A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:can some one be a born reject.guys have always being rejecting me since i was 18 yaers old. that its is me not you routine.the rejection towards me is aggressive, they've treated me like dirt, belittled me,name called,even threatend me which is really scary.all i be doing is talking to them ,being nice not even flirty.i am over weight and short and unattractive looking.i am shy,quiet,i am really confused as to why the aggressive treatment and if i am doing any thing out of the way.i think i have some thing wrong with me that sets off there aggressive behaviour and boasting how many girlfriends they have to me which i don,t understand either.i am giving up on the idea of boyfriends because i always end up aggressively hurt and rejected .guys who this to me don,t even have consciencethanks to this treatment i have ended up in counselling. I find this behaviour towards me is aggressive and cruel.this treatment by men is never ending hated for me.i feel i,ll be never be loved at all.its unfair
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Well, first I believe it is possible that some people do just rub others the wrong way. Is this you, maybe, it's hard to say.
The first thing you need to do is increase your confidence in yourself. I'd suggest finding a hobby or something you're passionate about to help build your self esteem. You can also hopefully use that to meet people that you already have some common ground with.
Looks are less important when there is a connection. The key is recognizing that connection. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it isn't.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): i am looking a more male option due the fact i am dealing with the male behaviour.so can i have more male option because it male behaviour i have deal so it only make sense if i get male
option
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A
female
reader, laceytopgirl  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 i use to always end up with horrible boyfriends who either belittled me or abused me, but i must confess i went for the same kinda guy over and over again, now ive met the perfect man and he means everthin to me, altho before i wouldnt have ever expected to feel this way about him, as he was a good friend and too nice for me ( i always liked the rough guy) so maybe its time to change what type aguy u go for, and never listen to abuse, its bullying and its only done to make u feel bad like u obvoisly do. who says ur overweight, to someone out there u my be the perfect weight, and who says ur unattractive to someone out there u r beautiful,just remember that and never settle for second best :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Oh gosh, I am so sorry to hear of the treatment you have experienced. I cannot explain why this happens to you. But I am sure it is not personal. When the men behave like this, I think they are trying to boost their own egos by putting you down. If they feel they have to act this way, they are most likely insecure, and they put people down in order to feel bigger and better about themselves. I am also positive that they are like that with everyone they come into comtact with, not just you.
Are you a confident person? Or do you lack confidence? If you tend to lack confidence, then some people with these personalities may "target" women who are more vulnerable. And it seems like we get stuck in a pattern. For many years, I have had problems with guys who get dependent on me. They get obsessed with me, and I end up with a stalker on my hands. It still happens now, and I often wonder, why me? Is it me? What am I doing?
For me, I think I do tend to draw thses types of people to me, because of my own personality. I lack confidence and find it hard to say "no". So I end up in situations where boundaries are crossed. Do you think there might be some reason this keeps happening to you, like a lack of confidence or assertiveness? It might also be the area where you meet guys. Perhaps there are just not any nice, decent males around where you live. That's another possibility.
People will only hurt you if you let them. You can choose not to put up with it. You can say "NO" to people, and refuse to tolerate abusive behaviour. Do you do this? Or is it difficult? I do wonder whether developing your confidence more may help with these situations. You will be able to handle these situations better, and may even find that they don't happen anymore, due to your new confident attitude.
I am sorry you have ended up in counselling. But maybe this could be seen as a positive thing? I have had plenty of counselling over the years, and some of it has been quite helpful. You might be able to work with the counsellor to find a way through this difficult time. I can understand how it must make you feel like it is you with the problem. But it's not. There are just some horrible people out there, and some of us do seem to encounter them frequently. Not because we have things wrong with us. But it just happens. It is not fair, I know.
But we can choose to learn ways to cope with it, and to make things better. So tell the counsellor what is going on, what you experience, and how it makes you feel. I do hope it is useful for you, and that things improve. Keep going and being strong, and try not to let anyone bring you down. Take care. xx
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 Hun, somehow abusive men seem to be able to pick out the women with low self esteem and use this to their advantage.
They also think that they can treat you as they feel because you should be 'grateful' for their attention.
You need to build your confidence in yourself, and tolerate less from these men. If a man says something nasty to you then dont be shy - tell him what you think of him. If he leaves well then fair and good cos he wasnt worth anything anyway!
If you want to try something, get a makeover, pamper yourself a new haircut etc., you will feel much better about yourself and when walking in the street LOOK FORWARD not down at your feet. Even if you are overweight and short this is no reason to put up with nastiness from men.
There are lots of men out there that love voluptuous women, you just have to show men that you have confidence in yourself and they will find it very attractive!
Honeygirl
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 Some (many) guys make the mistake of thinking that an overweight girl is non sexual. Or in other words, the confuse physical form with the capacity for passion. I don't know that there is a similar blind spot for women. Because they see you as non sexual they treat you as "one of the guys", not thinking how hurtful this can be to someone who wants so much more.
The good news is that there are men out there who have discovered that larger women have much to offer. It is sad that you have never met one.
You have translated their rejection of you to a hatred of all men by you. I am sure your therapist is helping you to work on that. You will have to get over that before you can attract the attention of even a man who prefers larger women.
FA
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