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*ueeny63
writes:Ok..I previously posted a question...I went on a blind date with a gentlement who I was talking to for 2 weeks..we were constantly on the phone and texting galore..It felt fantastic, he learned about me and I of him... I'm not big, but I'm not a size 6-8 like he prefers. I'm a size 10-11...and I will get back to an 8 because I'm exercising and I realize that the men who are in their late 40's are looking for slim and fit women. I'm attractive...I carry myself well, and I have a heart of gold...and they realize this ...but when we meet, they are nice and they boldly tell me that they like thinner women. I've always been myself and treat everyone with respect, I did tell the last guy that I was a curvy 10...before our date he did say he does not like dating chubby girls...I felt insulted but thats his choice. I went out with him to show him that I'm the same person who he enjoyed talking to...after our date no text nor no call..its been 4 days since I last saw and spoke to him...I finally sent him a thank you ecard.. and he has not picked up. I feel so hurt..I know he expected something else..but how from being such a sweet kind man he turned out to be a jerk. They like whats outside and don't care whats in the inside..and how I can treat them so special. This is the third guy who has done this...I may be picking the wrong type of men. I want to show them one day they will drool..lol...I'm on a mission. Why are men so cold and cruel??
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Do men even know what a size 10 looks like? In womens clothing, a size 10/12 is medium; the average American woman is a size 14.
A man who prefers thin women is allowed to have his preference. That doesn't mean something is wrong with you, it just means you're not his type. I'm sure in your lifetime you've turned down guys who weren't your type, haven't you?
If someone's not feeling you, they're not feeling you. Move on.
Don't take things so personally. There is nothing wrong with you and these guys aren't being cruel, they are being honest and upfront so you don't waste your time and theirs.
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female
reader, GoGreen126 +, writes (24 February 2010):
I feel for you, honey!
Because I'm in high school, guys can be particularly cruel with fat jokes, et cetera. I'm 5'6", size 8-10, and I'm a 34DD. By many people's standards, that's not fat! I'm on a varsity sports team, I train 5+ days per week, and I still get this grief from them.
Some people will just never appreciate my body, and that's okay with me. The people that matter are the people that look deeper. My 6' bf weighs 140 lbs and is among the top runners in my school, but he says I'm beautiful. I can't make peace with my body, but he has.
Men don't have a great filter for sensitvity, and even so, some just don't care. I wouldn't call the guys you've seen the norm.
I congratulate you in choosing to become more fit, but don't change for unappreciative men. They aren't worth the effort.
I hope my anecdote proves helpful, sorry it's so long!
--GG
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reader, Beccccccy  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Some people here are saying men can be superficial and cruel ..lol lol Make no mistake women can be also !
If hes not attracted to you its NOT his fault , It was a blind date ..He told you he liked Slim girls .
You either get into training , or change the kind of Guys you go for ..But if we can drop the emotional blackmail line and get on with life !
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): I understand where the men are coming from but honestly a size 10 is not very curvy. I am a size 18 and I am rather tall but I have out shined many girls who are skinny because it is really all about self confidence and my boyfrind likes me for who I am.. I am very pretty or so I have been told but I think that many men don't understand that for eveyone being skinny isn't easy. For a lot of girls it just comes naturally but for all us other people it doesn't the world needs more open minded people who don't just judge people for what they look like. The most gorgeous girls can be total bitches. So don't feel bad. You will find the man who will love you for who you are and that just takes time. Good luck!
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reader, gcruz +, writes (23 February 2010):
 It's a women thing. We are so self conscious about everything!! You should really change the type of guys you like, it would save you some time and aggravation. A size 10-11 isnt bad thats the size i want but then again im almost 6 ft tall! Bottom line is that you are beautiful no matter what that guy portrayed. Don't let some total ass change your personality; just stick to being true to yourself and forget him like a bad habbit. You will find the right guy he's out there. =]
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): Im just wondering....if you think these men are shallow and cruel. Why are you trying to lose weight to please them? Make your life style change be about you, not some net numptys with wish lists.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): Men can often be very superficial. It's funny because it is often a one way street. I'm reminded of the "Family Guy" episode where Peter is wearing a "no fat chicks" t shirt. It can be hard not to take it personally, but someone who can't get past the visual isn't really deep enough for a real relationship anyway.
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reader, marie jane renshaw  +, writes (23 February 2010):
 men can be jerks at times they only see the person on the outside never even consider the inner person but hey dont let this guy get to you,there are plenty more fish in the see and men these days like girls with curves as they think slim skinny girls are starving themselves which is daft, dont change the person you are for any man they are not worth it,you will find the right person who like your inner person as well as your outter one
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 February 2010):
I like my ladies curvy! There's not a thing wrong with you. Don't change for these types of men. Change for yourself if you want to and find a guy who likes you as you are.
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reader, Daveeeeeee +, writes (23 February 2010):
 I think you have answered your own question . He told you from the beginning he only likes slim women , he didn't want to waste your time , I dont think you are being completely honest about your weight . Often people who like to use the word " Curvey " are Fat , pure and simple .
You say you are in training , Its a lifestyle choice consistent diet and exercise to achieve the end goal . If you are not willing to do this ..then Its simple , go for a guy who likes big women .
But you say this has happened more than once ..So there in lies your answer ..Get in shape , weigh and monitor your body mass everyday ..DONT TRY AND FOOL yourself , you want a certain kind of man ..Pick the lifestyle , make the hard choices .
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reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (23 February 2010):
 Sorry at size 10 you are a bit on the small side for me. Of course I am under 5' 8" tall so I'm undesirable as well. The answer to "I don't like to date Chubby women" is "I don't like to date snobbish men". Quite frankly it is why I stopped seeking slim women when I was in the dating game. Well, that and a couple of girls who introduced me to the delights of "vast tracts of land".
FA
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reader, Angzw  +, writes (23 February 2010):
To be honest, the problem here is not the men who clearly state they want slim women. The problem is you are trying to date men who are not into your type. Why don't you avoid connecting with guys who like slim women? How many more times do you want to be disappointed? These picky men are not cruel at all, they let you know their preference in advance. When men in their 40's are dating, some are starting to go through the midlife issues and want the hot girl they missed out on in their youth. Obviously not in every case, but I noticed this among the men I met on line too. When you are reading through profiles, don't take it personally when some men state they want a blonde under 100pounds or whatever. Don't tell yourself that you will win them over with your great personality; it won't happen. Start going for men who are more realistic and who don't care about looks; its really that simple.
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reader, spinnaker +, writes (23 February 2010):
 BElieve it or not at one time the more curves you had the more attractive you were. Look at the paintings of say 500 years ago and you will very seldom see stick think women. I believe much of it is that some men tend to succumb to the media view of women...you know, women who workout 5 days a week and do nothing else but model clothes and wear lingerie. It may also have to do with the fact that men tend to want to be in competition with other men over who is with the more attractive woman.
I wouldn't feed into that by doing anything unhealthy or something that isn't "you."
I am attracted to girls who have a little meat on their bones. But I draw the line when I see the girls ordering cheesburgers, starbucks and french fries every single day. REally, I just want someone who will remain healthy and active. I have seen more size 10 and 12's higher on the knockout scale than size 2's.
The bottom line is do not become someone you are not but be the best you can be.
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reader, ElectricSheep +, writes (23 February 2010):
 Think positively. These guys not responding could be a good thing; they won't be hurting you in the future. If all a guy cares about is a girl's size, then so be it. They probably won't be in functional relationships down the road.
Don't give a second thought to those guys who didn't write, text you back. It's their lose anyway!
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reader, sammi star +, writes (23 February 2010):
 What an complete ass! He is not worth worrying over hun, you sound like a lovely person so don't sell yourself short with guys like this, you deserve someone as special as you are.
Size 10 is not chubby! and it doesn't matter wheather you're a 10 or a 20, the right guy will love you for who you are, not for your dress size. Would you really want to be with someone who has that as his top priority anyway when you know you have so much more to offer?
Next time you get talking to a guy that says he'd prefer it if you were thinner, don't even bother. Move on and save yourself the heartache!
I'm sure you've heard it many times but just remember...If a guy makes you cry he isn't worth it, and the one that is worth your tears won't make you cry!
I wish you loads of luck, and really hope you hold out for the good man you deserve :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): it's easier to find someone who will actually like you for who you are if you stop meeting them over the internet and start meeting them in real life situations from the get go. not all men want a size 6-8 girl. some do though, and those have been the ones you're meeting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): There's nothing cold and cruel about wanting to be with someone you're attracted to. The fact is, overweight people are not attractive to most people. Maybe you are bigger than you think you are? Or maybe you have had bad lucky with the previous 3 guys. I guess you can either get a more healthy weight (for yourself - not for a man) or you can carry on looking for someone who wants to be with someone who cares less about how they look?
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