A
female
age
26-29,
*rasa
writes:I am incredibly, incredibly in love with a boy who has been my close friend for about 4 years now. He is a terrible person, he only thinks i like him but continues to spend the night (sadly he only cuddles me) and other stuff any normal person would affiliate with mutual attraction. But, he does not feel the same about me-this is a solid fact. It has come to the point where all i think of is him, and i just need someone who isn't confuzzled by all the dreaminess to tell me what to do. He acts like a boyfriend, he treats me like i need him for survival (but to be quite honest he is like the taste of chocolate in the mouth of my existence) and leads me on like a maniac! for lords sake he asked if i wanted to move in with him next year...its so confusing !!!!!I need a slap in the face, an existing account of how there is no hope for any return of affection i.e an example, just...ugh anything. (although deep inside i want someone to say that he will love me, happy endings blah blah blah...but no, i have already provided myself with enough fantasies)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): If he has been with you since you were kids, you're his very best friend. Who happens to be a girl.
Your feelings changed as you both grew older. You developed romantic feelings. He's the only boy you've allowed yourself to be that close to. So you feel very attached.
He still sees his best friend; with whom he feels really close, and grew up with. Being romantic is sort of creepy; so he doesn't cross certain boundaries preset in his mind.
He loves you in the family-sense. He thinks he wants to live with you someday. That's what we tell good friends we grew up with. We want to keep that friendship going forever. It's hard to think we would ever leave each other behind. The fear of missing each other.
Things will change when he meets another girl, that he IS attracted to in a different way.
He sees you close like a sister, but not quite. He knows you're a girl. His sexual or romantic feelings are closed-off. He will not cross the line of friendship with you. He won't lead you on, or take advantage of you.
Physically, cuddling is as far as he feels comfortable going with you. He does it because you want him to.
You shouldn't let the crush get in the way of what you have; which is very very good. Try checking out other boys, and not focusing these feelings you have so much on him.
You're old enough now to be seeing boys.
He's only close and convenient. It's easier and less scary than getting out there and having to face other boys you don't know. You've got to get into practice hanging out with other boys. You're afraid to, so you cling to what you already to have, because he's familiar and you feel safe. You think he's dreamy and cute; but he thinks you're his best friend. Not his girlfriend.
When you meet the right boy, your romantic feelings toward him will change quickly. Wait and see!
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I'm so confused. Is your age reflected correctly? 16-17? He spends the night, turns down offers of sex with a willing partner, asked you to move in with him, but does not feel strong emotions for you? If it weren't for your own strong statement of the fact. I would say he respects you and sees a future with you. On the other hand he may not know what else to do as he has been your boyfriend since he was about 12. It is a strong possibility that he is just following the script because it is easier than a break up.
I really can't give you a scare story that relates to your situation as I've never seen the like. I will say this as a bit of advice. If you know for sure that he does not have the feelings that you so desire, stop treating him like he does. Do a 180 and start making yourself available to people who can offer what you need. There is even an off chance that it might shake him out of his sleep.
FA
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