A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am curious if those of faith believe that God can make a mistake in bringing two people together? I have been getting to know a man for the past 10 weeks and we are becoming very close. We are both incredibly devout Christians and are sensing that God has intended for our lives to be intertwined (we don't know in what way yet). I feel, very strongly, that this is the man I'm supposed to marry. However, he's already married and has been for the past 5 years. He has two young children (under the ages of 2). I am struggling very hard with trying to figure out the role he should have in my life and whether or not God can intend us for people who are already married. Any advice is much appreciated.
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female
reader, EndlessWays +, writes (29 October 2010):
God does not intend for you to be with someone elses husband. If you are feleing any strong feeling for this man then it is lust. God does not make mistakes. People make mistakes. He is a married man, wife and children = family. Thou shall not committ adultery and that's all to it. You want what somebody already have. Examine yourself. You cannot change anything about God's word. If you want to know what to do right it's in God's word and it's all written in the BIBLE. If you are a Christian and live according to God's word he will show you and no other way. Pray, fast, pray, fast, pray, fast and God's is always there if you seek him. Don't satisfy the flesh. Don't you know that what you want can always be in your face. But what you need is in God's Word. Look in and not always out. Don't sale your soul and miss out on what God has in store for you. To enter into his kingdom what must you do?
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Well, if you're both genuinely devout Christians you wouldn't be overlooking that little snippet about thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife (husband). To my knowledge, claiming to be devoutly religious and then living like hell is by definition nothing but devout hypocrisy.
Either you believe in an omniscient God or you don't. Is the God you believe in capable of screwing things up? Whatever you believe, I think it's rather abysmal of anyone to seek to "sanitize" an affair by using any religion as cover.
Perhaps you're allowing this to affect you as "God intends" when it's really only what you intend?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (24 May 2010):
 God MAY guide us to certain people who come into our lives, and we into their's, but we have to take responsiblity for making choices to approach this person or that, and if it's someone who is not available, such as this man, then even if he approached you first, you have to do the right thing and STEP AWAY. In other words, both of you need to take responsibility for your actions!
There is NO way that God wants anyone to get involved with an already-married man or woman.
Never mind the "snide remarks": people here are trying to assist you. You are obviously feeling very intense about this man, and I acknowledge that you don't want to commit adultery or break up his marriage, but THINK ABOUT IT: if you continue to be closely involved with him, and thinking he's the one you're supposed to marry, plus attempting to figure out what role you should have in his life, and he in yours, this is only going to lead to frustration for you down the road, confusion and unhappiness.
HIS focus needs to be on HIS WIFE AND KIDS. Do you know that a definition of loving someone - i.e., caring for them - is to put their well-being above your own?? Furthermore, to love is NOT about feelings and emotions, but about behavior (notwithstanding that it may begin with starry-eyed romantic stuff).
Finally, the acid test is whether you are able to drop this and walk away without a qualm.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): God does not condone affairs, God does not ordain affairs.
what you are trying to do is manipulate Gods word for your extra marital affair. you claim to be a devout Christian, they be an honourable Christian and please leave this womans husband alone. he is married, he has kids. do not be the homewrecker that is destroying marriages. please go back and read the holy Bible then come back with your belief you meant to be with a married man. doesn't work hun!
to all the other aunts, great responses.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 Wow, even devout christians can be homewreckers? Who knew?Malachi 2:16: “ ‘I hate divorce,’ says the LORD God of Israel.”Can you really get more clear than that?
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 There are millions dying of hunger and war but god is trying to get you to break up a marriage.
I think you are praying in the wrong direction.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): I feel I should add, I do not have any kind of lustful feelings for him, and the role he currently plays in my life is a very brotherly one. I have expressed to him multiple times that I'm uncomfortable with anything that may disrespect his wife or children. I wrote in my question that we feel brought together by God, but we don't know for what purpose. I am admitting, solely here and nowhere else, that I feel as if God is showing me this person whom I am supposed to marry. And, yes, I'm fearful and remorseful because I understand that adultery begins in the mind. That's why I'm seeking advice, I want to make sure I'm guarding my heart and acting in a manner that honors God. I understand that if he made a mistake in marrying another woman too soon, I need to honor that. My question isn't whether or not I should "go for it". It's whether or not people believe that God can bring two people together who aren't meant to be together. I, personally, don't believe the He can, especially when it involves children.I understand the snide remarks, but honestly, please actually try to read the content of the question before immediately assuming all I want to do is become sexual with this man or break up his marriage. I don't feel any kind of physical attraction to him whatsoever and the reason I'm seeking guidance in the first place is so I can seek to the do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 May 2010):
I can't believe you're asking this! You say you are a devout Christian and yet you know perfectly well (I HOPE you do) that getting into such a close relationship with someone who is married is out of bounds! It doesn't matter in the slightest if you have not been physically intimate; its still an emotional affair, and taking away the attention he should be giving to his wife.
I personally think that God does guide us through the insights we receive, and, importantly, through our involvement with our local church/synagogue/mosque community and interactions with people who attend. (For that matter, you can receive guidance in many ways: through a book, or something you may see in a movie, play, lecture, etc). HOWEVER, its possible to delude ourselves when we want something very badly, and to try to rationship it by telling ourselves it's God's will.
I submit to you that this is what you are doing.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (23 May 2010):
WOW! You're incredible! You have chosen to totally throw out a basic tenant of Christianity to rationalize being a force in ruining this man's marriage and negatively impacting the lives to his wife and children. REALLY?
OK, a refresher course in case you were abstracted...
Exodus 20:2–17
"You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
So, oh pious one.... if you're so devout, start cracking the books and see what they tell you. Odds are good that you're in lust (oh, BTW, that's one of the 7 deadly sins...)
God has not parted the clouds and made you horney for this guy... that's you, not divine intervention. If you really think that God has all the time in the universe to step in and manager your love life you need to let him get on with some really important work.
I suspect that you're going to get quite a bit of input on this, and would be surprised if anyone is going to see this as anything except misguided. If it's such an innocent situation, I'd throw it out to your entire congregation and see what they have to say. If you're worried about being shamed, then maybe there's hope for you yet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): He is married, God did not intend you to be together. Read the Bible, especially the bit about adultery.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): You really should be a sales woman, make sure you get a job where it pays commission, you would make so much money you would be able to retire in no time. Talk about taking something and been able turn it round.
This Guy is married, as far as I am aware God doesn't bring two people together so they can break up a marriage.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 perhaps its like adam and eve perhaps god is giving you the apple tree and your to decide whether you should tempt fate ! if he is cheatin on his wife to be with you what will say he will do the same to you faith is funny people follow it but bend the rules if you are really devout then why are you messing with a married man!
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