A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have had a sort a here and there relationship with a friend at uni, we are both have admitted that we like eachother at the end of last year, and we are still attracted to eachother now and imo would work well as a couple, but everytime we have gotten close to that stage he has backed away. We are going to be flat mates next year which troubles him as he doesnt want any awkwardness, and he has been hurt in the past by relationships so now feels jaded by them. I have tried to get over my feelings for him, but we spend so much time together (especially more recently) and are very close and touchy which makes getting over him hard. He has gotten jealous when other guys have seemed interested but still wont make a move. When we spend time together we almost act like boyfriend and girlfriend without anything sexual (Occasionally we have been but he says he is not interested in a purely friends with benefits situation) He says he is attracted to me but then he says he loves me as a friend and then feels guilty when we did get physical because he didnt want to hurt me or lead me on. He sends so many mixed messages and I don't know what to do, I can't get over him while we still spend so much time alone together and are continually flirting and holding hands playfighting cuddling etc, and I don't really want to stop doing this either, I see him everyday and I can't help this as we do the same subject. I'm asking for advice and any insights into his behaviour because I am so confused by him and we forever seem to go around in circles. Sorry for such a loooong post! I needed to explain it and please answer, thanks.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 First of all, DO NOT have him as your flat mate next year! If he is attracted to you now, but feels guilty whenever you've had sex he backs away - whether because he has been hurt in past relationships or not - just think how much worse it's likely to get and how fast things could really deteriorate if he were living with you! No, NOT a good idea at all! Sorry!You, on the other hand, would be well advised to cut waaay back on all the flirting and cuddling, even though you like it and don't want to stop. This is only adding to his (and your) confusion and uncertainty. I know you see one another every day, but cooling it and acting much more casual is your best bet at this point. MAYBE his feelings will then become more clear to him, and he MIGHT decide he wants a commitment after all - but don't count on it!
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