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anonymous
writes: I recently met the man of my dreams, perfect in every way, who adores me completely. The only problem? My boyfriend has a girlfriend! The girlfriend is at University and when we first hooked up he told me the relationship was over but, as he hadn't seen her for a while, he was waiting for the right time to tell her. However, since then he has seen her in person four times and it's driving me crazy. She has a big birthday party coming up, and although he says he is talking to her about a split he also says that he won't finish things until after the party. Problem is I can't stand the thought of her being with him when I'm not, as I'm not stupid and know he will be putting on the pretense of being her loving boyfriend, at the very least. What should I do - trust him and take a risk, or tell him to hit the road jack and risk losing my soul mate?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2005): Hi, tell him to hit the road. If he is willing to do that to his current girlfriend who he must have loved to begin with, then what says he won't do it to you. You know how well he is acting to his girlfriend, like everything is rosy, would you be able to tell if he did the same to you? You may think he is your soulmate but his gf must think that too. Think about her, how gutted will she be? Leave them to it as he obviously isn't going to confess to her, he's got too much of a good thing. Sex when his gf is at uni and double the amount when she's home. You deserve better, find a single man and try to get over him. Hope this helps, good luckadamsmum19
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2005): Hi..He sounds like a dog to me. If he was your soulmate..he wouldn't try to play both ends against the middle. Sorry, he doesn't sound worth it. Let them have their "party", move on ward & upward.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 February 2005):
 Hi,If you re-read your own letter, you'll see that your own feelings for this man are all over the map. He starts out as "perfect", then you admit that he has a girlfriend he won't break up with, he's seen her four times and hasn't indicated a desire to break up and that it's driving you "crazy", that you want to tell him to "hit the road", before he's back to being your "soulmate". Phew! I'm exhausted just from three paragraphs.For the record, if this guy is really your "soul mate" - I hesitate to repeat your term, because every human being has at least a few annoying faults that you'd want to change if you could - then you're in no risk of losing him. If he really is your perfect match, then he'll soon realise it and dump the other girl.But here's what I see when I read between the lines of your letter: I see a guy with two doting girlfriends, and a man who thinks he has sex on tap. I see one gf who's with him long-distance, from whom he can keep the secret of his other girlfriend (you). I see a man who gets the best of both worlds, as long as he keeps both strung along, and who doesn't see any reason at all to change things with the distant gf, as long as "the right time to tell her" keeps being delayed.Today it's her birthday, tomorrow it'll be the fact that her doggie died. In a month, he'll be telling you he doesn't want to break up with her because it's mid-terms and she wouldn't be able to study. He'll keep finding excuses.I don't think you have to be as dramatic as to tell him to 'hit the road'. It's plain that his needs come first, and he'll keep dating both of you as long as you allow it, regardless of his having somehow convinced you that he "adores you completely". You simply have to open your eyes and recognise that he isn't treating you as if he values your company and your love.In your shoes, I'd just tell him that you want to be the only girlfriend in his life, and if he can't see his way clear to making that happen, that you'll have to walk away.That will help him make his mind up quick-smart. If he chooses you and dumps the distance gf, then maybe I'm a cynical old bee-yotch, and you two really are perfect for each other, but from the way you've described him, I suggest that he'll be right back into the old girlfriend's arms.Sorry to be brutal, hon, but you deserve better than this.-B
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