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writes: My sister (who's 3) was being abused by our parents. To cut a long story short child services called me asking if wanted to be her guardian or she'll be in foster care. I thought about it and her don't want my sister living with brunch of strangers but I'm 19 and I probably will not be able to take care of her. I do want to help her.I'm also a truck driver and I'm rarely home so I'm a really bad choice. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Great advice, Fade. No matter what you do poster. I am sure you want to go to bat for your little sister, to ensure that she gets the best care whether it be with you or foster care. She needs you to advocate for her, strongly and give a voice to her needs and ensure she has a happy future. I think she will need some counseling and some very good, positive role modeling, to get through the trauma of what happened to her. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): How you make this decision is always, always based in the best interest of her and what her needs are. I truely, so sorry for what your little sister, has endured. I can only imagine the great hurt and pain she went through. Because of this trauma, there could be a lot behavioral and emotional challenges, in her future. I commend you for considering the idea of raising her, but at 19, you have to ask yourself, if you would have the best experience and the educated parenting tools she requires to get the help she will need. There are amazing foster care programs out there, with really good, loving families who have the experience, knowlege to help her and to enable her to grow in a healthy, healing environment. She will also need some progression of counseling and help with what she endured, at the hands of your parents. I think the best thing you can do is be her big caring sister, and be involved in the process of finding her the 'best' foster home for her and speak on her behalf. Ask for programs, that will help her heal and recover. Ensure she gets the best home, where you meet the family and one, where you can visit her on a regular basis, and even take her for weekend visits. She will need that connection to family, that bond to keep her well grounded and progressing, on in life, in a happy healthy way. But, she needs quality care right now. She'll need help succeeding where she had struggled so far and usually good foster parents are trained to help them develop positive thinking, .develop positive social, educational, and emotional skills and discover the strength and potential for future success. She needs a real positive parenting style right now..one where her caregivers understand the aftermath of her neglect and abuse. As I said, even if you feel you can look after her, your job is not conducive to her needs. And even if you could change jobs, a 3 year old requires constant care and in her case, special emotional care for what she went through. Foster care is not a bad thing as some people have had great experiences with it. I was one of them. I lived in foster care as a child for 5 years with the most amazing, loving family. They took me into their home, and I became one of theirs..and my best years of my childhood were spent with this amazing family. To this day, they are my beloved Aunt and Uncle..and I respect and love them deeply. So it can work in a positive way. A lot to think about, I know and I wish you and her the best, in the future. Whatever you decide to do...do what is best for her. If you go for foster care...please stay connected..that is crucial.Good luck, dear and take care.
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reader, Enzian  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Hi dear
This is not an easy decision and it is not easy to give you an answer, because I don't know the laws in Canada (I am from Switzerland). But I heard from two children in my country which lost their parents by a car accident. Unfortunately the where given to foster families and their relatives have no rights to see them. And I also heard once that the two sisters are seperated now - but i don't know if that is true. I also don't know if something like this could happen in your country, but I would suggest care about your sister as good as you can. Can't you be her guardian by law, but look for a foster family for her? If you don't know anyone who could look after her, I am sure, there is a kind of social assistance office which can help you to find a family - but because you are her juristic guardian (by law), you are allowed to choose and to see your sister when ever you want. It would also be possible to give her to a foster family for a few years and as soon as you earn enough and have some time - or maybe your own family - you will be able to take of her.
Does this help?
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reader, BLONDII3  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Let Her Be Fostered Babe, I know this sounds sooo bad and she'll be soo mad at you for it when she's older but what choice do you have?1. You're only baisically a kid yourself! 2. You're a truck driver, this is your job, how else would you earn money? and how would you look after her when you're away?3. You have your whole life ahead of you!!Foster parents aren't bad seriously, they are really nice and if she was fostered you could visit her whenever you are at home and maybe when you're older and your circumstances have changed you could come get her again.Also another option is if you have any other relatives who would be willing to help you look after her?Good luck babe xxxx!!
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