A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay? How can you tell if he is? I have a suspicion that my almost ex husband may be gay and I'm just curious if anyone else has been in this situation. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 November 2013):
 I can see why that vacation would arouse your suspicions it's almost the proof. The refractory time story about fluids building up is not a good description of the facts. I just read this on wiki: "According to some studies, 18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours, with the average for all men being about a half-hour."
An asexual person or a person with low sex drive could also offer this kind of excuse to avoid sex.
Vocalizing during orgasm is just his style and may not be an indicator of anything. If a woman is quiet, would we question her sexual orientation or just think she is shy?
The baby hunger is a very interesting symptom. He might really want to have a hormone level test with a good endocrinologist. It also matches the Gay theory as he may be hoping to attain that goal while he still has a female partner.
In the end you may never know for sure. Certainly you had mismatched sex drives and the incompatibility has most likely caused the rift between you. Now that you have time on your hands you should work on your self. Learn more about physiology and relationships. It may not save you from another mismatch but it can't hurt.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess it all started because my husband told me he was going on a vacation to Florida with his gay friend and that friend's family. The friend was only ever a drinking buddy of his he would see on occasion and he hadn't seen him in but once in 3 years. I thought it was very odd so I started asking my male friends and male coworkers what they thought. They asked questions about our sex life and every one of them came to the conclusion that he is gay.
My husband told me early on that he can't have sex every day, or rather men in general are not capable of having sex every day. He said even if it were possible that he still wouldn't want to. We actually had arguments about this because I thought men could go more frequently, he essentially called me stupid and said I'm not a man so I don't know how they work- when a man runs out of 'fluids' he can't go anymore.
He has an obsession with having a baby, I've never met a man like this. Even when we were separated he wanted to meet up during ovulation time and try for a baby, knowing we are getting a divorce. He is extremely depressed about not having a child and it is all he focuses on. He also has an extreme need to feel normal and to be accepted by everyone. He is always worried about what everyone thinks of him and always talks about what his friends would think or say about such and such.
He has never had a real relationship. Everyone before me was a girlfriend of about a year and a half and he would see them twice a week, never anymore often or serious than that, and then dump them. He's 33 and had never been in love before. One girl lasted 2+ years but they rarely had sex because he said he wasn't attracted to her.
And something else I don't know if I should think anything about but all my male friends said was weird, he is very loud when he orgasms. I had never heard anything like that before. I was told he was putting on a show.
Anyway I don't know if it's true and I'm not really certain but it got me thinking A LOT. He isn't one you can approach about this, even if it were true he is clearly confused and closeted. All he has been saying for the last few months is how he is so confused. And now we aren't talking. So I was just curious what other people have experienced if they were in the same situation.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I know this isn't what you asked, but I'm curious as to what led you to suspect he's gay. This might not be relevant to your situation but keep in mind that someone may be interested in some same sex elements, but they may not necessarily be gay, as in not interested in the opposite sex at all.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 November 2013):
My wife knew two guys who were gay (and cheated regularly) but we're married to women.
The thing they both had in common (aside from liking guys) is that their religion, and thus their friends and family, we're not tolerant of gays. This made being themselves very difficult although eventually they couldn't hide it any more (caught with gay porn and texts).
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 November 2013):
My aunt's first marriage was annulled due to that over 40 years ago. I suppose it still happens all the time, even though homosexuality is much more acceptable now.
The number one (and only) symptom of homosexuality is a sexual attraction to people who have the same gender as you.
Soon it will be of no concern to you what your husband's sexual orientation really is. Even at this point it would probably not affect a custody ruling.
FA
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