A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there...I smoke weed and have 3 kids...I don't smoke around them and they don't know that I do it. My ex-husband knows that I have always smoked weed and now that I pushed for child support, he started calling DCF on me...twice in the last 6 months in hopes that I will get caught and he gets the kids and I would have to pay HIM child support instead. For 2 years I have cared for our kids with no support and he barley even seen or wanted to be involved in their lives. In the past 6 months (ever since child support was forced on him) he wants to play "super dad" which is great, but for all the wrong reasons...I stopped smoking for the risk of me losing my kids...I passed both dcf (department of children and families) tests along with their urinalysis...both times...now hes fighting for custody through the courts and got a lawyer...requesting I undergo a hair follicle test...I know with out a doubt, any urinalyses i will pass...but a hair follicle test? there's no way...the last time i did it was a month ago...but just recreation. I don't even drink alcohol and that's a lot worse! I know I am a good parent and he doesn't even care about the kids. If the courts find me positive, they may make the wrong choice of letting this man have custody. For 5 years I suffered abuse mentally and physically...he has raped me with the kids present in the home when we were still married...he belongs in jail. But my question here is, will the courts really take my kids from me just for smoking pot? Ive already given it up...I just don't know what to do....I just got 'served" the custody battle papers and gotten myself a lawyer...i speak with her tomorrow...please, if anyone has any advice, or experience in this...i would greatly appreciate the feedback...I love my kids to death...pls help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Yes, tell your lawyers- they need to be prepaired to defend you, and you NEVER want to surprise them... that's really BAD.
My Brother-in-laws ex was a crack addict and shaved all her hair off before going to court... it didn't work (so DON'T do it!)... and she looked really stupid. He;s now raising his son and she has to have someone in the room when she's with him. He's 17, and she's gone from privileged to poverty.
Odds are good you'll be fine- stay off the pot, raise your kids and don't give the ex any ammunition to at shots at you with...
A
female
reader, Woot woot its aliyah :] +, writes (12 February 2010):
I smoke weed to.(but were not here to judge)theres a shampoo that takes the residue from the weed out of ur hair.i forget what its calld but google it.hope this helps
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Congratulations on getting off of pot. Stick with it, those kids need you.
FA
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A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Here in the UK its breakng the law... I'd do the same as your ex!
Just because you smoked for years doesn't make it right! You need to stop - NOW!
Steve
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2010):
 If you really love you kids you need to stop with the pot. This is not about you, but the future of your kids.
I think it's pretty simple really.
Also make sure you keep EVERYTHING - his phone messages, threats, if you have any documentation of the physical abuse make sure your lawyer get those too.
And yes, they CAN test your hair. Not sure what to do about that. Obviously your husband rather drag you through the mud then pay child support. THAT should tell your lawyer something as well.
I wish you good luck.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (11 February 2010):
 They might and your ex is forcing the issue, so you need to take some preemptive measures in the event they do order a hair test. The main thing you need to do is to demonstrate to the judge that you have stopped smoking pot and that it will not reoccur in the future.
You might want to get into a 12-step program, get yourself and the kids into counseling, and join a support group for battered women. Not only will this show the court that you are addressing your issues caused by years of abuse, but I'm sure therapy will help you and the kids heal from his mistreatment. A statement from a therapist or your 12-step program sponsor will probably swing things in your favor and show that you are a responsible parent.
If you have an attorney or access to legal aid, you should definitely seek their advice on how to proceed.
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A
male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Yes, the court can take the kids from you. A drugaddict aint considered a good parent or a role model for the future generations.
You think you can control it and that you can leave it anytime you want. It is false, on the streets I've seen a lot of people who said that lie to themselves while the addiction was consuming their lives and families. OK weed might be not as strong and fast as other drugs, but it lead to the same place. One day you might wake up willing to sell your kids to a pimp just to get money for another join.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Depends on the judge and the jurisdiction.
Have you tried NOT smoking up?
The issue is your credibility. Doing drugs, even weed, takes away from your credibility regarding everything you have to say against your husband, and your status as a fit parent.
Stop doing drugs now.
-Frank
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes...i stopped...i can pass a pee test...but not a hair follicle test...I have my copies of my police reports when he sexually assaulted me and abused me..and will def show my lawyer...do you think its safe to let my lawyer know that i smoked weed? I mean, I'm not some crack head that neglects my kids...they are all happy go lucky children and in my opinion I keep my kids hygiene and looks better than the other kids in their school.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 February 2010):
There is a chance that they might. You need to stop that immediately, and more importantly you need to make sure you own lawyers know how he treated you.
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