A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend is starting to really tick me off!I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and though I wouldn't say I'm in love with him, I know I'm really crazy about him. He and I made a pact that we wouldn't just throw the "I Love You" around before knowing 100% that we mean it!I like the fact that in our r.ship we aren't joined at the hip, he accepts that I have guys friends, I accept that he has female friends. I honestly don't think he would cheat on me and I don't feel the compulsion to stray either.You could say that even though we've been together 2 years we're still taking it on a day to day basis; no rush, no plans for the future until we both are ready for them and both want it.It isn't that I have no expectations, high or low, it's just that he and I both enjoy the time we share together. It's really that simple. But my friend don't seem to understand that. She keeps on urging me to 'lock him down' or make some sort of commitment before another girl 'snatches' him. To define the relationship. I don't see the need to rush anything and when I tell her that, she gets incredibly irritated.Then on numerous occasions, she tried to get me to more jealous and doubtful of his friendships with his female friends. I've met them all and I know that one of them likes him, but I'm not worried about that. From the way he acts with her, he sees her as a little sister. So my friend is constantly questioning me about his interactions with other girls and...again, it doesn't bother me. I know that if he cheated, I'd deal with it if and when I ever crossed that bridge.I told her plain and simple that I didn't want to be looking through his mail, or cell or laptop, since I know that I hate it when others snoop around my things...she wants me to be more cautious about who I'm with and what he does behind my back.I want to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. And I honestly have nothing to doubt for. Again, if there is anything, I'll deal with it myself, on my terms.And her negative attitude has increased in the past four/five months...once at dinner at a restaurant, she started 'interrogating' my bf. Later she claimed she was doing it for me.How do I get her to stop this?I've tried talking to her, but she doesn't stop.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): it is none of her business and that needs to be made clear to her, as long as you and your bf are happy with the ways things are then that is all that matters
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 As I have read and reread this there are a few points that keep sticking out. With whom do you have the stronger connections? Your boyfriend or your friend? Which will you give up to keep the other? It could come to that.
It seems you are unwilling to exclude your friend from your life, so you are going to have to take other measures. First and foremost she does not go on dates with you! That is simply unhealthy. Next you need to learn to use "nevertheless". It is a powerful word for ending nagging and questioning. When she makes an unwanted suggestion, you say, Thanks for your input, "nevertheless" I have decided that I will do this. It will take a few weeks of this before she stops trying to manipulate you. Eventually she will figure out that she doesn't need to mother you. All women have a drive to nurture and protect. She is just getting a bit carried away with it.
About your relationship with the Boyfriend. It is ok to have the pact you do because, it allows for growth in the relationship. I'm worried that the growth isn't happening, but I'm not afraid that you are running out of time. I think your friend is wrong that some other girl is going to snatch him up. Quite frankly he is living the modern young mans dream, no commitments and steady attention from you. Why would he look for more?
When he wants commitment he will let you know, never fear.
FA
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Distance yourself for awhile, she is way too involved in your private business.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 October 2012):
 Is SHE single? kind of sounds like it. I think that whether it's jealousy or what, her attitude is toxic. What's she's doing is not for you because you've told her what you need is her not to talk about this. Say it's your life and you're allowed to and want to and accept making mistakes, you're an adult. You can try one more time to be firm say that you feel that the way she views your relationship is alienating you from her and it's making you not want to be around her because you're happy with your relationship, and she's bringing you down for no good reason. Either you need a 100% no discussion rule about your bf or you need to cut her out of your life, and I really would lay it out like that. maybe then she'll snap out of it and realize she's doing more damage than good.
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