A
male
age
36-40,
*azanobody
writes:I'm a writer who is friends with another writer. Over the course of the last year, this friend has proven extremely kind, generous, and patient with me. Has taught me many things and throughout this time I've always asked what he got from my side and if I could in any way repay him to balance out the friendship. In the last week, he has been writing away and asked me if he could use a story I anecdotally relayed to him that happened to me. He made it seem it was a small thing. Increasingly when talking about the work he became anxious eventually I said I'd noticed he was nervous about his writing and offered him an hour or so to help iron out his concerns, I gave him advice about embracing fear and failure for growth. He asked me if I could read the work and see if how he had used the information was ok for me. I read the work, and recognize the protagonist feels entirely based on conversations we had, or more precisely things I'd told him about how I see the world. There are 6 or 7 examples. It feels like a caricature of me but also has extracted my essence. I'm shocked and surprised. I went through our conversations and found very similar things I've said: entire world views that are unique to me have been lifted and placed in works. I feel extremely confused and hurt by this friend, I feel used and conflicted. Please help me process how I respond, I do not wish for conflict but I'm shocked he never was forthcoming or asked for consent. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (13 August 2023):
 In fairness, all writers need inspiration from somewhere. They don't just "make up" stuff they write; it had to start somewhere. Personally, I would be flattered that my friend thought enough of me to write my story. He finds your story - and, by extrapolation, you - interesting enough to want to share with others.
I have toyed with the idea of writing a book and every character I have thought about in it is based on someone who is/has passed through my life.
In your shoes, I would be flattered. I'm sorry you feel differently.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2023): I asked my husband for permission to write about his life, his parents, grandparents, his family... I didn't go around asking all these people for their permission. Some of them ar edead anyhow.
I'm not saying that what your friend did was ok. So you should tell him what you think. However, there are many common places, that are not unique to one person. We all love, lose, suffer... he may tell you that he was inspired by someone else entirely and there is nothing you can do to prove him wrong.It all depends on how honest he is.
You need to be honest too. Are you hurt that he found inspiration where you couldn't and it's your own life? It's not such a weird thing. For most of us it is easier to write about someone else.
As long as he's not using things that can make poeple easily recognize you, you should be fine.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 August 2023):
 Be honest and upfront. Tell him that you are hurt that he "mined" you for HIS new book, that he USED your story without consent.
He ASKED to use ONE (a) story and then used YOU instead.
I will say this though, I doubt the world views are totally unique to you. However, HE got them from you.
No one will read that book ( I'd wager) and go: "OH that is Gazanobody!".
That doesn't mean it's OK what he did.
You need to talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2023): Not sure what the fuss is about. It's not as if you are famous or anyone would care what you do? You are an unknown ordinary person and always will be. If your friend writes about you nobody cares. They would only care if you were Brad Pitt or someone very well known.
You often find writers use someone for ideas.
And please stop calling yourself a writer. You are only a writer when you stop doing other work to pay the bills and earn enough money from writing to pay your bills. Otherwise it is just a dream or a hobby.
There are millions of people in the World with the dream of being a writer, dancer, singer, actor, most of them never ever get paid for it, but at least be honest with yourself about it.
If you are an amateur fine. If your friend is fine. It may well be why you get on well.
No serious professional is going to give you free advice etc. They are too busy earning money and doing their paid work! But they are the ones who could answer all of your questions and give you real help. Very often with amateurs it is the blind leading the blind.
I work as a professional writer, for the website askagonyauntsadviceonline.com. I get very well paid for it. But I would not say I am a writer if I were doing it for free or just in my spare time.
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