A
female
age
30-35,
*argentsgirl89
writes:"Cord" is the biological father of my son and "Michael" is the man who has been helping me raise my son since he was 5 months old. Cord died in June of 2009, he was drunk (on Father's Day) and fell off of a roof and broke his neck in three places. I thought that I was in love with Cord, but now that I'm older, I realize that all he ever did was use me. For rides, money, and even as a booty call. When I told him I was pregnant, he told me that I was a whore and the baby wasn't his.He came around in my fourth month of my pregnancy and profusely apologized for what he had said. Later I found out someone had talked him into syaing that he was sorry, so I don't know if he was actually sorry or not. He caused me a lot of heart ache and pain and a lot of stress.Michael I have known for almost four years and Have been dating him for almost two of those four years. Even before we started dating he was there for my son and I. When my son was hospitalized his bio father didn't come see him, I found out later that he went to a party instead of coming to see his son. He had told me taht he "just couldn't see him like that." Welcome to parenthood Cord.Cord's family, his mother and her siblings, used to do meth and some have recently been using and so my son isn't allowed around them. Cord's brother is extremely immature. He claims to be a gangster and a tough guy. Always getting into trouble with the law, drinking and getting into fights. He also isn't allowed to see my son. I don't like going over to their house because I don't know if they might have drugs in the house and my son isn't going to be raised around that kind of lifestyle.Michael has asked me to choose. If I continue letting any of them see my son, then he will leave me as he can't continue our relationship when they are ocnstantly belittling him and undermining his role in my son's life. He doesn't want any of them to have any contact with my son at all, ever again. My problem is is that I don't think I can do that to Cord's mother. I love my boyfriend dearly, he has always been there for me. I don't think it's right for me to not let her see her only grandson, her only reminder of her dead child who died at 18 years old. Who do I choose? Is it right to not let her see her grandchild anymore? I don't know what to do?! Help me!!!
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 November 2010):
largentsgirl89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question "Michael" and I have discussed the possibiltiy of her coming to our house to see her grandson, but he doesn't want her in our home as she is a "crackhead" to him and he doesn't want me meeting her anywhere or going to her house at all. He wants to cut all of them out of the picture. I don't think it's right to not let her see her grandson. Her and I have a pretty good relationship, but not recently because of the rest of the family.
I'm really torn here and I don't know what to do. He has been really good to me, but she always tells me I'm her daughter and she misses us (we don't see her hardly at all anymore.) Who am I supposed to choose? He told me that if I take him to see her or if she comes to see him, he is leaving and I don't want him to go, but I don't think I can do that to my son's grandmother.
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 This is complicated. I think, your son has a right to know and meet his biological grandmother. And she has the right to see her grandson. But you could agree with her and Michael that this would only happen about once a month and not at their house but on an other place, like on a playground ore you and your son go to eat in a restaurant with her once a month ore something like that?
You have to talk about that with your boyfriend. Because I think he is a good man and a good father of your son. But he has to accept that there is a biological grandmother. Once your son is about 16 or 18 or so, it is about him, how much contact he like to keep with his biological relatives.
I'm not sure about his uncle, and the other relatives. You have to know what is best for your son. Maybe you can do a compromise that only his grandmother is aloud to see him?
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Can't something be worked out where the child's grandmother (but only the grandmother) gets to visit at your house? Michael can choose not to be at home when this happens. Finally your primary responsibility is to the child and providing him the best possible environment growing up.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Your first obligation is to the care and protection of your child. That is it.
The drugs and violence that seem to exist in Cord's family suggests that allowing any of them, including meth-using grandma, regular access to your son is dangerous. Period.
If you have any opportunity to move out of that neighbourhood or city and give your son a fresh start in a clean environment, you owe it to him.
-Frank
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