A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I've tried to deal with this situation alone but, it's getting the best of me. I got into a relationship in 2006, everything was wonderful, it was like he was made just for me, so we got married in 2007, had our 1st child in 2008. But, a week before the wedding I wasn't sure I was making the right decision and decided to go along with it because I didn't want to hurt my then fiance's feelings. The real problem was I was still in love with my high school sweetheart that had moved away and whom I kept in contact with over the years. We still talk secretly through emails, phone conversations, visits(never sexual) and I believe I married the wrong guy. I'm no longer in love with my husband and want to be with my ex. Should I stay in my marriage since I made a commitment or follow my heart?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Confused5 +, writes (15 September 2008):
Hello,
Oh my i am in the exact same situation. I have been married for 8 years though, with 3 kids. My advice would be take it slow think things through. I feel the same way in the sense that a relationship is 2 sided. My feeling comes to this.. Follow your heart, but really think things through..
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Love ist not about feeling! Real, deep, solid love is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. You can compare love with driving in a sport car. You have a new car (thats when you are falling in love with someone) and you drive on a road very fast. On the back of your car there is a very nice cloud of dust (your feelings) dispersed from the road. You are having lots of fun and very much enjoy this cloud of dust. But then there suddenly you see a cloud on the sky and it starts to rain. The cloud of dust disappears. Now you can make your decision: You can stopp your car and buy a new one (leave your partner and go with someone else) or you can drive on (stay with your partner) and hope that the rain will stop and the road will dry and the cloud of dust will dispersed from the road again. But if you change the car, you can be sure that also in the new car one day it will rain.
Hope that helps a bit!
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A
male
reader, Bronze +, writes (15 September 2008):
You say you don't love your husband anymore because there's been a variable in all of this that you've been instigating. In my opinion, the affection you're feeling for your ex seems more like puppy love, which tends to make people do irrational things or make decisions that they may later live to regret.
Maintaining secret contact with your ex is not being fair, or faithful, to your husband, especially now that you've started a family. You need to take a step back and look at how much you have to lose here.
You really should give your marriage a fair chance to grow, and to do that, you need to sever contact with your ex. However, like sappygirl said, if all else fails, you tried to make your marriage work and won't have any regrets when it comes time to go your separate ways.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (15 September 2008):
 i know a lot of people might dissagree with me, but i think you should not be in the marriage where you are not in love with the person. Relationships and marraige are a lot of hard work and if you are not committed, then you deserve it to the other person to let them know and set them free.
However, I don't think going back to your EX will solve anything either. You may think HE'S THE ONE...but what if he isn't. and that relationship doesn't work out either.
He seems perfect now, but when the stress of life, new baby get in the way, you might find yourself in the same situation.
I think you owe it to yourself and your child, to end contact with your ex and give your marraige a final
chance. Meaning doing everything you can to save it.
By you keeping a relationship with your EX. You have one foot in the past and one in the present.
Let go of the past for now to work on the present, and if you find that you still don't love him and want to be with him, then you will have no regrets ending the marraige because you did everything you can.
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