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anonymous
writes: A girl from work and I were in a relationship for 6 months. For a time, we thought we were in love. For various reasons, however, we agreed about 3 weeks ago to stop seeing one another. In practice, that has not been difficult, as we work for a large organization and have no reason or occasion to meet at work.Here is the problem: After the break-up, she reported me for sexually harassing her at work. In the end, her accusations were groundless and my name and professional reputation is clear. In the process, however, she did her best to ruin me. She disclosed private information about me to officials where we work and I endured a hellacious investigation. Why? If she had ever really loved me, why did she do this? How COULD she? And the even bigger "why": Why do I still care for her? Perhaps I am an enormous idiot.I appreciate any response (including confirmation that I'm an idiot).
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, patti, writes (13 February 2005): sounds like she is trouble and glad you broke it off with her. her problem for making up lies about you at work. will catch up to her in the long run. shes the bad one in this, not you.as for you still caring about her. you went with her for 6 months. sure you do still care. but what shes done to you. look at the situation more clearly.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 February 2005):
 How could she? Because she's self-indulgent and narcissistic and wanted to punish you for breaking up with her.This doesn't have much to do with her loving you. It's more related to her insecurity. She might have, in fact, loved you a great deal. But your breaking up hurt her and she lashed out at you by chucking a hissy fit that could have damaged your reputation forever. By this single act she's demonstrated her low "emotional IQ", and you're probably well rid of her for that reason alone.As to your second question, why you still care, you probably had good times as well as bad. There were almost certainly experiences that you shared and enjoyed, times that you and she really connected, and you miss that. And you CARED for her. It isn't like you can switch that off instantly. If it were all bad, then you never would have lasted six months! No doubt, you're remembering more of the good times... even as she appears to be focussing on the break up and how much it hurt her.Hopefully, she's now got the vitriol out of her system and can settle back into her life without causing any more fuss. You'd be well-advised to give her a wide berth at work, if possible. I'd be civil, but not too friendly, or she'll think you want her back.Hope that this helps.-B
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