A
female
age
30-35,
*nique-angel
writes:ok this si going to sound stupid because i cant belive i'd say this but cutitn to the point.met a guy online.normally i wouldnt rush into things or get attachedd. nearly been a week and we jst chat so much. seriously hes great, and he understandingbut thing is .he told me couple dys ago hes been to jail.. he was a drug dealer. two eyars inside and now 2 years out on license.course i was angry sayin how i always ahted drug dealers cuz in my eyes they giv drugs that result in poeple's childrens dyin.he was like i've changed, i jst want to settle down , i would never do it again. even his family didnt know. only when the police caught him they found outhe wants to get married like in 2-3 months after met up loads. i duno wt to think. he 24 im 19.. he even wants my dads number to ask for my hand in marriage after we've met upand he wants me to tlk 2 his mum. he says he dow want to loose me and past is pastwhat do i do so confused
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male
reader, $izZle  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 hey, i don't think its any of our decision to make but yours to be honest ... and i think that you don't know him that well to decide if you wanna spend the rest of your life with him ... so i would suggest first to get to know him better then to decide upon anything .... you could put it forward to him in a nice way so as to let him know that he is moving tooo fast and yes ofc i do think that you need to know him well enough to be sure that he can stay out of trouble ... i don't think that his past will have any effect on him if he really loves you ... he seems to be in a hurry to get married i mean 2-3 months wow .... even though im 27 and still a virgin i don't think i would get into a commitment like that just like that because ill probably want to spend the rest of my life with the person i marry and i would wanna know if that person can live up to a commitment like that ... im not going to ask you to make a judgment immediately however i would really appreciate it if you get to know the real him before you decide to marry him and yes he is moving toooooo mighty tooo fast to get married ...
A
male
reader, Flyguymyeye +, writes (19 February 2010):
Look at the situation objectively, doesn't seem quite right does it?
I would give him a miss, plenty of non ex-cons out there.
People can change, but why take the chance?
You know it's not right, or else you wouldn't be posting here. Follow your intuition.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Honestly you are best to stay clear. He may be great, he may be mis-understood and it may be unfair to him but he has certainly made some poor choices in the past and that means that there is a higher than normal chance that, in the future, under pressure, he may make poor choices again.
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A
male
reader, goodguy11  +, writes (19 February 2010):
Just tell him if he really cares for you then there's no need to rush into anything. Get to know him a bit more and when you are comfortable with him then you can introduce him to your family. Tell him you'll be there for him but there's no need to rush into marriage and that it's important to take time in building a trusting relationship. If you say he's understanding then there shouldn't be a problem. I can see you're very uncomfortable with the marriage thing and him asking to talk to your dad but you have a voice to tell him no that's not a good idea at least not for now. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Seriously, he proposed to you within weeks after meeting? Red flag, don't buy. Something is up and it's doesn't look pretty. You barely know this man, he's been a drug dealer, he's been in jail (they get affected by that, he could have serious mental problems now) and there's something fishy about the rush he's in to get married.
Not to say you haven't even met this person in real life. Keep at arms length, he doesn't sound completely sane.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Love is blind, you aren't. You have no need to rush. In his situation he has no right to be so pushy. It is very easy to lie in an online relationship. You should get all the details from an official outside source before meeting him in person. Even then you may find that his past is still too much for you to see past. You have very strong feelings about drugs.
I'm all in favor of forgiving. After all we all do things we regret. Certain crimes we may forgive but still be watchful and not completely trusting. Those include drugs because of the addiction factor. Also abuse, especially abuse to children. It is so easy for these people to slip back into their old habits. I would say that even 4 years is a pretty short time to be claiming full recovery/change. He is going to have some resistance no matter who he dates because of his past. When he gets all pushy, we automatically get more suspicious. He may think it is unfair for us to treat him differently because of his past. That is not true.
Let's look at the risks. Say you date him and he just happens to have some drugs in his car. Or you go with him to visit one of his old friends, and they have drugs in their house. Should something happen you could be arrested as an accessory just for being in the same house or car. Then what if you get married, and have a child, then he gets in a pinch for money and goes back to dealing. He could get caught, and you would be alone to raise the child while he is back for a longer jail term (second offense). Or worse yet he has your child in the same car he is delivering drugs in. In the US that would be child endangerment and they could take the child away. These are pretty serious possibilities.
At this point of the relationship he has done the right thing by letting you know he was in jail. Now you do the right thing and get the rest of the story. Find out every thing you can before you meet him in person. Really you should do that with any online relationship.
FA
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