A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,It took me two days to even talk about this,cause I'm unable to wrap around what happened to me..My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me yesterday for a reason sooo silly and immatur'ish' if I can say..When he first met me,he was very shy spoke less,and I found out from friends that he really likes me and tends to get nervous,after abt 8 months he asked me out and I was happy he did cuz I really liked him too,I like shy men,he was soo well mannered,and a total gentlemen..now here's the thing my boyfriend 'from what the world would see is not a good looking guy' but for me he's perfect on the other hand I don't mean to be pompous but the reason I'm saying this is cuz you'l need to the exact matter to give advise..so I'm very good looking and men get intimitaded by me so did my boyfriend..so people used to tease my boyfriend like 'beauty and the beast'..and I used to tell him to give a deaf ear and his whole day would be ruined!!once a friend told him 'how did 'you' land this girl' u know things like that,many instances!!but we got thru at all,abt 3 days ago he called to meet and he said he's breaking up with me and he wishes nothing but the best and that's it he leaves!!I tried calling and texting him but no answer!!we had no fights,arguements nothing..!I can't believe he took his friends seriously and dumped me..and apparently one of his friends told him he's my pity date and I'l get bored of him..so untrue:( I miss him like crazy!what do I do if he won't talk to me?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Cerberus put it VERY bluntly but also very straight from the heart and I think he is absolutely right.
The reason he invited you to his parents place is because he thinks you will be polite and not dig into whatever the truth really is. Who would DEMAND they BF tell you the truth the whole truth and nothing BUT the truth in from of said BF's parents? If he REALLY wanted to work this out he would need to grow a set, be honest and open with out and not HIDE behind his parents.
I think you are doing the right thing in NOT getting back with him.
I still think it's a little odd that your sister decided to meddle in your business, she SHOULD have come to you. And I would in no uncertain terms tell her that, if I were you. Maybe she sees things about him you don't/didn't but there is no need for "ninja" moves like that.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advide cerebrus I agree with you 100%
I was left hurt,broken,rethinking each and everything that I said to him and what could be the possibilty of him dumping me,and then I know it may be cuz of the cruel comments my friends and co workers pass on him 'abt the superficial looks' etc..AND now this..I spoke to my sister all she said was I want you to open your eyes and see what he's doing!!we r going to have another talk soon..but no matter what I have decided not to go back to him!!
I deserve better!!thank you everyone fatherly advice..annd the rest take care all..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): Fatherly Advice is right OP, the first conversation you should have is with your sister to ask her what she was thinking and/or doing, if that is the real reason he broke up at all.
What do you mean you tried talking to her? You either talked to her or you didn't OP, did she blow you off or something?
Secondly I think you're right about him. Not only did he dump you on a whim, he's not just shy OP he's painfully insecure and far too weak. is this really the kind of guy you can entrust your emotional wellbeing to?
Not only that OP but his excuse changed, so he actually broke up with you based on a lie one that really didn't stand up to scrutiny.
Find out what your sister actually said to him, you said it yourself something about this still doesn't make any sense. Why would she go behind your back like that? What does she see in him that you may not see? Was it really as "bad" as he said or did she more have a conversation with him about ways in which he can be better for you? was her intention even to break up or was she perhaps trying to have a chat to bury the hatchet and get how she feels out in the air?
You know the worst thing about this is even his attempt at reconciliation is gutless and shit. He wants you to go to his parents so they can give you the royal treatment or even talk to you too? Give me a break, he can't even man up to win you back.
Talk to your sister and get her side, find out everything you can from her, after that meet up with him for a coffee during the day somewhere public if you still have unanswered questions to get closure. But overall the situation is this, he dumped you after two years based on a few sentences from someone else, he didn't even give you a chance to fix things he just threw you away. If he can do it once he can do it again how you can ever fully enjoy being with him again I don't know, he should have come to you to fix this but instead he ran away, you deserved far better than that after a two year thing and what he did was cowardly and it was selfish. It also shows how he deals with major issues OP, he runs away and panics. Not the kind of person I could ever be with in the long term, we can't fix issues if they just run away, we're just left alone to pick up the pieces waiting and hoping they'll come back and snap out of it fuck that.
He ripped out your heart and threw it away for absolutely nothing, no good reason at all and he didn't even have the balls to be honest with you as to why he did that and now he wants you to ambush you at his parents house? His domain? I don't think so. Being shy is one thing, being a weakminded, pathetic little pussy is another.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 November 2012):
 What do I think you should do?
- Verify with your sister. If it is true, tell her how much her interfering has hurt you. Let her know you don't appreciate her meddling.
- I see that you have answered my question from my first reply. No you are not determined enough to do what it would take. And, I understand and agree with that. You love shy men, but, you want him to be a "Man", not a wimp, pushed around by every wind.
Yes he was hurt, but after 2 years he should have had enough evidence to be stronger than he was. If you decide to get back together it is going to have to be on the condition of him manning up!
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey I wanted to give u guys an update,my boyfriend well my ex finally replied to me and said he wants to talk to me,I went..and he told me the reason he said my sister who had come down from los angeles came to meet him,she's like a mother figure to me,she told him that he and I aren't meant to be together..and that for him having me is a bonus but for me its just a downfall and s^^^I was aware that my sister didn't like him but I didn't know she would come to my city only to talk to him!he said he was very hurt that day and just wanted to be alone,but in these couple of days he realised he couldn't live without me even if he wanted to.He's invited me to come visit his parents home and settle things out but now I don't think I want that.This is because how can he want to leave me on the basis of what someone else said?He should be bold and stick by me,but he put me in pain..I tried talking to my sister.,what do you think I should do?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 October 2012):
I agree with the majority of the uncles and aunties. That is the most BULL SHIP excuse for breaking up I have ever heard, and honestly, you have to be pretty naive if you actually BELIEVE it.
People don't end a relationship after 2 year because their partner is too pretty for them.. That just isn't reality.
Something ELSE going on, no doubt.
1. he ought to know that he isn't a "pity date" no one stays 2 years out of pity.
2. No one dumps a 2 year partner because she is too beautiful, be honest with yourself.
You need to respect him and NOT call/text/try and get in contact with him.
Time for you to work on moving on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I too do not think he broke up with you due to your good looks... something (or someone) else is going on...
if he was that intimidated he never would have asked you out and after two years... no way it's your looks.
sadly you are owed a truthful explanation but he's not going to want to give it to you....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 October 2012):
 Sister, I KNOW "where you're coming from".... as I am "ohmigosh" handsome, and the girls can't keep their eyes and, thankfully, their HANDS off of me......
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 October 2012):
 I'm not buying his excuse either. This was all too neat and efficient to be sudden. He's made up his mind and he doesn't want the hassle of having to explain himself any further.
My advice is to leave it be for the time being. You don't know what will happen in the future. He may change his mind. Whether he does or doesn't he doesn't deserve the comfort of thinking you'll be waiting for him. Besides trying to contact him again would be pushy and aggressive.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 October 2012):
So he is Shy, or insecure. Or, he believes his friends more than he believes in you. And he has separated from you in a bad way. He might be lying. But knowing all of that you still want to fix it.
O K. First thing you have to do is reconnect communication. Without being a creepy clingy stalker. Then you are going to have to make some demands, and in return you are going to need to open your heart to him.
You need to know that he didn't break up to be with someone else. You need to know that he believes you. Or at least that he wants to believe you. He needs to know That you think he is perfect. That he is what you want. And that you are willing to fight to keep him.
Are you determined enough to do that?
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): "I can't believe he took his friends seriously and dumped me" That's because he didn't dump you for that reason, it's something else and he's just making up an excuse.
OP no guy in the history of humankind has ever dumped a woman after 2 years because he was intimidated by her looks. He wouldn't have stuck around that long at all if he truly was intimidated and you know what, if he's a record breaking first then pardon my language but fuck him, he's obviously nowhere near the nice guy you thought he was if he dump you over your looks.
It's all lies OP, that's not the reason. I mean come on OP, he dumped you because he thought he was going lose you when you get bored, seriously? How is being afraid of losing someone a reason to dump them? It make no sense, it's like a soldier shooting himself because he doesn't want to get shot.
Makes no sense and if it makes no sense it's not true, the guy is just a gutless loser who doesn't even have the decency to give you the real reason. So you need to move on, find a real man who will respect you and isn't some insecure little douche. OP being shy is fine, being insecure is not. There's a very fine line so be careful next time. This guy needs to stay gone, if this magically is the real reason then bar burning your face with hot iron there is nothing you can do to fix this and if it's not the real reason then fuck him, he's an inconsiderate liar. Either way he just threw away a 2 year relationship. He should have no comebacks from that.
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