A
female
age
41-50,
*Q
writes:I've been married to my husband for 11 years, and we dated for 7 years before that. We have two children together and they are 7 and 5 years old. I've been a stay home mom for seven years.Three weeks ago, he confessed that he cheated on me with a hostess who works at a gentlemen's club. His reason is that him and I lost emotional connection. He doesn't feel appreciated at home and that I don't support him. The funny thing is, I don't feel appreciated either. I stopped working to raise our children. Even when the kids were babies, he never got up to help me, but I was OK with it because he has to get up for works and I want him to feel rested in the morning.He felt connected with this professional entertainer, and she knew how to talk to him and made him feel good. I guess he's kind of dumb. This is what she does for a living. My husband has a bad temper. Often times, he yells at me for simple things. All I remember about our relation is that he yells at me a lot. Everything I do is never good enough for him. I often feel timid talking to him because I always assume he's gonna end up yelling. I believe this is the reason why I'm afraid to talk to him openly and what's on my mind. His family doesn't know about this, but they've always said that he's an asshole and they have no idea how I stay with him this long. Frankly, I don't know either, but I do really love him. I don't know how to live without him because we've been together for so long, and we have two young children who will be hurt if we separate.We just started to see a marriage counselor as well.Please help. What should I do?
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female
reader, Roadster73  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 My suggestion to you is get your couple counselling done first... He or she will see your lacking in low self esteem and might help you help yourself to raise it.... Once your feeling better about yourself your be able with help to make the best decision for you and your kids
good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): This man emotionally abuses yiu and to top it off he is a cheater as well. I really don't know how you put up with this asshole. What makes you love him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Work it out. He confessed to you he cheated. He was honest, and must feel bad. He also opened up to you about his feelings. Further, I think women who stay at home feel more vulnerable. Your youngest is 5 years old. Start loooking for a part-time job, get some independence financially and otherwise from your husband, particularly if divorce is a possibility. His bad temper might be a result of financial pressures he feels. Tell him to knock it off. His temper and anger management uissues need to be addressed in counseling and, importantly, your inability to stand up to him (... goes back to not having a job, I think, whether you know it or not). Also, the "gentlemen's club" gotta go. Period. Good luck. Try to work it out. I think you and he can.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 From what you say he really doesn't sound particularly pleasant.
You say that you love him and then you say that you don't know how to live without him. Are you sure that it isn't just the second of those things, fear of the unknown?
I live in a culture where is normal for married men to have sex outside marriage and people would consider it very strange to leave your husband because he had sex with a KTV hostess but the shouting and the intimidation are no good and they are not going to get better.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Being an Asshole is one thing, being an abusive asshole is another. Abuse is all the reason you need to end a marriage in my book. Throw in infidelity, (even attending a "gentleman's club"), and it's a closed case.
Usually I'm on the work it out side, but I can't advocate staying with an abusive partner.
FA
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