A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused and not sure what to do anymore. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for two tomorrow. I believe that I have put all of myself into my marriage. Everything is about him, he is on a trip for his job and has already spent over 500 dollars drinking with people that he works with. When I asked him about his spending he just replies that he is having a good time and I should not complain. We are a family of five living on one income. He called the other night and told me how he was mad that he couldnt sleep with some girl that he had meet at the bar because he was married to me. He always yells at me, points out everything negative about me, and never seems to be happy with anything that I do. It's not like I am a bad wife, I cook, clean the house, take the kids to all their doctors appts and sporing activites. I never even ask him to do anything like walk the dog, take the trash out or cut the grass.. Yes I do all that too.. I also pay all the bills and do all the shopping.. I do everything that he ask of me in the bedroom. I just cant take the stress of making him happy anymore. He is constantly telling me he dosent want to be responsible, and hates the person he has become. He drinks all the time to the point that he becomes an jerk, trying to jump out of the car on the highway, putting his hands over my eyes when I am driving and doing and saying things that he dosent remember. Someone please help me! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): I would not be as paranoid as some responses have speculated.
1) I would say that if he spent more on his party and drinks, at his age and your age, some of that is normal. As he become older, he will worry more on retirements, home, savings and all that. Once has has crossed 35 + or 40 + he will change.
2) Some how he has got the habit which many wives have around the world ( Nagging and yelling is more linked to wive as compared to husbands, who normally be quite and listen and take it easy ). I do not feel that you need to be paranoid and think much more that than what it is.
Time will change his habits and pririties.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): You've gotten some good advice here... follow it!!!!
He sounds dangerous and abusive.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 It kinda sounds like something has happened in his head. Would he go and see a doctor about this it could be a chemical imbalance causing all this.
Saying that I would agree with you it's time to move on from this man he is doing you no good and putting your life in danger is completely unacceptable. Make yourself a plan to leave and see it through.
good luck to you be strong and you will get there.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 August 2010):
 OK it is time to be the responsible Adult. From your description it appears that you and your children and especially your husband are frequently in real physical danger. That is the first thing to fix. You may have to take the kids to a safe place until he can act in a safe manner. Second is safeguarding your resources (money and Home). If your signature is on the accounts you may be able to put a hold on them. That is just a patch, eventually he will have to learn to live with restrictions. We all do. Third is the damage done to your relationship. It is sad that you have learned to live with the physical and financial dangers but when he throws in an emotional threat it becomes too much. On the positive side you seem to believe that it is the drink talking and not the real man. So there can be reconciliation, eventually , if he solves the binge drinking problem.
So here are your priorities.
1 safety of the children
2 your own safety
3 safety or your resources
4 his physical safety
5 his health (addiction recovery)
6 saving the relationship
first thing you should do is look for a woman's shelter. Make no mistake many of the things he is doing are abuse.
FA
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