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anonymous
writes: married 2 years,my husband is 40 and healthy,i am a very attractive sexual female in very good physical shape...my husband has trouble maintaining an erection so he totally prefers oral sex..i feel inadaquate to say the least..we talk about it, he feels he has had so many sexual relationships in his past that he literally wore himself out! can this be true?Confused.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 February 2005):
 Hi dear,This - you'll probably be relieved to hear - has nothing to do with you. I suspect that your hubbie has erectile dysfunction and is embarrassed to admit it to himself. "Wore himself out"? Puh-lease!He may think that it's inevitable, that having trouble maintaining an erection is just part of getting older, but he'd be wrong. Then there's the large and fragile male ego that keeps whispering "Just ignore it. It'll get better later" to prevent him having to admit that he's not as hard as he could be.You're very generous to continue to give him oral sex, but aren't you entitled to some penetrative sex if you want it? It's a bit lopsided for you to be giving and for your husband to be receiving all the time.There's a very good chance that he'd love to get back to his previous, firmer erections, but you need to tread carefully about suggesting anything, so you don't bruise his ego.The bottom line is that he needs to get to a GP for a referral to a urologist, so that any physical ailment can be ruled out and/or treated. There are a dozen causes, both physical and psychological, of erectile problems, and your hubby needs to have some tests done to find the reason he's having trouble.Do what you can to encourage him to go for a checkup - even if you have to phone ahead of time and give the doctor the scoop. Maybe you could schedule an appointment for both of you to get an annual health check, as a way to get him to go. Whatever you do, don't make it about the erection problem.The short answer is, he's fibbing to you because he's embarrassed. You'll both be happier if he gets past the embarrassment and gets some proper treatment.Good luck, hope this helps.
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