A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 5 months now and I feel like our relationship is fading quickly. My boyfriend used to be so attentive, calling/texting daily, making time to see me, and generally doing all the right things in a normal relationship. However, now it's totally changed. He is so boring to be with now. He doesn't want to do anything I suggest when we go out. He only wants to do what he is interested in or else he won't go or make an excuse. We used to see each other about 2-3 times a week and call each other everyday. Now I'd be lucky if I get to see him once a week! He took up a second job about a month ago and I understand this is what is contributing as to why we don't spend time together as much. Also, I understand he is busy and is under pressure. But it's been two weeks which I feel is long and he hasn't made any initative to come out on a date with me. Recently, he doesn't even call anymore, not even on his days off. I'm the one that's calling or texting him. When we do talk, he wants to get off the phone after like 5 minutes when we haven't spoken for the whole weekday period. When I talk to him, it doesn't seem like he is even paying attention! I get so frustrated, I don't know if he's not into me anymore, he's just tired from work, or maybe he's cheating on me. He's a completely different person and I'm getting fed up. Should I just dump him and move on? It doesn't help it when all my friends tell me I deserve and can do so much better than him!
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 May 2010):
 Should you make one last attempt to talk to him?
Well, he did tell you that its his new job taking up so much of his time, plus paying bills, getting things done, so evidently it's not about you (not wanting to see you).
You COULD see if he's able to add one more evening or weekend day (or part of a weekend day) so that you'd be getting together twice a week rather than once. As you say, tell him how you feel (but without blaming or making him wrong, of course).
The thing is, if he is not willing to compromise, are you going to be very upset and disappointed if you feel you have to cut your losses and move on?
If it would be devastating, then you might want to not attempt another communication. But if you feel you can handle it without too much disappointment, I'd say go for it. Third option before you decide to call or not, is to weigh all the data you have at this point.
I wish you all the best! Let me know how it goes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Denise for the advice. I've tried to talk to him before about us not spending as much time together in person. He said it's because he has this new job, he has lots of bills to pay and clearly I can see that he's stressed. So that's why I backed off and allowed him his space. I don't want to add more pressure (about going out) to him since he has a lot on his plate already.
You're right. I am losing interest. If I'm not spending time with him on a daily basis or at least having quality conversations via phone then it really doesn't feel much of a relationship to me. I think I'm just eventually.... going to wander somewhere else.
Should I talk to him one last time and let him know how I feel - as a last attempt?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 May 2010):
As I see it, you have two choices: one is to send him an email (not a text)saying that you are wondering just what is going on, does he have concerns in addition to the pressure caused by taking on a second job, and that you miss him. Or, you could try phoning him and mentioning your concerns then. But, this is awkard because you don't really know why he is so out of touch.
Or, you could just not get in touch with him, and let it fade into the background.......it could well be that your friendship has simply run its course and he no longer has the interest he once had. But you say you are finding him boring and difficult when you do meet, so I wonder if you are losing interest yourself?
Wish I could be of more help.......good luck!
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