A
female
age
41-50,
*nzian
writes:Dear aunts and unclesI'm with my boyfriend for 4 years. We had some problems the last few month, but know, we want to stay together and may go further. At the beginning of our problems in October, I went to a advanced training course, where I met a lot of nice people (never met them befor). I was reading books about men and troubled relationships there in the meeting room (everyone could see), but never talked about my boyfriend or my relationship...Now my problem. There was one man, a little older than me, who lives near my parents (I live somewhere else, in the same town my boyfriend lives). He was very friendly with me. It was not really flirting, but I enjoyed the interesst of a man very much. We were talking and laughing and it was nice to be with him. At the end of the cours I never heard of him and never thought about him.Yesterday I got a text message from this man, just wishing me all the best for the new year. I first could not remember who he was, it took me some minutes. Today I wrote a friendly text message back, wishing him all the best. I also asked about an adress of an elderly woman, which was in this course, because I want to write to her and I lost the address list - and imprudently (!) send him greetings form my parents home... Well, he now wrote back, asking me, what I am doing this evening (He probably wants to meet, easy to guess) - this is the point where I need help!To be honest, I like to get court by a man (beside that I didn't want to talk about my relationship problems to everyone especially not to poeple I only saw for one week and probably never again, an other reason I didn't tell about my boyfriend, was probably that I just enjoied to be court. It was wrong, I know...). My boyfriend does not really court me, what is one reason of our problems. But I know I want to stay with my boyfriend and I want to be faithful!So what to I answer this man? I don't know if I want to meet. I like him, but I am not interested, but I don't want to raise his hopes and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Probably the best way is to be honest. But how? What should I answer? What is a good way to be honest without being unfriendly?Thanks for your answers!
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female
reader, Sangoma  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 Aikona, you are going to get hurt. You are playing with fire. You cannot do this. You must tell him about your boyfriend or you must tell your boyfriend about him. It is like a spiderweb and you will get caught emotionally. Aikon, sop now, think what you want, freedom and him or the boyfriend. Eish, this is not good for your health, it will make you stress and very sick. No Sangoma says, you must choose. You cannot have both. Be careful.
A
female
reader, Enzian +, writes (3 January 2009):
Enzian is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to add: I am not tempted to cheat, but I know that I will give him the message that I am available. But I want to tell him, I am not and if it is allright for him, I'd like to keep in contact with him, if this is allright for him.
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A
female
reader, Enzian +, writes (3 January 2009):
Enzian is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers! Sadly, I didn't get them early enough. He phoned me and I was overstrained. I didn't know what to answer, so I lied to him :-( I tried to tell him about my boyfriend, but didn't get the possibility. So we talked and it was a little embarrassing for me. I lied to him by telling him, I have plans tonight and tomorrow...H will phone me again sometimes - so I will trie to tell him about my boyfriend and tell him, that i really like to meet him.Thanks for your answers! Hope next time I am less overstrained and can be natural and honest!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 January 2009):
You know if you meet him you will be tempted to cheat, or will give him the message that you are available.
Text him back that you are spending this evening with your boyfriend.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Little Lisa +, writes (3 January 2009):
I'd tell him you'd like to meet up with him sometime, but tell him you can't tonight as your out with your boyfriend. Suggest another time. You've told him what he needs to know, without being rude and withoutany awkwardness.
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A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 "So what to I answer this man? I don't know if I want to meet. I like him, but I am not interested, but I don't want to raise his hopes and I don't want to hurt his feelings. Probably the best way is to be honest. But how? What should I answer? What is a good way to be honest without being unfriendly?"
In every rejection there is a degree of hurt one way or another. It hurt less, if it is done early than later on when you have established raport. Send a text message about your situation that you have a boyfriend however it is very cordial if you refrain that you have no interest what so ever because of the fact.
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A
female
reader, Sangoma +, writes (3 January 2009):
Aijaja, so much trouble so easy. You tell him you have an arrangement with your boyfriend. then you inform him about the boyfriend, you are not lying, as you did not say a date or whatever, anarrangement can be tha arrangement between the two of yu to be true to each other. Aikona, you cannot cheat on your boyfriend that will be very bad. You are a good woman, but you must talk with your heart. You must make sure this is the man you want to marry. Not easy to stay with one man forever, but then you must be sure it is the ONE. I think you need to talk to yur boyfriend and tell him how you feel, what you need and what you are missing. He is not a Sangoma, he cannot read you or know what you want. COMMUNICATION is very important. Be honest with him and explain you need more courting and FIRE. He might like it too. A little more uumpfh in the relationship will be good for both.
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