A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have not long returned from a weeks vacation with my friend and I had the most awful time thanks to my so called friend who was behaving like an idiot the whole time! I’ve know her for 8 years- we’ve only been away together for weekends, nothing longer and we’ve always had a great time. I’m 40 and married and she’s 47 and single. We decided to go on a holiday abroad together. We planned everything and pre booked for boat trips, sight seeing tours etc…The first day there everything was fine but then my friend got in to the habit of getting drunk every night- she would be so unwell the following day so I ended up going on the prepaid excursions on my own which to be fair was a little daunting as everyone was paired off or in groups.She’d sleep in all day and then get up for dinner and do it all again.I don’t drink and she knows this and i specifically asked her if this was going to be a drinking/partying holiday as I wouldn’t have gone. She assured me it wasn’t and she wasn’t going to get drunk. I mean she likes a drink but she completely exaggerated out there. I was constantly cleaning up after her and looking after her. She lost her bag and her purse one evening. I had to lend her money. Then another night she fell and hurt her arm so we had to see the dr. Another time she got in to an argument with a waiter. Another time she wanted to bring a stranger to our room (we shared a room).Honestly, I couldn’t relax for one second! The worst thing did that really got me angry was that she decided to stay partying in our hotel with a group of people she had just met. It was gone 2am and I was so tired and had a migraine so I went to bed - she refused to come with me.Well that night she never came to bed- we shared a room. I was so worried about her- she wasn’t answering her phone and I went to through the hotel, spoke to staff to look for her with no joy. I was worried sick!She then strolls in at 1pm- apparently she had ended up sleeping with a guy in the group she met-she went back to his hotel and her phone had died and she couldn’t call me. To top it off she used no protection so I had to go and find her the morning after pill as she was so drunk still! I was angry with her and told her so but she found the whole thing funny! When it was time for us to leave (we had an evening flight) she said she had to pop out to buy some gifts to bring home. I told her not be late as our taxi was picking us up. Anyways she left, I ended up having to pack her suitcase, our taxi arrived and she wasn’t back! Once again she didn’t answer her phone. Luckily the taxi agreed to wait and she arrived 20 minutes later, not a care on the world! I’ve never been so glad to get home! Now I don’t care if someone wants to drink and have fun - she was on holiday and entitled to do so but I hate things like this, which she knows and why couldn’t she have been honest and told me from the start her intentions and I wouldn’t have gone! Since we’ve been back we’ve not spoken. Im debating wether to end our friendship. I had to save all year to be able to afford this holiday and I came back more stressed than when I left!
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female
reader, Chicauno  +, writes (7 August 2023):
 Hi there. Oh girl, I am so sorry your holiday was so bad.
The thing is two worlds seemed to have clashed there. You turned up to have a fun holiday as an adult, leaving your husband at home to spend time with a good friend- except your friend is single and doing what most twenty something
year olds are about. I also know culturally it may be a different angle but let’s put some Spanish on it. Don’t make any of this your problem. She’s a grown adult and made her choices. Don’t worry. I mean- of course, if she hadn’t turned up three days later, that’s different. As for falling out, or ending a friendship- if that’s the hill you want to die on. I’d probably just make a note that holidays aren’t revisited and focus on the good stuff. Sure, it’s rubbish that your holiday was almost ruined by her- would ending the friendship repair that wound or make you feel better? I imagine you’d feel worse. Let it go. Was she really having fun? 47, drinking all night, sleeping it off the next day and parties and hook ups with random men. It doesn’t sound a particularly happy or fulfilled person. Go home, pour yourself a Rioja, count your blessings and book a fun, hip and swanky holiday with the husband or more like minded friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2023): I agree with you that it's of no relevance why you travelled with her and not your husband. Sometimes a girly getaway sounds fun, unfortunatly you went away with the wrong person.
I suspect she is feeling annoyed after the break herself and she probably expected you to also relive your youth however had you done that, your husband would have been filing for divorce right now so good on you for not giving in to her irresponsible behaviour. This will be why she hasn't spoken to you since the trip. You both know the trip was a disaster and both blaming each other. I know - she has a nerve, but some people are just like that, self centred.
That said, you mothered her too much, I would have just made the most of the trip and left in the taxi when she didn't come back. I certianly wouldn't have packed for her.
Your final question, should you end the friendship? I think you should put an end to the breaks with her and certianly distance yourself from her. If she asks again, just tell her money is tight or that you are staying home with hubbie. I won't advice cutting all ties because we rarely do, and it's often easier said than done. Just learn from this and don't be tricked into going away with her again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2023): "I ended up having to pack her suitcase, our taxi arrived and she wasn’t back! Once again she didn’t answer her phone. Luckily the taxi agreed to wait and she arrived 20 minutes later, not a care on the world!"
I could ask you WHY on Earth would you treat her as a badly brought up kid, but for some reason you have accepted that role early on in your relationship.
I ended a friendship AFTER 40 YEARS with a woman I knew since we were born, because her mother had imposed on me from the begining this idea that for some reason I should take care of her daughter emotionally, phisically and otherwise, always saying yes to her needs, basically taking on the role of a mother or an older sister.
If I were you, and as i said I was you, I would end this friendship. She is using you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2023): I’m the poster of this question. The reason I didn’t go with my husband on holiday (I have no idea why this is of any interest to anyone) is because he already took a vacation with his father (who has been unwell & now recovered) & his 2 brothers on a lads vacation the month before my holiday.
We are however planning on going away together at the end of the year just the two of us, a mini break. Hope this soothes everyone’s curiosity lol
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 August 2023):
 You both had different ideas of what this holiday meant. You wanted a more mature holiday while she was just being a teenager all over again. I have a question though, why didn't you go for this holiday abroad with your husband?
To answer your question, if I were you, yes, the friendship would be over but not for the way she behaved on this one holiday. It would be over solely for the fact that I got a chance to see this person in a new light and it clearly does not align with my values, beliefs and conduct.
She is clearly not the person you thought she was, she duped you and even took advantage of you. Your feeling of betrayal and disappointment is justified. So yes, just drop this friend and next time go with your husband .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2023): Wow!! I’m so sorry you had such a terrible holiday!
Your friend was very irresponsible- if it was me I’d be on the next flight home without her! I wouldn’t have stuck it out so FairPlay to you.
I don’t think she is a real friend to be honest…. Especially if you discussed your concerns with her beforehand. I’m guessing she lied to you to get you to go with as she couldn’t find anyone else…
I’d distance myself from her- if she apologizes & is genuinely sorry then maybe give her another chance, otherwise cut ties with her! But never go away with her again.
I’m not sure why “Honey pie” bought up your age that you can’t enjoy excursions on your own…. I’m 45 & hate doing things like this on my own, so I understand. I know plenty of people older than you & me who don’t like to or can’t go places by themselves. Nothing wrong with that. Each to their own.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 August 2023):
 I had to recheck your ages!
YOU are 40! And can't do excursions on your own?! And enjoy it?
Yes, I ABSOLUTELY get it you two were looking to have VERY different holidays. You wanted to explore and relax - she wanted to "relive" her glory days of her 20's.
I'm sorry you felt you had to "mother" a 47-year-old woman on your holiday!
"To top it off she used no protection so I had to go and find her the morning after pill as she was so drunk still!"
Why? THAT is on her! Not your problem!
"When it was time for us to leave (we had an evening flight) she said she had to pop out to buy some gifts to bring home. "
I would have just gotten in the Taxi and left. FUCK her, she can find her own taxi and get to the airport!
"Well that night she never came to bed- we shared a room. I was so worried about her-"
SHE IS 47!!!!! You are not her babysitter or her nanny!
I would absolutely BLOCK, her delete her contact info, and forget ALL about her.
Next time go on holiday with your husband.
Sorry, you had such a stressful holiday.
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