A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I guess this is a twofold question… My husband, Adam(not his real name) has almost no self esteem, and is very down on himself. Any times I get upset about something and try to talk to him about it, he ends up saying… “I am a bad husband. You would be better off with someone else!” I hate it when he does this!!! I love him so much, and I don’t know how to show him that just because we have a problem that we need to work thru, doesn’t mean he is a bad husband. He is really a good husband and a wonderful dad to our children, but this makes me feel like I need to try to hide my feelings if I am unhappy about something instead of us talking about it and working it out, because I don’t want him to feel worse about himself. SO,I end up holding it in until I explode, and that (of course) does more harm than good!! How can I make him see that EVERY marriage has problems sometime and it doesn’t mean either person is bad!! He was abused as a child both physically and verbally, and because of that he feels like he is not a good person. So basically, I want to know how communicate with him when I have a problem without making him feel like it‘s all his fault, and how I can possibly help to build his self confidence. I don’t want him to be conceited, but some self confidence can be very sexy! I want him to feel good about himself!!! He truly is a wonderful person, I just don’t know how to help him to see it. Thank in advance, Jani
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will try to put this advice to work. FA, I am pulling up the link you advised as I type...I thought I was trying not to make him feel like I was blaming, however, I probably do with my tone of voice and word choice as LonelyTwo suggested. Thank you both for taking time to answer my post, and for the links/websites you suggested. Any more advice would be appreciated.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 February 2010):
 There are a couple of strategies to defuse a situation. One is to start with an apology. You know that most problems have plenty of fault to go around, so start off by taking a chunk of the blame. The second is to team up against the problem. There is this problem, together we can do this and stop it. This is very empowering.
Your husband needs to be empowered. We have been working for decades as a society to empower women and as a result many men can feel useless. There are some things you can do to make him feel stronger. I read this little wikiHow today that you might find useful. http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Guy-Feel-Manly
Just don't overdo it or fake it. Remember your actions will speak louder than your words.
FA
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