A
male
age
36-40,
*hippymunk
writes:I'm beginning... Actually, I already think I am. I'm 25, never had a gf, never even kissed a girl, and still live with my parents. I don't think i'm ugly, in fact, most people tell me i'm cute. And it's not like I don't try to ask people out, I just get rejected every single time. You can imagine how much that brings down my self esteem. All my friends have a gf and they'd make gay jokes towards me just because I can't seem to find anybody (it really really hurts whenever they do). On top of that, my parents keep pressuring me to get a gf and seeing as I still don't have one, even they are calling me a loser (literally) and that I should "just move out and live by myself." My older brother is married and my little brother even has a gf. So the majority of the time my mom is blaming and yelling at me whenever she is stressed. Also, one of my friends actually yelled at me and told me to "get my finger out of my ass and just get a gf." yeah, if only it was that easy... So, my parents are calling me a loser, my friends think i'm gay (they actually even asked me if I am), and now even my little brother is starting to make fun of me. Also, I recently wrote about a girl who I thought was interested in me, so I got her email and emailed her but she never replied...(been over a week) But add that problem to fulltime school and work along with volunteering at 2 places and I think i'm falling into depression... Anybody have any advice on what I should do? =(
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live with my parents, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (7 September 2008):
Take a look at what I wrote in the thread "I'm 20 and never been kissed or had a bf! Any advice?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-20-and-never-been-kissed-or-had.html ]. (You'll have to scroll through about half the responses to find mine.)
A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Big yourself up a bit. If your friends take the mickey take it in your stride and hint that you can have no strings sex when you want it. They can't. Work with them on a strictly need to know business. Tell them what they NEED to know and don't tell them what they don't. If a girl asks you if it's true that you have no strings sex when you want it, make a joke with her and tell her that you were fed up with them taking the piss out of you for being single and tried a different approach. As for your brothers, don't take any sh*t from them. You're old enough to stand up for yourself. And your parents? Go for it, tell them that if they can't accept your being single, then you will move out. I can tell you from a girls perspective, a 22-25 year old who still lives with his parents isn't very attractive. Get a job and get an apartment/flat/house. A bar probably isn't the best place for you to meet a girl as most guys and girls are only looking for one night stands.Try not to be too upfront with girls, don't move the relationship along too quickly and don't text her all the time wanting to know what she's doing, where she is, who she's with and stuff like that, it wont look good on you.Try a coffee shop maybe if there's a girl you like, ask her if you can buy her a coffee and a biscuit or something. Women like to be approached, so don't rely on the girls to do the approaching. You gotta mingle if you don't wanna be single.Good luck.x Becky x
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk +, writes (6 September 2008):
Chippymunk is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ah, thanks guys for the advice. But the problem is, I do act confident and happy around people (well, not TOO happy as to freak people out) but it's still not working. Maybe nice guys really do finish last? I've been told that I put people's needs before my own too much for my own good, but that's who I am and I don't think I can change that =/
Anyways, about internet dating. Yep, I've tried it too... With dreadful results. I had no luck on many of the dating sites (and i've tried many), I think there is just too much guys and too much competition on those sites.
Also, I did tell my parents to stop, but they won't. And if I told my friends that I enjoy being single (not really), then i'm sure they'd just laugh at me. I'm not trying to solicite pity or anything, just advice because I have absolutely nobody who I can talk to about these things. So Thanks guys, for all your help! =)
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (6 September 2008):
hiyah you sound like your in a bad place right now and everytime you see the light somebody else comes in and kicks you down. its up to you to get out, you need to want it for yourself not everyone around you.try socilasing more get out there and go for it, youve got no confidence whatso ever and no support so you really are on your own its a harder way to learn but youve been the stronger person by admitting you constantly feel this way so i feel that as a person you can do this. its easier said than done but you need to act sooner.your half way there by talking about it now your there dont stop.
When you find the right one which you will do eventually, tell her you feel this way and what its done to you as a person being honest with her will let you know she genuinly likes you for who you are.
As for your parents having a go, they might not know extally how your feeling so dont be quick to blame them, they only want the best for you and give you this harsh advice as a way of guidance but only you can get there. your old enough now to take actions and responsabilities for your own life, so build yourself up a life and get out there and live.
hope this has helpped let us know how you get on and feel free to post more questions when you need your not alone in this and nobody here thinks bad of you they just want you to have faith in yourself best of luck xxx
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A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Hi thereFirst of all, you need to get some self-confidence. For this you have to start thinking good of yourself! You are not bad just because you can not find a gf! You are no loser! You are ok as you are! It is not only because of you, that you can't find a gf! Well, probably some of it is about you, you may be to shy or to complicated. Maybe you just don't know how to talk to a girl, how to ask her you, how to make her feel special? This are things you can learn. But you probably are waiting for the right one and that is great! Don't just have a gf, just to have one! This is not fair and also you won't be happy! You are still young and there is enough time to find the right one!But what helps to find a girl which may be the right one? You may need to change your lifestyle! You wrote about fulltime school and work along with volunteering at 2 places. Do you have time for a gf? Do you even have time to meet a girl? Can you meet interessting girls at one of your volunteering work places? If not, quit this job! So you will have more time to meet girls. What are you interessted in? Maybe you like take photos? So why don't you visit a course about photographie for example? If you don't have such a hobby in which you could visit a course or something similar, you could try to find a partner in the internet, like natasia said. There you can chat with girls in a easy way! But I hope for you, you will find a good male friend to talk about such things and to exchange experiences with!Good luck and all the best!
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A
female
reader, spn-jj +, writes (6 September 2008):
ok my first bit of advice would be to stop beating yourself up about it, your still young and theres planty of time to find someone....i'm in a similar situation, i am the only one out of all my friends who is still single, most of them live with their partners too whilst im still at home...enjoy being young and care free.the comments you are getting from family n friends seem quite harsh..i would suggest you talk to your parents and tel them how it is putting you down...i often say to my friends who keep bringing up my status that i am very happy being single as i am independant and can enjoy my life (even if on the odd day i dont mean it!!)now advice on meeting that special someone, first off i can only presume you dont have much confidence or self esteem (apologies if i am wrong)...but ask yourself how can someone love you if you dont even love yourself??!?! you dont want to be the type of partner who constantly needs reassurance from the other that they are happy with you...learn to love yourself, act confident even if you dont feel it...keep smiling - nobody will notice someone with their head down!!what about your friends partners, do they have friends they can introduce you to??...or even go out with your mates who have gf's, if their more confident both of you start talking to some girls, strike up some conversation, bit of harmless fun for them and helps you gain confidence in approaching womenhope this helps!!! xx
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (6 September 2008):
 you poor guy. sounds like they're all being pretty unsympathetic. you do need to find a girl, and quick, so i suggest you get on some dating websites and fix yourself up with some dates - some of the girls on there will definitely say yes. and then at least you'll be starting to get some experience of going on dates. and hopefully you'll meet someone you like!!
good luck!
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