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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is really shy and I dont like that but I dont know what to do.What can I do?Please get back to me a.s.a.plots of love gothic gal
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 February 2005):
 Hi Gothic Gal,This advice might sound odd, but I hope you give it a chance to grow on you: the first thing you have to do about his shyness is get used to it.The fact is, you like your boyfriend, and his shyness is part of the package. Either you like all of him, or you don't. Unfortunately, when you meet and fall for somebody, you don't get to pick out the traits you like best and leave the rest for the vultures.Imagine if he'd written to this column and said, "hi, I like my girlfriend, but I really hate that she's gothic. What can I do?" The first thing I'd think is "well, why do you like her at all, then?" So, getting used to the fact that he is shy, and is likely to remain that way, is the best strategy for enjoying his company because - and you can tattoo this on the inside of your eyelids if you want, so you never forget it - you can't make people change.On the other hand, if your bf has expressed to you that HE is unhappy with his shyness and specifically asked you to help him, that's another story entirely. If that were the case, you could ask him about what conditions seem to trigger his worst shyness and work from there.If it was parties, then you'd be trying to minimise that, by slowly introducing him to small groups of people in not-too-close quarters, like a backyard bbq, or after work for a few drinks, etc.If he's shyest when meeting new people, you'd want to limit the number of new people he has to meet to just the ones that you know will mix well with his personality, until he's more confident.Overcoming shyness is about helping the person realise that there's no danger with other people. However, make sure that it's HE who wants to do the changing... if not, get used to being alone with him, or find a less-shy boyfriend.Good luck, dear.
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