Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is in response to my previous post when I say that sex can complicate and ruin a relationship. What I mean by that is that in some instances (not all) partners come together with very different expectation of sex. They can be getting along wonderfully, talking to each other, going out togther, taking the time to really listen and care for the other person... all this a prelude to sex. Once sex happens circumstances can change. Sexual compatibility is a huge thing.
Here are some questions: does one partner expect sex several times a week, or maybe every single day (while the other doesn't want it that much).
Does one partner want certain sexual acts that the other doesn't want to perform or finds demeaning?
Two people who were getting along really well and are compatible in almost every other way can be torn apart because of sex. Also Iv had the experience of having a bf who measures how much I love him by how much sex I give him. According to him if I wasn't in the mood then I didn't love him as much as he loved me. The thing is if it did come down to it I would have done anything for him. After this constant pressure sex with him made me feel cheap and used. Its almost like there was some unwritten duty to have sex; I don't think sex should have to be there for love to be there. I think they are 2 very different things. Im sorry if this sounds like a bitter rant but I just thought Id give you some perspective. Sex isn't always an earthshattering, amazing bonding experience. Sometimes it can leave you feeling let down and empty.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 OK, a follow up answer. Say the guy has untreatable erectile dysfunction. That would still leave oral or manual sex. Frontage is still possible. Sex toys have been mentioned. Now if you are thinking that the man, for some reason, is unwilling to to touch her at all, That would be much harder to get around.
The important thing is for there to be real affection on both sides, and flexibility. If both partners are willing to try new things It can be worked out.
FA
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A
male
reader, NotSean +, writes (16 August 2010):
NotSean is verified as being by the original poster of the question"YES!!!! I think a lot of the time sex is over rated and can actually complicate and ruin a relationship."
Okay, this is good to know. I have asked some other people this question and they told me that they wouldn't be able to fall in love without the sex. So its good to know.
Why does sex complicate and ruin a relationship? You mean when one person has sexual needs that are different than the other person?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): YES!!!! I think a lot of the time sex is over rated and can actually complicate and ruin a relationship. I know that its necessary for pro-creation but nowadays people are having sex purely for the pleasure. I think it can make people selfish and I think people can lose respect for each other. If your partner can't fulfill u without the sex then there is something missing in the relationship. I know lots of people say sex brings people closer togther but I happen to disagree.
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A
male
reader, NotSean +, writes (15 August 2010):
NotSean is verified as being by the original poster of the question"and i like to just cuddle as well that can be much more satisfying than sex."
I remember that scene in High Fidelity when the gal is telling the guy that she liked the cuddling better than the sex (with another guy she was with). And he really thought that she was simply lying to him or oversimplifying.
I was kind of thinking the same way he did, which is why I am asking questions like this. But now that I have gotten all these answers it a lot easier to believe people when they say that other things are better or more important than sex.
Which is very good to know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): I know I would because love is more important. sex is just sex = so meaningless without love
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A
male
reader, NotSean +, writes (15 August 2010):
NotSean is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Fatherly Advice. Explain what you mean by their being more than one way to have sex?
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A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (15 August 2010):
 Of course! After all, there are relationships where women get sex without real affection...or love. I dated the absolute sweetest boy in high school who was unable to have sex, but we were intimate in other ways...mentally, emotionally, our relationship was rich. We only broke up since he moved halfway around the world. But, his inability made no difference to me. My friends even were envious and some tried to steal him away hehe :p So I'll say it again, I don't think a lot of women would mind at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): oh yes have to say i could do without sex my man and i have lovely sex but the other things he does to me could easily just live with that in our relasionship sex is not everything the other is the best and what about having a sex toy that will make things more appealing but my answer to your question can a women suvive without sex yes she can well i could as long as i was getting the other needs..and i like to just cuddle as well that can be much more satisfying than sex.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 Possibly not too many in your age group. If you're ok with a woman of retirement years (and why not?)then a guy like that could be exactly what they're looking for.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 August 2010):
There is more than one way to have sex. In a loving relationship things can be worked out. Vintage is right, there is a lot more than sex that women are interested in.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): a lot of people put sex first, yes it can bne important in a relationship but not essential, it depends on how much you think of this person and weather sex is important, keep in mind there are many other ways to make love or express your feelings
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): Yes I think would be women willing to. They might have other needs that are more important to them than sex.
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