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anonymous
writes: How do I know if I made the right desision? I have been in a 7 yr relationship. We both had a child each when we met and have since had 2 together. I recently left him for almost 3 months, taking my belongings and all that I owned, along with the 3 children that live with us.I came back believing that everything would change, but it's all back to the way it was before.I feel like a cook, cleaner, washer woman, and all-round domestic. We don't have a personal relationship, we never do anything as a couple. I dont feel loved, he never takes me out, runs me a bath or so much as cooks me a meal.What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (8 July 2008):
I,m actually going through the same thing at the moment.I have given my partner numerous chances.He promised to change and he did for about 3 mths and now i'm back to square 1.There is no more second chances,my daughter is 5 and i can't put her through it again.I don't love him anymore because of his selfishness.He is begging for another chance but you have to draw a line somewhere.If i stay with him it means i will be miserable for the next 20 yrs. I deserve better and so do you.xx
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (24 February 2005):
 Hi dear,When you came back, what was it that made you believe that things would be different? Did your partner make a promise that the situation would change? Or did you come back after three months just *hoping* for a change?What strikes me about your letter is that you don't say that you and he ever discussed what was supposed to change when you came back. I wonder if there ever was a discussion and a compromise reached. That's your first port of call. If he refuses to compromise, then you really don't have much choice: it's either suck it up as it is, or leave him to it.You sound really fed up, and frankly, I can understand that. If your partner isn't willing to put in his share into the relationship, isn't willing to do as much as you are, care for the kids, cook half the meals, clean up, show you he cares... why are you still there? That's no kind of relationship, and not a very good example to your kids about the way adults interrelate, either.The only thing that could be worse than being alone and being the mum and single parent to your kids would be to be the resentful single parent in a two-parent household! He's not doing his share, you hate it, he hasn't offered to change. If there isn't any indication that he regrets not changing, and doesn't plan to make improvements, then GO. You did it once.Think about the possible outcomes if you stay, versus if you go.If you stay, he's already shown you that things are going to remain the same. You hate that already, that much is clear.If you leave, you'll have every bit as much work on your hands, but at least you won't be around a selfish non-partner who doesn't contribute to the relationship. To my mind, that's an improvement!Get your affairs in order, talk to a legal advisor about what the law says is yours and your kids', then take what belongs to you and just go. Good luck.
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