A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidI (40f) been married to my husband (35m) for 2 years, dated for about 3 yrs before marriage. Have 1 kid (3 yr). Got a new car recently based on my husband suggestions. He never came to see the car or test drive, I did it and liked it. He hates the new car so much everytime we drive together he brings up how much he hated it. It's been too much for me to hear it day in and day out. Long story short, we went today for breakfast and our kid is with grand parents for her weekend. I snapped when he again brought up how much he hates the car, and told him he can sell this one and I'll buy one for me, since I like new cars. He lost it and said we are leaving now, mind you we just got seated and did not even order anything yet. I told him we came here to eat, let's eat and go, he did not want to wait.he just left in the car stranding me in the restaurant. We live kind of rural place and there is no reliable Uber service. I called him and he won't pick up. I am not originally from this country, and don't have much friends around here who can pick me up and I did not want to call his parents, they always back him up whatever be the case. Atlast one of the diner employee offered to drop me home when their shift ends. My kid is still at grand parents home. Husband did not even pick her up.Is my marriage over? What should I be doing? He is not physical ever with me or our kid. Never raises his voice with our kid and he is a good dad to her. He does not like it when I talk back , and when he complains about something I cannot even say anything , but if reverse happens he will yell me for complaining and say deal with it. Would appreciate any kind words or advice, thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2023): Taken out of the context of any relationship - the way he acted is NOT OK. Leaving you without transportation is simply unacceptable.In order to answer your question, I would have to KNOW both of you. How does he usually act when he's unhappy with something?Relationships are complicated.You are a foreigner living in a foreign country. Are you independent? Do you have the citizenship of the country you live in? Do you work and earn enough to support yourself and your child?If you are financially dependent on your husband, buying a car becomes a tricky issue. You say that you have bought the car based on his suggestions. I’m not sure what it means. It looks like as if you hadn’t really discussed the actual model before you bought it. I cannot imagine buying something this big and not discussing it in detail with my husband (and vice versa). If your husband is otherwise a decent person and it was you who pushed an agenda, his reaction could be understandable. If you are spending his money, maybe he just had enough of this kind of behavior and acted like a jerk, because he just can’t stand it anymore. If you did that, that’s called being passive-aggressive. People who avoid confrontations (e.g. discussion on which car to buy) in order to have their way (manipulation, like facing your partner with a “fait accompli” the already bought car ) are passive-aggressive. When their partners react in an inappropriate manner, these people have a tendency to paint their partners in a bad light, neglecting to give a full picture of their relationship. If you are financially independent and contribute equally to the family budget, then you buying a car becomes your issue and your issue alone. If this is the case, his reaction cannot be explained and is a major red flag.These are just two basic possibilities. Without you giving more information about your relationship it is impossible to have an opinion.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (24 July 2023):
 You dated for around three years before marriage, did he not display any of these signs during this time. I find it hard to believe he all of a sudden just turned into this controlling guy once you tied the knot.
If you are really unhappy and don't think that things are going to change anytime soon then maybe just obtain some legal advice and see where you stand with regards to getting a divorce.
At the end of the day the health and well being of you and your child are what is important. Life is too short to be spending it with someone who makes you unhappy and brings you down all the time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2023):
 Is your marriage over?
I don't know but your husband acted like an asshat.
Do you two always have these bad levels of communication?
If he hated the car SO much then WHY not go TOGETHER and trade it in for one you both like?
"He does not like it when I talk back" Well TOUGH COOKIES for him, you ARE allowed an opinion, you know!
"but if reverse happens he will yell me for complaining and say deal with it." So he is a yeller. Trying to make you do whatever by intimidation of yelling.
Is he really someone you want to be with long-term?
Are some of these "cultural differences"?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2023): I can absolutely assure you his behaviour is a MASSIVE red flag. His constant put downs about the car and then the minute you quite rightfully stand your ground he punishes you in way that no loving person would EVER do. In a way that was downright dangerous and humiliating. He is trying to do this to 'bring you to heel' and keep you small. You will try and justify his behaviour or just keep the peace by begging him to be nice to you. My abusive ex husband did this exact thing to me. Read the book Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft... and read it soon.
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