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anonymous
writes: I've been with my partner for nearly 7 years, and even though I've never thought of another bloke he's always accusing me of having an affair. Even though I spend all day in house with kids. What can I do? Please, I'm getting to the end of my tether.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2005): I myself just got out of a relationship because of the same problem. I work third shift so he thought that I was automatically cheating on him! It got way out of hand and if I would have stayed a minute longer things could have gotten real ugly! He would not talk this out with me and his accusations got worse by the day. I had only one choice and that was to get out before he hurt me! My advice to you is to attempt to get him to talk to you about why he thinks you are doing this and try to make him see that he is in no way correct about his accusations! If he doesn't do this you probably have an abuser on your hands and now would be the best time to get out as quick as possible! Good luck with this and I hope you have better luck than I did!!
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 February 2005):
 I'm so sorry that he's treating you this way, especially when you haven't done anything that deserves it.Has something changed about him recently, or has he always been this way? If he's always been loving and kind and has suddenly changed then he might be depressed or feeling miserable about something and is taking his frustration out on you. Not that that excuses his behaviour! Nobody should treat you with disrespect the way he is. Has he lost his job, or a family member, or have you moved house recently? If this is a change in his normal way of acting, then you might need to ask him to get to some counselling with you, so he can work out what his problem is, and stop pretending it's about you.If he's always been this way, then it could that he's trying to wear down your self-esteem, so that you become more dependant on him, so he can treat you even worse. This is the hallmark of an abusive person. He tells you you're a slut/worthless/crazy/stupid, then tells you that nobody would tolerate you except him. The only way to stop the abuse is to leave.If you suspect that you're married to an abuser, you need lots more help and support than I can give, and I'd urge you to look at Women's Support in the phone directory to speak to someone who can help you protect yourself and your kids from harm.Good luck and remember to stay safe! No relationship is worth getting hurt for.
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