A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money? We've been together 2 years now and in this time he always asks for money. His latest request is his rent for $1500.00. He is always out of work. Some excuse. I need to focus on my own issues rather than support a lazy man. I've told him I'm not his bank. That doesn't sink in. He is good other than these money issues.Aby advice please
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2023): Hi, he's using you Hon. Don't let him. Find someone who's worthy. As for the comment from one of the aunts, saying she's dumb doesn't solve anything. Remember she's asking for advice not to be bashed.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2023): Dump him. He is a leech.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2023): How can you say he is good in other ways? He is a financial leech, lazy and irresponsible. For all you know he is doing this to other women who also send him money and think they are his beloved. You are paying money for the privilege of calling him your partner, so that he pretends to be your partner when he can screw you for more money. He says his rent is $1500. In which case he should get a proper job or move into a much smaller, worse and cheaper place, not be quick to have others pay for it. And how do you know the rent is $1500 it could be a lot less and he lies about it. I am sure he has lied to you about many things. For all you know he spends some of the money you send him on a girlfriend or wife.
Guys like this use women for money, they dont love them or care about them. If he cared about you he would be concerned that you are going without money to give to him. And you are working hard to save him the bother.
You are incredibly dumb and naive. A doormat.
Men don't fall in love with naive doormats. They call for women who are more mature and have more self esteem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2023): Sounds like you trained him well lol. Every time he asks you give him money?
I would ask you too if I was him.
Do you know how easy it is to say NO? The first No I heard from my parents who taught me well how not to ask for help if I can do it myself and how to live within my means .
Useful to know this fact : you can never be sure that what Pepe are asking you money for is the real fact . How do you know and how is it verifiable that he needs money for rent ? Just imagine a scenario where he already paid his rent and is asking you money solely for one reason : because he knows he will get the money and then he can use it how he wants . Some people
Make it their carrier . Some have several “ sponsors” that they go when they have a need for designer shoes .
I have a childhood friend who once unfortunately went to Africa and as it often happens met a guy. It turned into many years of her traveling back and forth to be with the love of her life . She had a good job with moderate income. She already had grown kids who were financially well off so all the money she made she spent on herself and saves some . And then her African friend came into her life. He behaves first few months but then he unleashed. First there were small requests for iPads and phones and clothes and may be little help with his kid school. Before she knew she was paying for a school, health insurance , cable TV and all sudden things that happens to him in his life in Africa.
At one point he convinced her to buy him a car because as he put it they would not have to rent one in their travels. Very soon he became more and more demanding . He started getting mad at her when she wouldn’t give him what he asks. He would point out to her how she spent money on her vacations instead of giving him money for his life needs.
At one point she had a nervous breakdown . She became depressed and her kids insisted she gets some professional help . She had one year of therapy . The most important thing she learned from her doctor is that how easy it is to say NO. Without any explanation . Without feeling guilty and getting frustrated .
My friend started saying No on every request her boyfriend ask her . His demands shrank in size and volume . I’d first he asked her money for new roof or a new car , now he started asking for a school trip for his son of 30$ . She said NO to every single one of them .
She was doing well but she was very nervous of going back there and handling this part where they all lovey dove tans he asks her for money again.
Her trip didn’t even start and her boyfriend already asked for new phone.
The fact is that she kept bringing him expensive phones every year and not one . All his extended family has phones from her. Demands increased over the years over quantity and quality . All of them preferred Samsungs lol. Each phone was 200$ and up. That was the first time in years when she said NO to another phone. Her boyfriend got very angry . He even called her cheap.
She ignored his texts for a week and then he went back to being loving and said he couldn’t wait to see her again and he doesn’t need anything from
Her.
So she went there and first week everything was amazing. They went on a short trip and she stayed in his house that she actually repaired for him years ago.
Then he started digging under her again. She kept saying No on every demand. At first he was getting mad and then he calmed down . At the end of the trip he became almost normal lol.
When she came back she said she couldn’t believe how easy it actually was to keep saying No . He started asking her less and less and the last week they spent together her not once he asked her anything .
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (4 July 2023):
 You already know what you need to do. You just don't want to cut the cord but you need to. He thinks of you as an ATM, a cash cow. He will continue to sponge off of you as long as you allow it. Just say no. Say it and mean it. He will either accept that you have called him out and change (doubtful) or he will move on for another. Don't sell yourself short! You deserve a man who checks off all the boxes and doesn't grab your wallet when the bills come in. There are more fish in the sea sweetie. I'd throw him back and cast my line. You can do better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2023): It does not sink in because you say one thing and do another .You say "no", "I cannot " "I am not your bank " but then you keep sending him money. Now he knows that he just needs to insist a bit and eventually you yield to his pressure. It would be simpler if you stopped arguing, discussing, pleading, explaining .Just ,let him babble and do *not* send him money. Rinse and repeat until he realizes that the gravy boat actually got dried up. TBH, I must say that I feel that when he realizes that, also his love for you will dry up and he'll vanish . If I am wrong, I will be very happy that I was wrong. And if I am right , you will stop mistaking exploitation for love, and this will be a very good thing. So in your shoes I would start the experiment right away.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 July 2023):
 Tell him no.
It's a full sentence.
You say: "He is good other than these money issues."
Do you know the LEADING issue for most divorces?
Money.
If he is your age group (so in his 30s) and he STILL doesn't know how to be financially responsible, he NEVER will be UNLESS he gets to a place (like not having a roof over his head) - he is not likely to EVER be financially responsible.
It's OK to say NO I can't pay your rent or loan you money.
Does he ever pay you back?
|You already know what do do, you just choose to ignore the Red flag of being financially irresponsible. And you are HOPINg he will "fix" that issue. It's unlikely that he will.
"I need to focus on my own issues rather than support a lazy man. "
You are not made of money and it's NOT your responsibility to BAIL him out when he CHOOSES to not get a job and keep it.
YOU DO NOT OWE him your money!!!
Honey, move on. Find a guy who is a good fit in ALL areas!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (4 July 2023):
 He is not working, he is sponging money off of you left right and centre and i'm guessing you never see a penny of it back.
You have told him you are not his bank, but this does not sink in. Well I suppose he has got used to being a man of leisure having money given to him for the last two years.
I am suprised you have let this go on for the last two years, and I am betting he is as well as i am sure he can't believe his luck.
SO apart from him taking financial advantage of you, in what other ways is he good then?.
Well I think if he is still acting like this after two years the chances of him changing anytime soon are rather slim.
Step up and stop being his bank, tell him a big fat NO, you are not giving him anymore money and tell him to get a job, or at least sign on.
If things don't change I advise ending this relationship and finding someone who works with you not against you.
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