I have a wonderful man waiting for me but I'm too scared to leave my abusive boyfriend!
Q. I'm stuck in an abusive relationship and I have a way out, but I never take it. I'm 23 and I've been with my boyfriend since I was 14 and we have a house together. For the past three years or so he has been mean and abusive. He shouts at me, hits me ...
A. 13 February 2009: Try this link for Love and the Stockholm Syndrome (the first one did not work):
http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html
Good luck to you, and let us know how you are doing.... (read in full...)
I have a wonderful man waiting for me but I'm too scared to leave my abusive boyfriend!
Q. I'm stuck in an abusive relationship and I have a way out, but I never take it. I'm 23 and I've been with my boyfriend since I was 14 and we have a house together. For the past three years or so he has been mean and abusive. He shouts at me, hits me ...
A. 13 February 2009: I wish I had more time to respond in-depth to your situation, but in the meantime, do yourself a favor and read these two articles:
The Loser:
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
Love and the Stockholm Syndro... (read in full...)
Is looking at live nude webcam girls porn or cheating?
Q. I have asked this question before but feel the need to ask one more time. Has any girl out there had her boyfriend look at live nude girls on a video cam? Or are there any guys who watch it? Is it normal and I'm being old-fashioned or is it ...
A. 12 February 2009: The definition of cheating is in the eye of the beholder and has various definitions. Some people view cheating as any act relating to sex that does not include their partner (including even thinking about being with another, masturbation, and ... (read in full...)
My fiance lies to me about watching porn!
Q. I have wrote on here before about my fiance being really into porn. we broke up twice over it last night was the third time! He don't have the internet on his phone no more cause he said he took it off so I could stop thinking he was doing it! So ...
A. 12 February 2009: My God, what is this world coming to. This problem is becoming more and more rampant with each passing day.
I went through this with my own fiance. Though it's been almost a year since my discovery, I still wrestle with the repercus... (read in full...)
My wife is leaving me because I cheated
Q. My Wife of 2 1/2 years is leaving me because i was unfaithful on more than one occasion. I realized I messed up and want to fix it, but she just keeps saying no. no matter how much i beg and plead that ive changed and will get better, she doesn't ...
A. 12 February 2009: When someone breaks our trust one time, that is hard enough to get past. With each subsequent lie, the trust becomes that much harder to re-establish. At some point, there is usually no turning back. This is when the damage is done, and it cannot ... (read in full...)
Can two people can have such a special connection and continue to stay in touch and see each other every few months without hurting their marriages?
Q. Is it ever true that two people can have such a special connection and continue to stay in touch and see each other every few months without hurting their marriages? Or is that a fantasy? ...
A. 12 February 2009: No it is not possible. Even if the other never finds out. There is dishonesty going on, and there is a part of you that is being kept from your marriage. The dishonesty keeps you from giving your whole self to the marriage. There is another side ... (read in full...)
Do guys prefer blondes over brunettes?
Q. do most guys perfer a pretty blonde to a brunette. any guy i have known always went for the blondes heavy or thin. do guys not like brunette are we not good enough or pretty enough like the blondes...
A. 12 February 2009: I don't recall which magazine or when (but this millennium I believe). They did a survey with men as to preference of hair color, and surprise, the winner was brunette! Which completely undermined society's thinking that it was always blondes who ... (read in full...)
Am I being unreasonable or is she letting me down?
Q. Last week my best friend died tragically and today was her funeral. The past week has been horrendous for me. My fiance is away visiting family at the moment and has not really what I would consider supportive of my loss and grief. Today ...
A. 11 February 2009: I am very sorry for your terrible loss, and the pain you must feel I know is enormous.
You are NOT being unreasonable to expect your fiance to be supportive and caring in any instance, esp. this one. This is such a difficult time for you, a t... (read in full...)
I'm scared to leave..scared to stay..I don't know what to do!
Q. i have been in my house for 25 years. i moved here to be near my mum and dad, their house was a few doors away. now my two sons ahve left home my mum has died and my dad as gone to shelted housing. i am still grieving for my mum she only died in ...
A. 11 February 2009: We tend to cling to that which is familiar, b/c that is what we are most comfortable with, even if what is familiar is not the best thing for us.
Change can be good, esp. in your situation. I think seeing your parent's house across the way ever... (read in full...)
My b/f spends all his time gaming!
Q. My boyfriend is obsessed with gaming/computers, and will spend upwards of 12 hours a day at his computer. One weekend he spent all saturday on his computer, and promised me that the next day he wouldn't spend any time on it. The next day, he start...
A. 11 February 2009: Virtually anything can become addictive, including gaming. Some people are addicted to nicotine, some drugs, some alcohol, some shopping, some gambling, some the Internet/computer...and others gaming.
Fortunately it is probably the least serious ... (read in full...)
Why do we always fall for the wrong people???
Q. Why do we love people who are wrong for us more than the people who are right for us - majority of the time? Is it cos we have less chance to have the person who is wrong for us than the person who is right for us?? are the good ones almost 'too ...
A. 10 February 2009: In my opinion, modern technology may make people more "available" on the surface, but it doesn't necessarily mean they are "emotionally available"...there's a difference.
Just b/c someone gives freely of their time and attention to us, doesn't ... (read in full...)
How should I tackle the future given the problems my husband and I have had?
Q. I don't know where to start. I've been married to my husband since 2002. We've known each other since we were about 18/19 and got together when we were 21, just after leaving university. We moved in together very quickly - after about three months ...
A. 10 February 2009: I am so sorry you are going through all this emotional pain, with your marriage, with your family, and within yourself.
There's so much going on here, I wouldn't even know where to begin to help you sort it all out.
I would say first work on ge... (read in full...)
My teasing him forced him to force himself on me!
Q. Ok, my husband has been telling me for weeks now that if I keep teasing him the way I do he would make me carry through with it. I never thought he would actually make me do it, but of course I was dumb enough to push him to it. I know you all will ...
A. 9 February 2009: I think he thought you wanted him to do what he did, despite the fact that you said no. Actions speak louder than words, remember that old saying.
He told you for weeks prior that if you didn't stop, he would get to the point where he would ha... (read in full...)
What are some of the things that make women fall out of love with men?
Q. What are some of the things that make women fall out of love with men, and not want to have sex anymore? When you were in a committed relationship and for some reason, things just started to go downhill. Thanks! ...
A. 9 February 2009: I think the biggest reason is b/c there is an issue or problems that fester over time and go unresolved, b/c they are not communicated. One partner may be feeling neglected but never communicates this to the other, so the other has no idea there's ... (read in full...)
What is up with this married GUY???
Q. Hello: there is this married guy at work who always complains and badmouths everythiing, pretty much, every one is miserable there...I'm happy all the time so people gravitate toward me. Well, this guy and I have common interests that revealed...
A. 9 February 2009: He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to stay married b/c it's convenient, b/c of the finances, b/c the kids are attached, etc. But he also wants to have a mistress on the side. Do you really want to play his games? Don't lower ... (read in full...)
I lied and now she can't accept me
Q. i lied to my galfrnd a lot. like i created a fake id with my uncle's name.. and chatted with her . i started this to actually settle some disputes between us so that we will not fight and also to advice her on some bad people in the school who are ...
A. 6 February 2009: You were completely misrepresenting yourself to her. No matter the intent or reasons behind it. The trust has been severely violated. Use this as a life lesson to learn to never lie again to anyone, for any reason (other than if you are trying to ... (read in full...)
He can't deal with the fact I know he's gay, I wish I never said it, what do I do?
Q. I've been answering questions on this site for some time now. I always do it annonymously, maybe I should set up and account, we'll see. Well, now I'm going to ask for some advice. There is this guy who used to work for me, he's only 25, but we ...
A. 6 February 2009: He seems to be embarassed by it. He's avoiding you, so he's hiding from the fact. Maybe you could reassure him again that you will never discuss it with anyone else, that it does not affect your friendship with him, that you will keep it ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't have any sex with me...
Q. My husband doesn't have any sex with me. He went to the doctors and he is healthy. He is absolutely cold, no stimulation, or sexy touch does anything to him. He says he loves me and he does not know what is going on. Could the mistake come from ...
A. 6 February 2009: It certainly isn't normal behavior. Though sex of course isn't the basis for an entire relationship, it is just one more way to have intimacy between two people, and a way of expressing your feelings for one another.
If it's been ruled out that... (read in full...)
Should I wipe the street with his ass?
Q. I need advice. Here is the background. My wife is a teacher and has been at the same school for 3 years now. Well, she told me a little after the beginning of this school year (last October) that this guy, who is an ex-boyfriend started teaching at ...
A. 6 February 2009: Take comfort in the fact that she was honest and told you everything that's happened, so she's not hiding anything from you. It is normal to feel some uncomfortable feelings over this situation - I know I would.
Talk to her about how this all... (read in full...)
Threesome--to do? To not do?
Q. My partner of several years and I have reached a little bit of a turning point in our relationship. Although we have a fairly good sex life; as happens with a lot of couples who have been together for a long time we don't do it as often as we used...
A. 6 February 2009: Talk to your partner and let him know if you haven't already, that though in theory and fantasy you like the idea and think it sounds rather fun, you are concerned about the aftermath and don't want to ruin what you currently have. And that is a ... (read in full...)
My ex broke up and now wants to reconcile, but I have trouble accepting it all
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months now. For the first 12 months, everything was amazing. We got on so well, did so much together. I was the centre of her world and she was of mine. Before I carry on... I'm fully aware of the 'ho...
A. 6 February 2009: I can imagine the pain and hurt you are going through, having been left holding the bag so to speak, and feeling confused about what just happened with your gf.
You two are clearly not on the same page, and there is a timing issue going on. Per... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me I love you after 2 weeks of dating. What should I do?
Q. MY boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 weeks now. Everything seems great and we get along so well. But last night he said I love you to me so it freaked me out and I made him leave and go home... He kept justifying hiself saying he was ...
A. 4 February 2009: Though he is not necessarily a manipulator, controller, or abuser, he is possibly one. This is one of the early signs, though by no means a slamdunk when it comes to recognizing these personalities.
However, go with your gut and be cautious... (read in full...)
I just feel like my husband just harasses me for sex.
Q. Hi! Me and my husband recently got married last year, and sometimes I just really don't want him touching me. Sometimes I feel like he is harassing me for sex. If I say no I don't want to have sex, I have to have a big long, keep you up all nite ...
A. 4 February 2009: Is it the fact that he waited to tell you he was "fixed", or is it the fact that you would like to have kids one day and he doesn't? The latter will be much more difficult to get past than the former, I think. The latter illustrates differences in ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can break up with him once and for all?
Q. If anyone out there can help me, I would be so very grateful... I have a lying, cheating, stingy, emotionally and slightly physically abusive boyfriend. I know I should break up with him. I know he is bad for me. I have caught him on Adul...
A. 3 February 2009: Very good answers and advice here, but that last one (anon. reader) had so much insight into the minds of these manipulative people (sounds like the responder has first-hand experience, unfortunately). It's all true, and right on target. It's ... (read in full...)
Is it worth the risk to fall in love again?
Q. I have a real dilemma on my hands. I reconnected with someone I knew in high school. Didn't date him then, but I ran into him recently at an event. We talked and I was very attracted to him. So, I emailed him and we've been talking over the ...
A. 3 February 2009: Well I guess this is one of those tests of marriage that come up. You will find out just how strong your marriage is, if you are able to resist this temptation and instead put the energy and focus back into working on your marriage. As people have ... (read in full...)
Help with paranoia & trust issues
Q. ok... i have been with my boyfriend for just over two years. when we met i was independent, i wasnt that bothered about whether the relationship lasted to be honest. a few weeks into the relationship i realised i was falling in love. i hav...
A. 3 February 2009: Get into therapy if you can, to mend yourself. Your depression unmanaged will fester your low self-esteem, and it will cause you to have trust (or rather lack of trust) issues that will damage you and your relationship.
Once you are feeling ... (read in full...)
Can we get though this or am I kidding myself that he is sorry?
Q. Hi i wrote on this site a while ago after i found out about my husbands 3 affairs.Since then we have tried to work things out i accept some of the blame as to why he cheated but feel that he should of talked about the way he felt at the time.In my ...
A. 3 February 2009: He has to understand that it takes a very long time to work through what he's done to you. The repercussions are huge and long-standing. He can't expect to talk about it once or twice and then move on and forget about it, as if it never happened. ... (read in full...)
Does beauty compensate for not being sexy in marriage?
Q. I am married for 10 years and have a 7 month old baby. My wife is a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman and a great mother. However for as long as i can remember i have requested her to dress be sexy to some degree. I have spent many hours ...
A. 3 February 2009: Gina's answer is excellent (as always). She brings up some very good issues, namely:
- Has your wife always been like this? Did you enter the marriage liking (or loving) some things about her, but with the intent of changing others? People a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has become violent with me, and I no longer feel I can trust him. Can our relationship ever recover?
Q. Two days ago in what should have been a simple albeit heartfelt discussion about the way our relationship was going, my boyfriend and I started arguing. He swore at me before I had time to finish a sentence or really even start upon what I wanted ...
A. 3 February 2009: Can the relationship ever recover? In a word - no! Oh, it may ebb and flow, fluctuating between good and bad behavior on his part. He'll promise to change, he'll swear it will never happen again, he'll tell you he's not really like that. But ... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts about my marriage and I don't know how to stop them.
Q. Well here goes. Recently I've been having doubts about my marriage, see myself unhappy, feel selfish for being unhappy, and find myself rolling downhill like a snowball that I don't know how to stop. I've been in this relationship for 10 years. It...
A. 2 February 2009: See, that is something you can work on together! Learning how to have fun together!
Try letting your hair down around your wife, so to speak. Encourage her to do the same. You may see a different side to her that you had not previous... (read in full...)
Is having a blue eye and a green eye weird?
Q. what physical characteristics do girls find very attractive? is having a blue eye and a green eye weird?...
A. 2 February 2009: It is unique...mysterious...and exotic. If you find you encounter teasing from others your age, that is b/c they are JEALOUS of what you have and what they don't.
Feel confident (but not arrogant) that you are different in a good way. I went to ... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts about my marriage and I don't know how to stop them.
Q. Well here goes. Recently I've been having doubts about my marriage, see myself unhappy, feel selfish for being unhappy, and find myself rolling downhill like a snowball that I don't know how to stop. I've been in this relationship for 10 years. It...
A. 2 February 2009: I think you are bored with the relationship, and that is not uncommon. It will take work, but there are ways to rejuvenate things and create more excitement.
It may be that you will have to include each other in your different interests. You may... (read in full...)
Why if there is no regret does my husband cry all the time?
Q. Hi there well my question, I found out that my husband was having an affair a year ago,after 32 years of marriage. But he says there was nothing wrong with the marriage but he fell in love again with his first ...
A. 2 February 2009: Sounds like you are coping with the demise of the marriage very well. I am so glad. You've already worked through the trauma of his actions and the loss of the relationship and have moved on. That's what he needs to do.
He has to pay the cons... (read in full...)
I want my elderly mothers last years to be good, but my family are blocking me out
Q. This is not a relationship question but it has been causing me some sleepless nights...hopefully some people on here might be able to help. At the request of the retirement home where she was living, my mom has been put in the nursing home sid...
A. 2 February 2009: I am in a very similar situation in terms of my mother. However, I am in the loop somewhat with my mother's finances. Though I don't see the bank statements, bills, etc., my sister (who has P.O.A.) fills me in on the state of affairs. And she ... (read in full...)
Recently I've been finding it hard to sleep, any ideas?
Q. I am 20 years old and recently ive been finding it hard to "fall asleep" once I am asleep I am fine..I can sleep for 10 to 11 hours if I have to. its just falling asleep thats the problem. i toss and turn and stress out because I have to be up at 7a...
A. 2 February 2009: How is your mood? Have you been feeling depressed at all? This is often the age at which depression or bipolar can surface. You may also have anxiety issues related to your classes.
Anon. male reader's suggestion of exercise is excellen... (read in full...)
Do all married men want to make love to other women?
Q. My problem is I can't stay away from other women. I have been married 9 years and we have two children. I love to flirt and make love with other women but I feel guilty. I am happy with my wife and we have good sex every week (or so). I don't want ...
A. 30 January 2009: Ariel and the anonymous female are correct - if one is not giving 100% to the relationship, it will suffer, on many levels. If a partner is cheating behind the other's back, then essentially they are lying and being deceitful, and when behaving in ... (read in full...)
He perves at young girls and looks at porn, am I overreacting here?
Q. I found out that my 32 year old husband looks at porn online. Mostly just pictures of naked women and women with lingerie on. This doesnt bother me too much BUT I recentely discovered he has been looking at young teens. Now I am only 30 and am g...
A. 29 January 2009: Well, we women find young hot men attractive - we're human too - but you don't see us disrespectfully staring, or collecting hunderds of photos of them on our desktops. I think most women are better at self-control, and I think women are more ... (read in full...)
How often do guys jerk off?
Q. I'm not a guy and I honestly don't understand how men work. I am with my boyfriend for almost a year. For 5 years prior to this relationship he was single. He had to get used to taking matters into his own hands for quite some time. When I first ...
A. 29 January 2009: I am glad I could be of help. After all, that is what this forum is for, to help each other. It is good to get someone else's perspective, esp. if they've already gone through the situation themselves.
Yes, I understand how you feel when you... (read in full...)
Do all married men want to make love to other women?
Q. My problem is I can't stay away from other women. I have been married 9 years and we have two children. I love to flirt and make love with other women but I feel guilty. I am happy with my wife and we have good sex every week (or so). I don't want ...
A. 29 January 2009: Well, we are all different, and I have to respect that much, anyway. Even if the differences are completely foreign to my own inclinations.
Yes, you are correct in that there are many married women who have affairs, sex outside the marriage... (read in full...)
I'm scared he'll run away if I bring it up...
Q. Recently a co-worker I'd invited to my house party hit on a man I had just begun dating. I am not sure what happened between them but something started at least because he did go to her house a few times she said when she blurted it out to me a week ...
A. 29 January 2009: He's being manipulative by making you feel guilty about dating others and making you feel like a player for dating others. He does this in subtle ways, but nonetheless the end result is the same, and this is exactly what he is trying to accmplish. ... (read in full...)
Do all married men want to make love to other women?
Q. My problem is I can't stay away from other women. I have been married 9 years and we have two children. I love to flirt and make love with other women but I feel guilty. I am happy with my wife and we have good sex every week (or so). I don't want ...
A. 28 January 2009: Put yourself in your wife's shoes. How would you feel if she felt and acted the way you do? How would you feel if you knew she was bored with looking at your body? How would you feel if you found out she flirted with other men when you weren't ... (read in full...)
How often do guys jerk off?
Q. I'm not a guy and I honestly don't understand how men work. I am with my boyfriend for almost a year. For 5 years prior to this relationship he was single. He had to get used to taking matters into his own hands for quite some time. When I first ...
A. 28 January 2009: On one hand it's great that he felt comfortable enough to share this with you...on the other hand, it's TMI (too much information!).
I know just how you feel. Long ago I discovered my fiance does this frequently, even touching himself in front of... (read in full...)
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