A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive hooked up with prob 10 + guys in my lifetime, but never had sex with them...I had sex ONCE with a guy (that i didnt know well) and never had it again....after having sex i realized that I had lost my self respect and that even making out with a guy i barely knew was wrong because it's lead me to sex. i just feel like I want my self respect back, I wana be a strong female who doesnt need a man to make her feel good for one night, and then he doesnt call back (nor do i want him to) (like Lauryn hills doo wop song!) I'm worried b/c Im moving into my own place so less restrictions from parents, a place all to myself...i can have any guy i want over. I don't want this at all....I just feel like the more i hoook up meaninglessly, the farther i will get to finding the right guy...when i like someone, I don't want to jump him, i want to get to know him, and I want the same from the guy, i dont respect guys who wana hook up with me, they dont mean anything. How do I refuse a hot guy? that's my biggest worry, I just don't think I'm strong enough eventhough I have the right mindset. I know how guilty and horrible I feel after i hook up, I've seriously repented to God for it as well. But more than religion, it's really just for myself, it's just not right or good, I'm done 'having meaningless fun' but just so worried that when Im faced with the next guy, I won't refuse (its so easy to get a guy in my bed!) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMetalsman, when I hook up though, i don't really care what the guy thinks of me b/c im not taking him seriously either, i dont want to get to kno him or date him, he is JUST a body lol. But that does help! I think me worrying and knowing how wrong it is for me will prob get me through it but still freaked out by the idea, the next time im faced with a hot guy around me. True, he won't rrespect me, ur right! then ill have a bad rep, i prob have a semi bad rep here but just dont kno about it b/c ppl prob talk behind my back about it...so i dont want that! thanks :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): well ur body wants sex but ur mind/heart wants emotional intimacy.. stick to masturbation.. in my opinion that shud cool you off.. and be strong.. once you cross that thin line you'll make it..
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 August 2010):
 I do hope that the guys you meet will respect you for your decision. You are right that sex should be reserved for solid committed relationships. Make sure you are looking in the places where you will find guys of a similar mindset. Not all guys are easy to get into bed.
FA
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A
male
reader, metalsman  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Hello there,
Well there is another concensous on this which goes something like; A guy who respects you and is worth his salt won't want to just hop into bed with you for a one-night-wonder too.
I for one am less than impressed with a girl who would want to give her "all" on a first date, or for the sake of just a one night stand. Frankly it's the kind of thing which would make me question HER capability of good judgement and capacity for value.
So, there you see there's another edge to the coin, one which perhaps suggests that someone truly genuine wouldn't be put off by a relutance to engage in meaningless sex prior to really getting to know someone properly.
Best Regards
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