he had texted me telling me not to worry and not to take what my friend said seriously. And he was like, I was just trying to help you keep a good friend. Then I got upset and I asked him, 'What makes you think she's a good friend, if she can say stuff like that? and I also told him that I felt like he dismissed my feelings.' He got upset for this and he said 'you don't know I understand. I don't like how you behave. I had enough. Learn your lesson.' I got really upset and I asked him what he meant by 'enough'. I asked him if he was done with me and us and he said, 'I'm not done, I just have had enough for today.' The next couple days we went to the same parties but he completely avoided me. The day after I texted him to tell him I missed him, and then he said he wants to support me in every way he can, but he's been finding it hard to do lately, and that he's trying to figure it out. I didn't really understand what he meant to be honest. He then asked me for space and time and I said ok, I will respect that. A few days later, my best friend reached out to me. She told me that he had told her i wasn't well and I was depressed and that he was saddened by the end of our friendship. He had hunted her down on fb. I texted him that day telling him that I understood he had good intentions but that I wish he hadn't done that. He said ok and he would stop trying from that point. I know he genuinely wanted to fix the friendship. Yesterday, about 10 days since the incident, I texted him to see if he's ok because he had looked miserable the last time I saw him and I felt worried. He replied saying that he was ok and saying he hoped I was doing better. Then he told me he was praying for my peace. I thanked him and told him I'm ok and not to worry about me. Then last night, he told me to take care and said that he was taking some time off from work and that he would be away. I got really really sad. It cut me like a knife. I don't know what really happened, why he became so cold and distant after that incident. He used to call me his love and baby and now he was texting me so formal like. I had even apologized for the part I played in it. The same day before everything went wrong, he looked deep into my eyes and told me that he really loves me. How could his feelings change overnight? I feel like he has changed and he doesn't want me anymore but I'd really appreciate if he'd just tell me directly. I don't wanna keep messaging and badgering him but I feel lost. I feel like I've made a huge mistake and lost a really good guy. Everything was perfect between us until this incident. I'm so sad and I'm trying to move on. I feel like once he leaves, I'll never see him again. Is it even possible that his feelings changed so much and that he hates me now? And if so, over such a trivial issue? I have never been in such a situation before.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 July 2023):
 I would still BLOCK, delete and remove ALL access (to him and from him to you).
What he said made no sense because it was just words... He was trying out what combinations of words you might fall for. That is all.
And apparently, you are much much smarter than he thinks you are, so good for you.
"He said ok and that he hopes our lives will cross again soon and that he probably will reach out again. "
Nam, man don't fall for the, I'll reach out to you once I have "fixed" myself BS.
Just block, delete, and remove.
And then you move on.
Good luck,
You can do much better.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (19 July 2023):
 So basically whatever he told you was a word salad and pure BS. I don't think he was ever into you and I don't think this guy has his head and heart in the right place. He's not a straightforward person... He's complicated and only he knows what he wants. There's a good chance her was just stringing you along, and that there is someone else in his life.
The mistake that you're constantly making is that you are making him feel like he is extremely important to you and that you have a hard time moving on... By time and again telling him that you ARE moving on! Don't tell him anything, don't respond to him, don't speak to him, don't entertain him....just completely block his number, delete him, and move on like he never existed....because you can do so much better than this person who is nothing but full of you -know -what
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A
female
reader, N333 +, writes (18 July 2023):
N333 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Honeypie. He finally contacted me last night and gave me an explanation. He apologized. He was being cryptic and vague and I asked if he ever did love me and if he does still love me now. What he said was that he doesn’t know how to love me the way he said. Which made absolutely no sense to me. He said that when there’s something he doesn’t like, he can’t be kind and loving… that he finds it hard to and if he can’t be that way towards me then he doesn’t want to be around. He said he’d rather be alone. He said that I haven’t seen the worst side of him and that it’s something he wants to change but it’s gonna take him time. And that he doesn’t see himself overcoming it. It all sounded weird to me and didn’t make sense. I told him I’m moving on. He said ok and that he hopes our lives will cross again soon and that he probably will reach out again. He said that he loves and misses dancing with me. He said he doesn’t want us tearing each other apart. When I asked him why the heck he ignored me for a month he said he didn’t know and he is still trying to figure stuff out. A lot of it sounded so lame to me like he was just making a reason to break up. When I told him I’m moving on he said he knows I will move on. And he said that he had no plan to move on anywhere until that night. Odd
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 July 2023):
"Should I move on even without closure?"
You don't need him for closure, OP
He wasn't the one for you. That is your closure.
Getting closure is a unicorn of sorts. Even if he was man enough to tell you the "real" reason, it wouldn't automatically make you feel better and "get over it" instantly.
You have to do THAT for yourself. As in, DECIDE that OH well, you thought he was a good fit but in the end... he wasn't. Then you block him, you block her and you LET IT GO.
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A
female
reader, N333 +, writes (17 July 2023):
N333 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt’s been a month now and he’s still staring at me from a distance. Doesn’t talk to me at all. Should I move on even without closure?
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A
female
reader, N333 +, writes (2 July 2023):
N333 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you answer, Anonymous 123. I agree, he should have reached out to me instead of to her. Ever since he did, she's being oddly fake and messaging me every day and trying her best to get back into my life. I don't even know why. It's very unlike her. And she knows that he and I are not on good terms. When I didn't respond to her messages at first, she reached out to him and asked him if I'm ok, and he told her that we're not on good terms and that he was sad about it. When she asked him why, he didn't answer. She messaged me telling me all this. I think you're right, she already feels really important and I think she enjoys the fact that he was messaging her and ignoring me. I responded to the text he sent saying he'll be away. I was kind and told him to take the time he needs and that I care. He didn't reply to that message, but I didn't expect him to anyway. That was last Wednesday, that was the last message I sent him and I am not gonna text him again.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (2 July 2023):
Your follow-up put a lot of things into perspective because I now understand that your reaction to your friend's question was not an overreaction to that one question but it was a cumulative effect of all the things that she had been saying about you, which obviously hurt you.
Now coming to this guy. I don't think he is as perfect as you have made him out to be. You're kind of thinking of him as a great catch but I honestly feel that he crossed a line by looking up your friend on FB and asking her to make amends with you. Who the hell is he to try and fix your friendship? And ok let's assume for a moment that his intentions were genuine..... In that case he should have tried talking to YOU. You were his girlfriend, not your friend. He barely knows her! I bet she feels really important and will enjoy if this plays out with you guys breaking up. It almost feels like he's not happy with you ending your friendship with her because that means her can't see her again. I really hope I'm wrong but being oddly playful with her seems just weird to me.
I know you feel awful now and you're thinking of all kinds of dreadful scenarios but honestly, just stop chasing him. If he "loves" you as he says, then this is no reason to break up with you. And if he does, well you know how immature he is and how fragile your relationship was. His loss.
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A
female
reader, N333 +, writes (29 June 2023):
N333 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer, Honeypie. I agree with everything you said. I realize that I probably did overreact. What upset me was that I didn't consider her a good friend because she had been saying weird stuff to me about my relationship for a while, putting me down and messing with my head. It wasn't just one stupid question she asked, but she kept on saying stuff like that to me.
Yes, he didn't know her all that well, but whenever they met, they used to act like kids and all playful to the point where it was kind of odd. I think what made me so upset was the fact that he was defending her and telling me that I took things personally. All I needed was a little support and I didn't like that he reached out to her.
Your answer was very helpful and made me think. Thank you, I appreciate it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 June 2023):
If I were you I would stop chasing him (because that is what you are doing right now).
Secondly, I think you were a bit over-dramatic with this "friend" and the "incident". I think she asked a STUPID and HURTFUL question but I think YOU took it way further than it needed to be taken.
As for him..... The fact that he REACHED out to her so you two could rebuild your friend is just boundary stomping of him. You had he have only been seeing each other for a few months - HE does not know your relationship with this girl and he doesn't know YOU all that well NOR does he know HER.
To be frank, it was NONE of his business.
With all that said, I can see that your behavior can be perceived as a little bit of a turn-off. Because you kinda made a mountain out of a stupid question.
So, if I were you I'd back off. See if he picks up the slack and wants to keep going.
OP, some people will SAY they love you, but they really don't - because THEY do not know you that well. HE doesn't know you well enough to LOVE you. He LOVES the "persona" he THINK you are judging by your social media. That is not love.
Do I think he hates you? Nah, I think he just realized you are a real person, not some "perfect avatar" he made you out to be.
Is he REALLY such a good guy? He might have had potential but when you needed him to back you up, he didn't.
also, if you can find ONE great guy, you can find another.
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