A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, in really confuse, sad and needed an advice. I have a boyfriend. I love him so much, he said he love me too. Im too serious in our relationship and im hoping that this wll lead us to marriage. Today i make a joke to him about getting married, and he make it clear to me that theres no marriage will going to happen. Thats hurt me so badly but i didnt let him notice that i feel sad. I dont wanna lose him cos i love him, but now i know that we are just gonna be just like this. Im really hurt. I wanna run and just be gone in his eyes but when i ask my heart, it says i cant without him now. Im a singer, im thinking of working abroad. Maybe if im far maybe i will learn to accept the situations, maybe i will get use to the situation. I really dont know how to react now. All i know is in hurt now, very hurt. Please anybody i need advice.. thank you so much...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2015): just tell him "darlin, you just past your sell by date...im lookin for a serious step into marriage,so no more sexfor you ,im back onthe prowl".
Give him 2 weeks of that and he'll change his tune.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 November 2015):
 This is not what you want. Never give up your dreams for any man! If you dream of marriage, then do not think you can settle for a simple relationship. It isn't what you want. You will not get used to the situation, you will always be hoping for more, and you will grow to resent him from keeping marriage away from you.
You need to let him know how you feel. And you need to let him know that this is what you want, not just some idea you have, but a dream for you, and that you will not be satisfied with a relationship that isn't going towards marriage. If he is adamant that he will not marry, then that is a deal breaker, and you and him simply ar enot compatible.
Sure, when you "ask your heart", the heart will ALWAYS say go for love. The heart will say this even if the man brings you nothing but grief and sorrow! That is what you need to understand. The heart is always hopeful, the heart is always full of love and ready to give more. This is what hearts do. That doesn't mean you need to listen to the heart!!! Because the heart will always give you this answer, for as long as you have feelings the heart will give you this answer.
So, when it comes to matters of happiness and compatibility, you need to ask your HEAD. Not your heart. The heart will only see the right here and now. The hurt of breaking up is, here and now, worse than not ever being quite happy. The HEAD will tell you otherwise: the hurt here and now is WORTH IT for future happiness. The head will tell you to end things, in order for you to pursue the man that is right for you, the man who wants the same things in life as you do, the man who will be capable of bringing you happiness, the man which will not make you "get used to" things, or give up your dreams for.
Listen to your head this time, not your heart.
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A
female
reader, LonelyTomboy  +, writes (7 November 2015):
Hello,In this modern era, a lot of people, particularly men, have resolved to not marry. It's not an unusual situation to find yourself in. What you must do is assess why he might not want to marry, and try to see through his side.Generally, people do not marry for one or more of the following reasons:-Past experiences, either personally or indirectly. They may have been married and divorced, or may have witnessed their parents' divorce. A lot of men and boys try to keep a stiff upper lip in these cases, but in the end not sharing their feelings causes damage psychologically and they develop a fear, not of marriage, but of the divorce they see as inevitable. Generally these people are the first to crack a marriage-stereotype joke that implies marriage always ends in divorce.-Romantic Appreciation for Love: rarely, but common in certain groups like pagans, minimalists or hippies, some people say marriage is worthless because the people are bounded materialistically (the rings and the document). Generally these are the hipster, off-grid, non-mainstream people who like new ideas.-"not-gonna-last": these are the despicable people who plan on taking off without notice once they get bored. Marriage restricts their ability to do this, so they avoid all suggestion of it like the plague. If your relationship with him has lasted over a year, it is not likely he will take this path.-"not what it used to be": more old romantics. These people commonly protest against "divorce without reason" because it breaks the entire point of the marriage vows. They believe that, by getting rid of divorce (and therefore the escape), people would be more careful about the choice of marriage, and make less mistakes.-"why only one?" Has he ever had an affair? Even a small one when he looked suggestively at someone else? Then this might be the risk. He might crave multiple partners once he can find more. In that case, marriage is "out of option" for him because he knows you can sue him for adultery and get his money.-"don't you trust me?" This person may feel hurt that you want to rush marriage, as if you are suggesting that they are the cheating kind and you want to box them in. They have no interest in cheating in you, but don't want to marry until they know you are happy either way. You wouldn't like it if he was convinced you were being unfaithful, would you?Not always does someone who doesn't want to marry have bad intentions. Try to see his reason, be supportive of his point of view, and don't coax him into marriage all the time. If he loves you, you could spend the rest of your lives together, even without marriage. You don't need to lock him into marriage in order to keep him. Still want to celebrate with a wedding, though? Loads of women want the wedding. If you move in together or into a new house, maybe throw a "wedding-themed housewarming party" where you get to fulfil all your wedding dreams in a mock-wedding without making him feel uncomforteable. Just express your desire for a wedding, not a marriage, to him, and he might just agree and play along. From then on, you are "married" outside mainstream conditions and you live together long-term, just without the wedding certificate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2015): I'm sorry that you're hurt. It's not you--he may love you very much, but he's one of those kinds of guys who don't want to commit fully. The very thought of doing so sends him into a panic. You need to think about exactly what it is you want. Can you continue with him knowing that he'll likely never marry you? If so, then there's no problem. However, if you want marriage and he doesn't, you may have to end the relationship and find another partner who wants the same things that you want. In that case, I think you two need to sit down and talk about the issue. You need to tell him how you feel and the consequences of his decision. I think that going abroad with your singing career is a good idea. And it may be just the thing to wake him up and make him realize that he could lose you forever. Plus, it will make you all the more appealing to him as he'll see you as strong and independent.One of my friends lived with a man like this for many years, and I was shocked when he actually did come around and marry her. So it's not beyond all possibility--just, I'm sorry to say, very unlikely that he'll change his mind.Good luck! I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji  +, writes (7 November 2015):
 Ask him why he doesn't want to get married, speak it out and come to a mutual agreement. There must be reasons behind it. Everyone has different opinions in relationships but that doesn't mean it's wrong. You will just need to communicate on a serious note, and come to some sort of understanding which will make you both happy, maybe an engagement? Sounds like it's midway.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (7 November 2015):
 Hon, maybe he fears the whole idea of marriage but is happy with a long term exclusive relationship with you?
Why do you want to get married? Because he doesn't want to get married doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or want to spend the rest of his life with you.
If getting married is so very important to you that it is a dealbreaker, well then you know what you have to do.
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