A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Great site...I do come on here sometimes and get good advice.My niece is an actor here in Canada. Somewhere along the way she became addicted to fentanyl. To make matters worse she is based in Vancouver and for awhile she was out on East Hastings in Vancouver...conceivably homeless in an attempt to fund her addiction. Add to this mix bipolar.I suspect one fed off the other. I personally believe a part she plated factored in here and I have done what I could to support although I live a fair distance away.In early July she fell from the third floor balcony of her apartment and has been hospitalized ever since. She is still very traumatized and she cannot remember if she jumped hoping self harm,jumped because she was high or was pushed.My issue is with her parents.She is my brothers daughter and he and ex wife have been apart for 18 years but she still hates my brother although engaged to a nuce guy. She tells everyone she hates my brother even some of our mutual friends. He has been pretty discreet and has remarried with a young child and wishes she would get settled to stop her hating him.I have stayed on good terms with her for the sake of my niece and nephew but have asked her to stopping dissing my brother.He flew out to see his daughter when she and her posse of people were not there as he knew he would not be welcome. My niece was happy to see him. He is not a great dad but he tries.Because I have backed him I now also wearing the black hat and have had trouble getting her to the phone while the aunt on her side has no problem.I feel like I cannot win...If I support one of this estranged couple I anger the other the other one.Why is this couple behaving like this? They have both moved on.I feel I could negotiate getting on with them both and have other years but am tiring of it.Do I really have to pick one or the other and all that entails? She initiated the divorce.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 July 2023):
 "Do I really have to pick one or the other and all that entails? She initiated the divorce."
No one can MAKE you do that. However, IF the ex-wife wants nothing to do with you because you support your brother, you have to accept that the ex-wife wants nothing to do with you.
That would be HER choice.
While I BET there is a GOOD reason they divorced and she HATES your brother that doesn't mean you HAVE to hate him too.
Support your nices as best as you can. If the ex-wife wants nothing to do with you, THAT is her loss.
"I have stayed on good terms with her for the sake of my niece and nephew but have asked her to stopping dissing my brother."
I would have told her that she is ENTITLED to her feelings but you do not wish to DISCUSS your brother AT ALL with her. All you want is to support your niece and nephew. If she is not OK with that... Good luck to her.
Also, I'm sorry about your niece. I hope she will recover and find sobriety and a good life.
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