A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend wants a threesome!! Mature answers pls?My boyfriend is 27 I'm 23 we've been together over 3 years. He keeps bringing up threesomes for years ( as he has never had one)and today over the phone (I'm overseas for 7 wks) he was talking about having a threesome I said I would be keen if it was oral only. He doesn't mind girl or guy. but he continued to say he wouldn't mid if I was inthe moment and if i wanted the guy to **** me so long as he was inclded. I got upset because Imagining him fuckig someone makes me sick. I think giving someone oral (girl) to turn your Boyf on is a good enough threesome. I told him this n he said I'm never talking about this again were obviously not mature enough?? And brings up his two friends who are engaged with 2 kids ( in the space of 4 yrs meeting each other) said they used to bring girls home n she used to say "go for it" but he would never "go through with fuckig them". He says I'm enough, I don't worry that she will be better than me I worry that it ruins the special part of your relationship?? We plan to be together long termCan I have advice on people that have actually done the same? Thanks
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 I have to laugh when a man badgers his wife or girlfriend for a threesome yet claims she is enough for him. If this were true he wouldn't want someone else, would he?
Yes, it often does ruin that special part of a relationship, but in your case, I'm sad to say, there doesn't appear to be one. If there were, he wouldn't be so eager to share it.
Your boyfriend is way too hungry to invite others to join you in bed. This tells me he is not serious about you for the long term, or is but only as long as you're prepared to indulge him.
Think about this. He is clearly not worried about losing you to a better man. Why do you suppose that is?
Your boyfriend is very predictable and unsophisticated. Doesn't that bore you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): This is a bad idea, there is no question about that. I completely agree with FA. It seems in his mind, your bf's, that you are immature because you don't experiment. Which is bullsh*t. Experimentation like this best done when single. But in a relationship? A serious one? No. It's almost as though he wants to sabotage your relationship, your future together.
He says that his previous gfs had done it...well, they are not together now, are they? Hmmm...I wonder why!
Flat out say, NO! If you want to be together for a long time, don't invite others into your bed. Because after that, where is it going to stop? There will always be something more he will want the two of you to try. And that shows lack of consideration for you and you relationship.
He is using the age card because he's older and believes himself to be the mature one in the relationship. Age has nothing to do with maturity.
Ask him what he would rather have. A serious gf? Or someone he plays with?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 October 2012):
 Very few men can actually go all the way except for selfish, narcissitic men who don't care at all for their partners. I also question the girls who are willing to be the third person intruding an existing committed relationship. Three complete strangers doing it, fine. A person in love would not want to share. A person who feels nothing about taking another person's spouse must be denying their own feelings of awkwardness. I read books about polyamory, the ethical slut, and open relationships and no, I don't think you can lie to yourself for the sake of trying out a popular thing. Your boyfriend wants to try it just because his friend is doing it. He is 27, he has had all those years to experiment so why not? Something was stopping him just like it is stopping most of us.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Honestly I think if you are both serious about this relationship then allowing someone else in to your bedroom is a big mistake. At the moment you both might seem okay with it, but once actually in the act I could almost guarantee that one of you will get jealous or feel uncomfortable. Yes it might seem a good fantasy in his head, but I think for the sake of your relationship it is best kept as a fantasy.
Don't look at it like him not minding you being with another man look like he doesn't care about you, sometimes people can put there feelings and sex apart. I am sure you are enough for your man he probably just feels like experimenting a bit, but I honestly think it is best left for the sake of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 oops, I tho9ught you wanted mature answers, Then at the end you wanted mature answers from people who have done this. Well like you I don't think it's a good idea and have never done it. But I'm wondering if you will read my take on the question anyway.
It seems that over the past 3 - 5 years the popularity of the threesome has skyrocketed. Every young person, and many old enough to know better have put it on their bucket list. It is the new fad, the must have experience.
Why is it so popular? I think the porn industry has pushed it. It makes more interesting footage, or it just sells well. Unfortunately, it has transferred into a popular fantasy. Like many fantasies, it is interesting, titillating, and exciting, but not really a good idea.
Here is the mechanics of why. Relationships are made up of communication, trust, and shared intimacy. There are many kinds of intimacy. Sexual is a big one, financial is another, but just a shared secret is an intimacy. Intimacies are possible because of trust, and in return they build trust. So you have a "special part" of your relationship, it is special because it is an intimacy that you two share alone. Then you bring in a temporary partner to play. That opens the intimacy to someone who doesn't share the trust that you have already built.
Some historical data. Back in the last century there was always a small part of society that were swingers, partner swappers. Aside from that one unusual hobby they generally led average lives, with their second favorite hobby being television. The swinger group never grew much because most people can not do it and hold their marriages together. The same applies to the threesome fad, except we have convinced ourselves that since it is a one time thing, it is now safe to try. It is an experiment not a commitment. The trouble is that it is exactly the same as swinging, or cheating, or philandery, It is opening up the relationship.
I do hope that as this question goes on you will get replies from those that have tried it and had good and bad experiences.
My advice is that if you feel the way you do you will not like the threesome experience, and you will likely be hurt by the experience. I really don't like the maturity comment your boyfriend made. As your relationship matures you will be less and less likely to want a threesome, because your bonds to each other will multiply, and strengthen. Trying everything is not a mature thing to me. It's more of a teenager thing.
FA
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