A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Well it’s kind of a weird question so I don’t know if I'll get much advice but I pray I do :)my mom recently adopted a baby boy over the summer. we brought him home from the hospital I even named him and have been raising him the past few months because my mom’s always been busy with work she’s a single mom of 6 plus the ones she recently adopted and I’m the youngest . It’s sad to say I have 5 selfish greedy older siblings so I help my mom with everything I possibly can. besides there are so many kids in my family I just luv children so I’m happy to help with my new brother I love and adore him seriously my voice was the first he recognised I made him smile first and held him first and am with him like every second and he never cries and has always slept the whole night threw so he’s a total blessing. I feel like a mom most of the time lolz. So it was really hard to decide to leave home The reason I left was because all my siblings lived so close and always wanted me to do things for them and get them things or help every second of every day! and I’m a strict person how thinks u do things for yourself and you do not have others do it for u and when id refuse they yell at me or cuss me out and tell me how selfish I was. Then I get really angry and I’ve had a lot of health problems sins I was little and when I get upset my body collapses and I’m stuck in bed for days its seriously annoying like it even happens when I’m too happy or nervous it really bugs me. and then recently when things like that happen or I’m in the middle of doing something my hart starts to hurt a lot it feels like it stops then has to restart and it hurts like crazy and all of these things also make it hard to focus on school so I moved to my grandparents. My mom said I could take my brother out there on the days she had to work but my grandfather said no it’s lonely here I’m mostly by myself in my room or at the park because I’m home schooled and can only c my friends for a few hours if they don’t have homework and when I try to talk to my grandparents they get worried and start saying annoying things about how pale I am or my losing wait and all my fevers or my grandfather stars talking about how my mom was stupid to adopt more kids when she already had so many to be it really makes me mad because I had originally came into ask about something completely different not hear rude things about my mother or frustrating remarks that’s just not there place to say. So I don’t talk to them too much and mostly keep to myself and when I call my mom she tells me she thinks he misses me and how he’s having a hard time adjusting because I’d always sing him to sleep and rock him to calm him down and my mom’s been playing him the songs we recorded me singing at night but they don’t work as well and he won’t really calm down for any one. so apparently even if you’re a few months old things can still be really hard and that kills me and I miss him so much I can’t even think about him or I star balling and it makes me really sad and I know this letter is long but I’m not really good with expressing how I feel or just asking things directly so for that I’m sorry I hope whoever reads this can give me advice on my family or health but mostly on how I can stop being upset about not being with my baby brother or really just anything u think I might need to know because I just need some good advice lol thank you soo much for taking the time to read this I know it might be an odd thing to read on this website but I just don’t really know where else I might find good advice so thanks:) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): Your grandparents and your mother want what is best for you. This situation will be healthier for you in the long run. Your education should be your very top priority right now along with protecting and improving your health.
May I ask a difficult question? I suspect this baby boy is actually your son. And your mother became his guardian because you were having difficulties balancing taking care of him, your education and your health. Is that the case here?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, and to answer questions on my home schooling i have private tutors who come into teach me.I just recently started home school last year. It's all fairly easy, now that im not obsessing over my family :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank for ur advice it helps me alot:) and il try to get along with my grandparents.and as for the adoption i know its strange lol but my whole family adores him so we wouldnt have it eny other way and now my mom is fourced to spend way more time at home so i gess i just need to take ur advice and adjust and be away from him ,but defenetly find new intrests. :) thank u sooo much! o and to awnser statments on my 5 older sibling well i think they got it from my dad cuz hes even worse then them. im not sher really but i was just raised my my mom and i dont really think im like them very much and thank god for that lolz jk :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): Hi honey,
Well, I was once in your place. I was 17, accepted into university and was expected by my mother to look after my little brother, cook and clean often and take the bus 3 hours away to university! I grew very tired of the situation. I couldn't enjoy being a student and immerse myself in academia. So like you, at a young age, I moved away.
I think you've done the right thing. I think your grandparents are wonderful! Spend more time with them and be kind to them, they are working in your best interests. The reason they start talking about your mother & the situation is because they are in disbelief at how selfish you mother is. They love you more than you know. They want you to be a healthy and happy well adjusted teenager. NOT a teenage mother to an adopted baby. They want you to focus on your schooling and yourself. That is love. Sometimes when you love someone you have to do things that are the best for them, even if it provides them discomfort. This is what they are doing. Your grandparents are setting boundaries in your life so you can be a normal teenager.
Your mother is very selfish. I hope you realize this. She brought a child into the home without being able to provide him with the right amount of attention and care. She already has so many kids, including you, to think about. The poor baby could have gone to a home with two loving parents that would have given him lots of attention. However, the baby went to a home where the mother USES her home schooled youngest child as a nanny. You became the babys mother. You spent more time with him than your mother. That is why the baby misses you. He's bonded with you.
Bonding with you isn't healthy. Eventually, like any child, you will leave the nest. Younger siblings get left behind. This is the normal way of life. Over the long run, you were not doing the baby any good by bonding with him like a mother. He needs to bond with his true mother. Your mother is now forced to think about adjusting her schedule to make time for the demands of mothering a baby. She no longer can take advantage of you and use you for free nanny services.
In all, I think your grandparents have done a great service for you. Be kind to them and understanding that they are upset about the situation. Even though you can't see it, they know just how unfair the situation was. They're your biggest support and want the best for you.
Visit the baby weekly. It'll be good for you and him. However, I think you need to also join some clubs and groups to make more friends and socialize. Sign up for church groups, find teen camps/groups that meet up weekly, go to the movies and mall. Also, start planning and thinking about college. Thats the next step right? Do not do your siblings any favors for now. Focus on yourself, your education and your health.
Hope this helps! Sometimes is difficult to see where you are when you're in the middle of a tornado!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2012): Fatherly Advice is quite correct, you must look to your own needs before you will be able to care for others. In your age range of 16-17, you have one foot in childhood and the other in young adulthood.You suffer from health problems that cause you to collapse and be confined to your bed. Are you receiving proper medical attention for your condition? Please follow your doctors' advice and do not overstrain yourself.Now you are living with your grandparents, a quiet life from what you have described. It is your time now to regroup, deal with your health issues, gain your strength.It is natural that you miss your baby brother. He will always be your baby brother. He will adjust to his new circumstances. Pretend that you are on an extended vacation. Rest, do your reading and homework. Your caretaking duties are on temporary hold. Your duty now is to be the student, and child, not to be the adult. Your duty is to tend your health so that you are able to return home, strong in mind and body. Do your schoolwork. Follow the medical advice your doctors give to you. Treat yourself as lovingly and tenderly as you treat your baby brother.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 October 2012):
 Hi
Your health is abolutely number one as a priority. And your health must come first.
Even though there are some issues surrounding why you feel so protective towards your mother I applaud your grandfather for standing up for you and your health.
It sounds like you are very stressed. Physically your heart may be fine. But emotional stress can bring on pains in your chest and around your heart which could be calmed if you did not have so much stress foisted upon you.
It is very loving of you to choose to and want to look after your newly adopted brother. Though I cannot quite understand why your mother was allowed to adopt if she does not have the time to devote to her newly adopted baby. Could it be that Mom is Fostering the baby until the baby is to be put up for adoption? even then, if your Mom does not have the time to devote to the baby then how did the authorities even allow her to bring the baby home?
I can see that you have bonded emotionally with the baby but I do not think you should be made to feel responsible for the baby. Your mother is the adult. Your Mother is required to be the one responsible for the baby. Your Mother should allow you tp concentrate on your studies and allow you to be a teenager.
Who was home schooling you if you are at home with baby and your Mom is at work?
Getting an Education is your Next month important responsiblity. This is non-negotiable. How are you expected to make your way in life if later it is found that your spelling or your numberical skills are not up to standard?
I get that your grandparents are a little Judgemental.
That would be tough on you as you love your Mom, you love your adopted little brother and have not bonded fully with your grandparents.
But right now I think your grand-arents are your greatest allies. Please allow them to protect you.
I do encourage you to see a Doctor. Speak to your grandparents and acknowlege that you are very tired and strssed and you would like to see a Doctor. You could go alone to the doctor or with your grandmother. You need to be fully checked out.
Don't allow yourself to be 'put upon' or used.
I know it is very nice o be needed.
But in order to help otherts you need to be EXTRA NICE to you.
Being Judgemental is never good. Your selfish older siblings will have to face that they are not worthy of you while they treat you like their servant
When things get especially tough I recommend that you contact Befrienders.org
or try the following link.
http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/crisis_hotlines.htm#crisis10
Once you get your own health right you will be better able to assess wheher you can find the time to HELP out with
with your newly adopted brother.
Your Mother through has primary responsibility for the care of the baby.
Surely your mother can see that you need more support? And not to be mis-used and put upon by everyone else.
I think you are doing your best re your grandparents. And I think they truly do care.
But please, a visit to the Doctor may help you in more ways thzn you could ever imagine.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 October 2012):
 So, you are a giver. It is a big part of your personality. It is a bit unusual for a youngest child. You are facing one of the common challenges of a giving lifestyle. That of being over used. It seems to me that you have a pretty good method of handling that problem, except for one thing. You try to hold it all inside.
I don't know about your health problems , but I do know this, if you don't learn to take care of your own needs first you will not be able to be the caring giving person that you enjoy being. Your grandparents are trying to help you with this by giving you loving restrictions. Go along with it until you are stronger. Keep up with you studies. try to focus on your self.
FA
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