A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm feeling a little left out and rejected. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over four years. We got together at 17 and have been together since. We have a really good relationship together and normally I find we can talk about anything and resolve it, but I don't know how to bring this up without seeming clingy. He's played for a high level football team and that's how we met. He came to my school to give a talk to other boys about joining the academy. He has his own business Monday to Friday and has always played football on a Saturday day. He made it clear from the start of the relationship he didn't want me to watch him play football, he didn't let any of his family members go as he said it made him feel nervous and then he didn't play the best. Which was fine with me, football is his passion not mine. If he didn't want me to watch I wasn't going to lose any sleep about not being able to stand in the rain every Saturday. Every year they have annual presentations that he also has never invited me to. I never really noticed that it was a 'couple' thing until recently as more of his team mates have got into relationships. This last year two of the guys he plays with have also got married. He didn't invite me to either wedding and instead went with his best friend from football who is single. This did bother me as all of the other girlfriends went. Then he had a football night out which the guys took there girlfriends along to and I wasn't invited. Now he has his yearly presentation this weekend. All of the guys are taking there girlfriends and you guessed it, he hasn't invited me. I brought it up that I felt left out and he said he didn't know whether there girlfriends would be going. I said how we both know there girlfriends would be going and anyway why would he have to check what the other boys would be doing. As the other guys don't ring and ask him whether he's taking his girlfriend before they invite there's, they simply invite there's regardless as they want them there. His answer to this was fine come if you want to, but they're watching the cup game from 3 o clock and it's an all day thing. You'll have to watch the game and get wet and then come for the evening before going home when we go out. As if he was trying to put me off. I said I wasn't bringing this up because I desperately want to invade his space, I just felt rejected that all of the other boys take there girlfriends and are proud of there girlfriends where he leaves me at home. He then said that all their girlfriends are friends now and sit together so I would have to sit with them and how I don't know any of them. The reason I don't know any of them though is because he's never given me a chance to meet any of them. They all met through football evenings and he hasn't invited me to any. Why do you think he wants to keep me separate? I feel really rejected and left out, do you think I'm being selfish? That I should leave him have his football time away from me. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to include me when everybody else has there girlfriends with them.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 May 2014):
 Your update tells me he just NEVER thought about it.
THE fact that he's ok with you going this week bodes well.
Go and enjoy and you may find out it's boring as hell and not want to go any more anyway.
A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (13 May 2014):
I firmly believe that the other posts are highly reactive. He has been stupid and a bit slow on this to say the least but that is all. There is no evidence of anything else. I strongly suggest that you go, enjoy meeting the other girls and take your place there with pride. I have seen far worse examples of thoughtless male behaviour that resulted in hurt. Rather than crash your relationship, which would be a totally destructive and stupid thing to do, just go. I am completely confident that it will be great. Do not let other people you false intentions to chew over. This may be the last habit of a single life that needs adjusting. The only thing to remember is you may need to be forthright with him in future about other issues, but you can count on the fact that he will react reasonably when you challenge him. Let any anger or attitude melt away. Get out your umbrella, choose your outfit and get ready to cheer them on!Honestly, don't listen to the people who tell you to chuck him in. It is easy to take umbrage, thë huff, offence. Chuck that out and be straightforward. He loves you, he has just been a bit dim!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 May 2014):
 Just go this Saturday and see if you will enjoy going in the future. Guys can be pretty stupid about things like this so don't make a big deal about it. Who knows maybe you might make new friends and have a great time or maybe you will be bored stiff but at least you'll know first hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): I am the poster of the question but unfortunately did not keep my verification code.
I have questioned it today and he said that because it was never a couples thing and we have been together since the start he never thought to bring me. He said gradually girlfriends have started appearing but he didn't think it was something I was interested in as I never asked about going before.
He's said that if I want to come this Saturday then I can come it's my choice. He's being very relaxed about it and not getting annoyed or irritated. But I feel like I have pushed him into asking me as he didn't do it spontaneously.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 May 2014):
Insist on going to his presentation this weekend. See what happens.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 May 2014):
Men in love want to show off their love... they want their friends to meet her... they are proud of her. He is not treating you like you are special or important in his life because you are not.
Personally, I would not even bother to ask him why... he knows why but it puts him on the spot and makes him uncomfortable so he says "I don't' know" If you push him it will come down to "YOU are NOT my ONE" and it will deteriorate from there.
I would start extracting myself from this relationship.
Stop calling him.
Stop asking him to do things.
Stop doing things for him.
compartmentalize him just like he does to you.
IF he asks you out and you don't have plans... you can go... do not end up back at his place or have him back to yours...
start meeting new people and being busy.
this may spur him on to realize that you are important to him enough that he will change his ways but more than likely, he will fade from your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): Sounds as if he wants to keep you away from everyone he knows through his job, semi-pro hobby AND socially! Basically, out of his life. I think it's possible he has someone else who comes to his matches, goes to his social events.. and/or... he doesn't take you so he can meet other women. Why else? He should be proud of you, you are his girlfriend and if these events normally involve families, then he is deliberately keeping you away from them and there has to be a reason.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (13 May 2014):
 I totally agree with SageOldGuy.
Leave him to his own life and find a man who wants to share his with you. You are not being selfish your being reasonable and he sounds like he's hiding something
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): agree, he doesnt really want or need you in his life, if he wanted you he would take to to his events,you woul be important enough to go. Yes, he may be cheating on you (or acting single,) with another girl, or he may be just bored with you, or not like you as much, talk to him be calm, don't cry! and don't be demanding, ask him why the other guys invite their gfs and he doesn't? don't let him say "but I thought you wouldn't like it" or "its a guys night and you would be bored" or another lame excuse, either he likes you enough as his gf to ask you to share in his life and his acheivements, or he doesn't. He sounds very insensitive, I would dump him unless he has a good excuse, any person that doesn't want you to meet their friends or be part of their life, isn't worth it.good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): I wonder if there is a influence of one of his friends. Doesn't it look weird for the rest of his friends that you re never there.
Wen we just got married my husband use to go to weddings also without me. Excuse was but we have a new baby. The new baby stoped being that new anymore soon andi could easily leave her with my mom, but he still insisted on going to parties without me, until I firmly put an end to it. You shod do the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2014): Show him your post and ask him to explain ! He just won't be able to justify it!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2014):
 I think you have to face reality: HE is still the "swinging single" (guy).... and YOU are surplus.
Do you want to continue to live your life in HIS paranthesis???? OR, do you want a man who will JOIN YOU in sharing life (together)? THAT is the "question" that will lead you to your answer.... and your future.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2014):
 ASK him.
And EXPLAIN why you don't understand it. TELL him how it makes you feel rejected or not good enough.
We can't tell you WHY he does it. Only he can. When you ask him DO NOT accept a "I don't know" or" I never thought of that" answer.
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