A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What should I do when my heart isn't into a relationship?Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 3 years. And I've been laid off from jobs three times in the last two years.Sometimes I just don't have the emotional strength to get through these tough times.I'm having a hard time being more open because my heart isn't ready for more of a serious relationship.She isn't pressuring me to do that. But eventually she wants to get married and have a family.But for me I'm not up for that.It just feels I'm never going to be ready for a commitment. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Every relationship is alway more work than a fun after a few years. At first you are falling in love and everything is great and fun. Also any afflictions don't bother when you first go out - this is normal and happens in new and young relationships. But as the years go by the feelings of falling in love will vanish more and more (because falling in love is all about hormones and it happens to you). Now it is time for (real) love. And this kind of love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't always feel anything. If you decide to love the other person, you put this person on the first place in your life. This definition of real, deep, solid love I've learnt form the Christendom and it doesn't agree with the modern view of love. Today to love an other person means that oneself wants to rejoice. You expect him or her to be accountable for you for everything. The other person has to do everything to make you happy and fill every hole and gap in you. But nobody is able to do this and nobody is perfect and we can not expect them to be!
So now it is your DECISION if you WANT to love her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Tell her, and then leave her and don't go back unless (1) she is on the same page as you; or (2) you become sure. I am not going to say you don't care for her; but somewhere along the line you began to see her as more needy and taking than giving. Her illnesses "take." Her abstinence "take." Her being so clearly emotionally dependent on you "takes." Ask yourself what you need, and what she gives? Besides her loyalty, which also benefits her own desire to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): I never said that I never cared about her.It just feels like is she the only girl I'm ever going to meet.Its not fair for the both of us to continue in a relationship where we're not going to be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): I'm just going to make this plain and simple -- you're simply not into her any more, medical reasons aside. I think it's time to cut loose and move on. It would be wrong to drag her along thinking that there might be light at the other end of the tunnel, not to mention trying to continue the charade that you care about her when you don't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): Ok, there are some issues that I'm dealing with.One she has a mild case cerebral palsy and 2 she has Psoriasis. I was all over her for the the first couple of years and now after she moved out things changed.Like sexual has changed towards her.Is these inflictions going to bother me even more if we do get married.How are we going to have sex if the afflictions continue to bother me?She wants to wait until we get married to have sex.But is it really worth it for me in the long run with those types of afflictions getting in the way.At first the afflictions didn't bother me when we first went out but on and off they do.And one last things that I complete her but it seems I don't really feel the same way.It seems its becoming more work than a fun relationship for me.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 January 2009):
You have to be honest with her about it. She could be hanging on with you forever hoping you'll change your mind and get down on one knee.
If you just talk to her about how you don't think you ever want kids or marriage or any of that stuff then you will know she knows. After that if she wants to stick around then it's because she likes you and you are doing ok. If she wants kids and a big house she knows she's got to give you up and go else where.
Good Luck!! xx
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