A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:I really envy some of my cousins. One is a spoilt brat who gets everything she wants. My other cousins had kids before they got engaged and their parents always baby sit them. But If I had kids out wedlock my parents would call me nasty names. My parents also think having kids out of wedlock ruins the family name, even though we only see my dad's family once a year. I keep feeling jealousy about other's situations.Family and friends. How do I contain my jealousy?
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cousin, engaged, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, meccamega +, writes (29 October 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really think their parenting style would be more suited to rebellious, out of control teens/ children.
A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (29 October 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou that's sort of what I was trying to get at.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 October 2012):
 ...Sad, but not so unusual you know ? particularly with parents , the generational gaps and all. Weird, but you can still love people , deep down, (or not even so deep down...) and still not be able to LIKE them, no matter how hard you try.
So basically, you are not really jealous of your cousins because of the stuff they get, or the kids they have. You envy them because they have with their parents a loving, close relationship that you could not have so far.
...maybe there is not much you can do about it right now , but at least there are two things you can look forward to :
- moving out ( and the sooner the better ). You won't stay with your parents forever, and often some physical distance makes wonders , eliminating the pesky little daily annoying issues, and allowing a more relaxed, balanced r/ship
- getting your " revenge " on your parents... by being a totally different kind of parent to your own kids when you'll have them, and giving them all the comprehension, affection and respect that you feel was denied to you.
Some times what looks like a handicap is actually a strength. I think having received " bad " parenting may make you careful to avoid your parents' mistakes and make you a better parent than them.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (27 October 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. Of course I know people can act and think different to their parents. But I just feel so jealous. I can't stand my parents at all.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 October 2012):
.. But that would only matter if you 'd believe in their judgement and let it get at you...
If you KNOW you are not a slut and whore, your parents can say all they want, the body is yours , its reproductive capacity as well, and the brain you think with too.
Your parents are entitled to have their own opinions, as conservative and closeminded as they can be... it does not mean that these opinions have to affect you, or change your life.
You are allowed to adopt different values from your parents. I understand it can be disappointing and frustrating that they would not see eye to eye with you in many cases, but... that's just what happens normally. Do you think that now all people still act and think and feel the same as their parents, grandparents, great- grandparents, etc. ? Thoughts and values evolve.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (27 October 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks but I've only just started dating someone new, so I'm not going to have children anytime soon. Why be jealous? Because my parents are strict and autocratic thats why. Even if I did have kids my point is I would be called slut and a whore for having kids out of wedlock.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Here's a suggestion: Remember that jealousy is like a cancer that is inside you.... and if FEEDS on your jealous feelings.... and can survive ONLY if you feed it those jealous feelings.....
Then, forget about your cousins and STOP feeding the cancer!!!
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2012): meccamega jealousy usually stems from feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and a lack of self-fulfilment. How you get rid of it is easy, either realize you have it way better than they do by realizing that you wouldn't trade anything about your life for theirs or if you don't have that then get that. Make your life so awesome that you don't care what other people have.
Why would you be jealous of spoilt brat? Because she gets stuff for nothing? Screw that, it's just stuff, having stuff doesn't make your life better somehow I mean you will never ever have everything so you'll always find reasons to be jealous if you're jealous of people with more stuff than you.
meccamega if you want kids then it's time to find a husband and get get kids. If you're not ready for all that then why be jealous?
Look time to focus on you and your life, time start working on getting the things you want in life and working towards achieving your goals. Have something to feel pride in yourself, start finding ways to better yourself and improve your life. It's pretty hard to be jealous of others when you're busy making your own life awesome.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 October 2012):
 Meccamega,
Why do you want to become the things you despise? The issue here is between you and your parents, not between you and your cousins.
Now is the time in your life when you need to solidify your core beliefs. Think hard about what you want to be. Your core beliefs will determine what kind of person you will be. When you are strong enough to stand alone, your parents will stop guiding you.
Be happy that they are not spoiling or indulging you. You contain your jealousy by looking in, not out. Strong personalities are not jealous.
FA
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