A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Why can't I get a girlfriend? Every girl I meet loves me because of my advice and maturity, kindness and I am reliable but no matter how much they tell me to stay the way I am and that the world needs more nice guys like me I can't get a girlfriend. They just don't see me in that way. I always get told that they need me as a friend because it's rare to find someone like me and they don't want to tempt fate with the chance to ruin it by starting a relationship. Girls seem to string me along on dates, dinners, whatever then end up with my friend that they where seeing behind my back or hit me with the "Your so good to me, you've given me the courage to go back with my ex and maybe with you around he'll adopt your ways!" I treat them like a princess but they just run off with someone else fill me in on the details and burn me. Then wonder why I don't won't to hang around. Why do I always get hurt? A few female friends say they'd be lucky to go out with someone like me... a guy so caring and sweet but if they like my qualities so much why don't they go out with me? There must be something wrong with me!!! Fill me in?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Enzian, you're right: most of us men need a crash course in Marketing :-).
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I think the last anonymous male reader made a good point: don't be available for everyone and everytime, because if you are, there is one part of the mystery missing.He also made other good points for what I would call "flirt strategy" ;-). Just allways be honest, also and especially with yourself. Don't let a woman hurt you by investing everything in her but never get something back.
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A
female
reader, Enzian +, writes (1 May 2008):
Well there is a womens view on this, but I don't know if I will be much of a help...I know a men like you. Everyone is friend with him and especially he has a lot of female friends - but: no girlfriend and he never had one :-( I recently wondered about the fact of that. But I don't realy know the reason.Maybe he is too much of a friend? You can talk to him about everything and he is like a brother or sometimes the psychologist for different problems. I never realy saw him flirting with a woman. He is very much a gentlman, but there is missing something - I can not say what, but when you are with him, there is no mystery, no butterflies in one's stomach. Not that I would feel that with every man, but he is like a nice guy but not very interesting.Well, this could now look very hopeless (or desperate?, excuse my english please) for you, but I don't think it is.What I want to tell you is this: Don't change your character. Because you are a very good man. And the woman you will find, will be very, very lucky with you. But what you would have to change is your dating strategy. You have to sell yourself better. That is something you can learn and I'm sure you will make good progress!Wish you all the best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Basically you’ll hear advice from others about how you are too nice and need to act like a jerk to get women. They’ll tell you how you need to act like a player or look towards the pick-up community for advice on how to con a girl into a relationship. It’s all crap. When a girl falls in love with you and you treat her with the utmost respect and appreciation, she will give you that respect and appreciation back in spades. If she is refuses to see the worth in you and what you have to offer her, it is her loss and she is certainly not the one for you.The problem is not that you are too nice as people will tell you. The issue is confidence and availability. Here are some ideas to get the confidence you need while on a date:First: Tell her straight away that you are looking for a serious relationship. Make sure she understands that you have plenty of great female friends so that position in your life is filled right now. You are a busy guy with too much to offer to play games with someone. Second: When you go on a date, remember that you have very high standards. She should be trying to impress you as much as you are for her. Know what you want. If she doesn’t meet your criteria, move on. If she isn’t into the date as much as you are, move on. This has nothing to do with playing games or being a jerk. Being respectful is a great strength of yours and can be very attractive in the right setting. You just need to be in the mindset that you are on this date to determine if this girl is the right one for you. If you start approaching dates in this way, you’ll notice the girls will start pursuing you instead of the other way around. Third: Date several women at the same time until you found someone that YOU want to be in a relationship with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. You may think a particular girl is “the one”, but if she doesn’t have the same feelings for you in return, she isn’t “the one”. It’s that simple. Keep in mind; this is not the same thing as being a player. The goal is that your date needs to understand that you are considering others as well as her. This will put her in a competitive environment and that will make you much more attractive to her. However don’t lead anyone on, when you do decide to get into an exclusive relationship make sure you remain exclusive from that point on. Fourth: Consider the concept of availability. You have your own life. It does not revolve around your any girl you may be considering for a relationship. You have other dates to go on, friends to hang out with. Until you are in an actual relationship you are under no obligation to rearrange your schedule for someone else. Finally: When you do get into a relationship with someone, feel free to shower them with all the love and respect that you have. Just never let them take you for granted. If you do, they will eventually lose interest and move on. The fact is, you are a great guy. You have a lot to offer someone. She needs to know if she can’t appreciate those qualities in you, then you aren’t going to waste any more time with her. She needs to understand that if she starts taking you for granted, it will be you that moves on, not her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Simple. Stop being friends with them. Ask early on for a date, relationship, if they say no don't hang around. Youve set your price at friend, matey guy so thats what they pay and buy.Good Luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): You're just learning the hard lesson that every guy must learn in his teens: Nice guys finish last. Stop listening to what girls say they want, and start looking at what kinds of guys that they actually get with every time. Those are two totally different things.It's a hard lesson but you've gotta learn it. When it comes to girls there's usually no reward for being a decent guy. Especially not in your teens and early 20s. Girls will care about you, admire you, come to you with thier problems and concerns . . . and they'll go right on sleeping with jerks who aren't lifting a finger for them compared to you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (1 May 2008):
Yes, you're right. You're the typical "nice guy". There is something wrong with you if every girl you meet wants you for a friend only. It means that girls like you but, in the end, they don't find you a good match. That's why they go back to someone else.
Ask_Oldersister gave a very good answer on that recently, but I forget where the link is. If you search for her answers you will find it.
I believe that we should give the floor to women. They are the ones who know why they dump us. I do have a link to a good article I found sometime ago:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
Hope this helps.
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