A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a minor question, regarding a problem with my friend.Just this afternoon I have had a message off her on msn, which I am currently ignoring, because I feel like I have been used.The situ is this. At Xmas, just gone I went to her house and gave her, her present, and she said, i won't give you yours yet, becuse i haven't got you a card. And that was the last time i ever heard from her until this very day. My problem is not that i didn't recieve a present, but the way she has just decided to pop up when it suits her. We have been friends for 8 years.And her msg this day said, have you been getting my messages, i lost my phone, i've been looking for you at your works near me but i haven't seen you.The thing that has me suspicious is that she has the internet, i have been online at the same time as her, also she had the medium of using facebook to send me a message. So how could she not get in touch.I know you will probably ask why i didnt text or email her over facebook, but she is one of those who pretends nothings her fault and tries and turn the blame on you, when you confront her, so i felt the wisest thing would be to just wait. And i have, but now i have gotten a message off her, i find i can not be bothered. So is it me being petty? I feel a tinsy bit petulant!Or am i being a touch too sensitive, because it has taken her a whole month to send me a message. She neither wished me happy xmas or happy new year, unlike a couple of friends who i rarely see, so whats the deal.Other friends say i should just end my friendship with her, i feel inclined these days to agree with them.Advice would be very much appreciated,even if it is to tell me to grow up. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Sorry, but you probably are being used. I expect that when because her life isn't going well, when she's sad or lonely and she needs a friend she treats you with respect, but when everything is going well for her she completely forgets about you. This is nothing to do with you, it just means she's self-centred and selfish. Best to forget about her and make friends with people who show you as much care, love and respect as you show them. But before doing that write her a long letter telling her how you feel and what you intend to do about it. If there's a small chance that she isn't really selfish, and really cares about you, she might change. Give her and yourself this opportunity to sort things out, but don't rest any hopes on it.
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Well, I have to confess, that I reacted the same way as your friend did against a good friend of mine. The point was, I did a very nice home work Christmas present for her, but because I was a little lazy, it was not finished on Christmas. I was so embarrassed because of that, that it took me a long time to send her a message. I wanted to wait until the present was finished.
It is probably not the same with your friend, but you don't know, what realy happend. There is some kind of reason and she seems to be embarrassed about it.
If I were you, I would not end the relationship because of this. If she really is your friend, you will not be angry about this - well, not for long. Give her a chance and see how it goes!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (24 January 2009):
 I'm inclined to agree with your friends and your first feeling is that you are being used. However, I have to ask if this is a repeating pattern of behaviour or it is this one incidence. I can think of at least one good and not entirely selfish reason for this happening; namely if shes strapped for cash, couldnt afford a present and was too embarressed to contact you and thought if she didnt you would forget.
Thats the nice explanation; however, if this is a repeating pattern of behaviour your friends are totally right and you should confront her or think about ending the friendship. It really boils down to that; if it's a one-off it can maybe explained away, if it isn't something needs doing :)
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