A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me address/respond to a nosy coworker. In the past I went to her about questions regarding guys/dating and that I told a guy something about me and I think it freaked him out. It was about my weight and how heavy I used to be-but she assumed it was because I told him I'm a virgin (And I didn't want to tell her about my weight thing). In fact I don't really trust this girl and feel knowing her now she is just a big gossiper. So ever since I guess in part because of my age and not being married she will often ask me if I'm a virgin-admit it etc and also has asked me several times if I am lesbian. I don't want to answer because it's none of her business and I feel she just wants to gossip about me (Which she probably is anyways). I don't want people at work to find out/gossip things about me due to this. What should I say or do to address it? I don't understand why she is concerned or wants to know anyways? She said one time she likes teasing me, so I know it's best for me to play it cool and not show too much emotion so she doesn't get a rise out of me.
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at work, co-worker, lesbian, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 July 2023):
 I absolutely second mystiquek
" I would look her straight in the eye and tell her that its none of her business and if she doesn't stop it then you will report her."
STOP sharing private details with people you don't know well enough to trust.
And this coworker is someone you need to put on an information diet. Be professional at work but don't share anything about your private life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2023): I do have to wonder what line of work you're in? The reason I ask is because in a professional environment, joking about somebody's sexuality and asking if they're a virgin is actually considered to be sexual harrasment.
I would consider seeking advice from your HR department on this. Male or female, no matter what sexuality or gender etc, she is way out of line and needs a lesson in dignity at work.
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A
female
reader, TryingToBeFree2023 +, writes (7 July 2023):
 OK, you made a mistake in judgment by going to a coworker about something personal. You can't fix that, but lesson learned I guess. I'm truly not trying to be mean but if you can't be specific, 'Hey Charley, I told this new guy Derek I'm seeing that I used to be real heavy and I think it freaked him out', then maybe don't bring it up. Why she thought "virgin" or "lesbian" is anyone's guess. My first thought would have been child placed for adoption, curable STI, extended hospitalization... something that might come up and blindside you. Doesn't matter.
She was and is out of line. As the others have said, tell Coworker she's out of line and it's not funny or cute and tell her to stop. If she doesn't, feel free to report her. Absolutely. I'm sorry this is happening to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2023): It is clear that you are timid, shy and lacking in confidence so you make a perfect target for someone like her - who gets her kicks out of upsetting you with these questions. That is why she does it. Obvious. All the time you go red and squirm when asked she enjoys it and does it more. You have to act as if you do not care.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 July 2023):
 She is out of line not to mention rude. You owe her no answers and no explanations. I would look her straight in the eye and tell her that its none of her business and if she doesn't stop it then you will report her. I believe what she is doing could be considered harassment. Maybe she'd like to be fired. Do not let her intimidate or bully you!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (7 July 2023):
 Your life is none of her business, she is there to do do a job as are you and she really needs to stop asking you questions and being nosy about matters of a personal nature.
keep doing what you are doing and just deal with her of matters that are only work related. If she does it again just walk away.
If it keeps happening I would firstly take her into to a meeting room just the two of you and tell her to stop and tell her if she does not you will take the matter to higher levels.
If she still keeps on tell you line manager and get some thing reported.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2023):
Just smile and do lil head tilt when she asks these question and respond with " why ..insert her name, that's personal, ain't nobody but my mama and jesus getting info on that "
Just keep smiling through it and remember don't share anything at work; you don't want everyone to know .
Chin up sweetie
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