A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My cousin and I are the same age (literally a few months apart) and ever since we were small she has always been competitive with me.She’d always want what I had or wanted to do things I did like ballet and swimming and then try to beat me at it.As we grew older she copied me more and more which I didn’t mind as I felt it was a compliment she wanted to be like me. However I did have issues with her being competitive I.e in exams or sports etc… as she would get extremely nasty if she won and equally nasty if she didn’t. Things then became spiteful when I got married - it’s too long winded to explain but let’s just say she purposely organized an event shortly after we got married to upstage our wedding!!Recently my husband and I bought out first house- we spent years saving and making sacrifices- we had no help and we have a lovely 2 bedroom terraced house. It’s nothing special but it’s our own home and it was nicer than us living in a rented home. My cousin hated the idea of us being homeowners (she up until this point always lived at home) so imagine my surprise when she threw it in our faces that her mum and stepfather (who by the way is very rich) bought her a huge 4 bedroom detached house! She has been rubbing our noses in it ever since. I’m not ashamed to admit I am jealous- she has everything she wants handed on a plate (even with our first cars, I ended up with a pre owned old car whilst she was given by her mum and dad a brand new BMW).I’m not usually a jealous person but I think it’s unfair that she is so lazy, barely works and gets everything she wants and I have to scrimp and save and work so many hours for so little - as does my husband. I know life isn’t fair and I need to accept it - it’s just hard seeing someone have everything handed to them. We live in a small village so she is hard to avoid. My parents tell me to ignore her but it’s becoming more difficult.I have spoken to her about her attitude multiple times but she obviously disagrees telling me I’m imagining it. She then becomes extra nice for a month or so and then goes back to her vindictive ways. She’s so manipulative! How can I stop feeling jealous?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 July 2023):
 Poor little rich girl. I can understand her being jealous of you, but what does she have for YOU to be jealous of? Constant insecurity, which drives her need to compete, and her step-daddy's money? Sheesh. (I am rolling my eyes here.)
I think this is as much about getting to you as it is about one-upmanship. She loves getting a rise out of you. You can't control what she does or says, but you sure as hell can control how you react. So she's been given a lovely house? Tell her "Wow, you are so lucky. That is a gorgeous house. I hope you will be very happy in it." What you ACTUALLY feel about it is none of her business.
There will always be people luckier than you, better off than you, more accomplished than you. You can't spend your life being jealous. Concentrate on what you and your husband have achieved, not what someone else has. Your only competition should be with yourself, always striving to do better and achieve your goals.
Be happy with what you have achieved, because it sounds like a lot. There are millions of people who would be delighted to own there own home, regardless of how it compares to someone else's. And be happy (or, at least pretend to be) for what your cousin has got. Trust me, you will feel so much better if you stop allowing her to wind you up.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 July 2023):
 Are you seriously jealous of her? Don't you see it?? She's jealous of YOU and has always been! That's why she always tries to upstage you but because she cannot do it in an honorable and "correct" way like you, she just throws money at it and wants to outdo you. She's insanely jealous of you and your marriage, the fact that you bought your own house with your husband, that you're happy! And clearly she isn't! Stop being jealous of someone who's more jealous of you :D
Enjoy your life, your success, your good health and happiness because even though it might not seem like a lot to you, it's someone else's dream.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 July 2023):
 "How can I stop feeling jealous?"
By ACCEPTING that life isn't a competition.
What you have, you have worked for, she HAD to have a house GIVEN to her in order to have a house. How did she win? Because her's is bigger? So what?
My husband and his brothers are a bit like that too. One of them gets some "toy/thing" and then ALL of them want it. It's silly and I refuse to participate and my SIL is the same. She and I actually have a good laugh about it when it happens.
Stop giving your cousin so much power over your life!
LIVE your BEST life and hope that she will live HER best life.
But do cut contact with her to a minimum. You two are oil and water. You don't mix well.
Make your house into a lovely home, live your life.
So what if she has things you wanted or if she copies you? Who cares?
I think SHE enjoys your reactions more than one-upping you.
If you had acted REAL happy for her with her new house it wouldn't have been as fun for her to get it. It's because you can't hide your jealousy that she feels she "wins".
So turn it around on her. If she is bragging or trying to one-up you, be profusely happy for her (at least to her face lol) If she talks about her new house, tell her it's SO lovely and how nice it was of her stepdad to gift her a home.
Trust me, when she can't "FEED" of you being jealous anymore she will either slow down on her shenanigans or bug someone else.
This is how you two have treated each other for yours and what has it gotten you? Either of you? Resentment. That is it.
Focus on the GOOD in your life. What makes YOU and your hubby happy. Not what she has/owns/does or thinks... because no one cares!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2023): I would stop hanging pout with her and see her only when it is absolutely unavoidable, liek family gatherings, etc.
I am lucky, since I moved to another country, but I had a friend like that since childhood. Her mother was always imposing her daughter on me, as if I were somehow responsible for her. It went on for 40 years like that!
She would abuse our friendship, and my family's and my kindness and go behind our backs talking sh**. Plase don't ask me WHY I let this happen. Never, EVER, let a narcissist trick you into playing theri games. In my case, I wasn't playing, there w&as no comlpetition, I wanted to help her. silly me.
Anyway, the details were the same. I had to work my ass of and she got everything from her parents. The only thing they couldn't buy for her was a partner/bf/husband. She has never had one. She has always chased rich (and famous by he stanadards) men. They were like a branded handbag, something she would like to use to rub it in world's face.
The best thing I did was to cut her off completely out of my life.
Since you cannot not see her in the street, just be polite and never ever call her, or write or respond to her texts.
Focus on yourself and your family. And don't try to talk to her about this. By now you know that she is impossible to talk to.
And by the way, it's normal to want better thiongs in life, have a house, make events... so her copying you as you said is not the porblem. But her wishing to show that she is better than you... that's another thing. She is toxic.
She has a big EMPTY House. Who knows, maybe this makes her happy.
Cut her off as much as you can.
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