A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m falling head over heels for a boy at my university. The problem is he’s a real player and sleeps around A LOT. But could he be relationship material? He’s literally all I can think about lately.He’s 21 and has that proper Jack the Lad personality which I love. He’s also drop-dead gorgeous and has an amazing body. I should know, I’ve slept with him twice. We hooked up during fresher’s week a couple of months ago and then again a few weeks later on a night out. What I like about him is that yes he sleeps with a lot of women but he’s honest about his intentions. He doesn’t want a relationship, he’s just after some casual fun. He also always plays safe and uses condoms. I can appreciate that he’s enjoying being young, free and single. I’ll admit I’ve slept around before, I know what it’s like. The main thing is he isn’t leading these women on. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to sleep with him. At the time I was fine knowing that it wouldn’t lead to anything so just made the most of some casual fun with him. We had two great nights together.But recently I’ve gotten to know him better because we’ve been working on a project at university together. Underneath that ‘laddish’ persona he’s really a kind, funny, caring guy. His Granddad passed away last year so he makes sure he finds the time to ring his grandma every couple of days just so she has someone to talk to. When he said she gets quite lonely my heart just melted for him. That’s such a sweet thing to do. I’m not sure if he sees me as anything more than a friend though. The other night I was out on the town and saw him out as well with, surprise surprise another girl in tow. I do get jealous knowing that he’s getting with all these other girls but at the same time I know they’ll only end up being just more notches on his bed post.We get on really well and I think we have lots in common. But am I chasing a lost cause if I ask him to be more than friends? Part of me thinks if we did get into a relationship he might not be able to help himself from straying after a while. Then again he’s never actually had a proper relationship before, I think he might enjoy it! I have lots to offer and think I would be a great girlfriend lol.What do you think I should do? Can I tame him?
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condom, jealous, player, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (2 December 2015):
Chigirl absolutely nailed it. Spot on A+ advice. I suggest you read it well.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 December 2015):
 It's not about taming. That's controlling behaviour. When in a relationship, it's all about accepting the person for who they are, and if they want to come closer they will, and if they don't then you need to respect that.
What all this means is that he is not going to be your boyfriend in the immediate future. You said yourself he likes being single, enjoys playing the field and sleeping around. That is what he wants. A relationship is not what he wants. It's not about whether you'd be a good enough girlfriend or not, its about what two people want, and if the things they want don't coincide then it wont happen.
If I were you, and I wanted this boy as my boyfriend, then I would play with the cards at hand and with the information I have. He likes to play with an open hand and is always honest about what he wants. So I'd be honest too about what I want. I'd tell him that I like him, and ask him out on a date. If he says no, they at least I gave it a shot and wont have any regrets. Then move on. If he says yes, then there you go, you've got a date and a chance at being a girlfriend, as you would with any other guy you go on a date with.
Btw, just because a guy sleeps around when single doesn't mean he can't be monogamous. There's a difference between what you do as a single person, and what you do when in a relationship.
I say tell him what you want, ask for a date, and see what happens. If he says no, then no harm done and you can move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2015): You will never get a commitment out of this player.And being notch on the player's bedpost, you also lost your chance of ever getting a commitment out of any other guy in the player's circle of male friends.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (2 December 2015):
 Don't ever try to change someone. Many people make the mistake of being in a relationship thinking that their love/care/concern will change a person. You can't change someone and they will only change IF they WANT to. This guy sounds like he is perfectly happy just the way he is and if you are expecting to tame him, all you're going to get is heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2015):
 Can you tame him? Nope!
Stop hooking up with him if you want a relationship. Because if you want a relationship, it won't be with him. And you'll be missing out on meeting other guys.
This guy is a time-waster, unless you are so bored you have nothing else going on?
If you are using words like "notches on his bed post" then you have an old-fashioned approach to life and this guy is not old-fashioned, despite calling grandma every so often.
Pass! Next! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2015): To be honest you wouldn't be asking this question if you could- he would have already been with you after sleeping with you but he hasn't, both times. Everyone has a soft side but it does not mean they are neat or that nice to outsiders. Respect yourself more and stop laying yourself on a plate for him like all these other girls.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2015):
 you are asking for heartbreak if you sleep with him or try to have a proper relationship with him.
nothing you say or do will change his personality.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2015):
 Nope, he is who he is, and he is fine with that.
Thinking "if only I could change this or that he would be perfect!" is fantasy. Reality is, he is a "player" because he CHOOSES to be one. He might still be one in 10 years. He might not HAVE the maturity for a REAL relationship so he sticks to casual sex.
You say one thing and in the next sentence the total reversal. You say you are OK with being a notch in his bed post but on the other hand you want to "tame him".
IF he was ready to "settle" down with ONE girl in a relationship you'd know, but he has been upfront and honest about what he wants. He wants as many sexual partner as he can handle.
So listen to WHAT he is saying.
"He doesn’t want a relationship, he’s just after some casual fun."
You are just "fun" to him. And yes I'm sure he can have great conversation with someone he isn't serious about.
If you are looking for a BF? He isn't it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 December 2015):
 You may get in line with the ooodles of other women who have become smitten with guys who aren't who they want (them) to be.... and they're SURE that they can bring him around (read: CHANGE HIM) to just who they want him to be...
Please be sure to give us a follow-up report, later, so that we might share your success with you...
Gooood luck...
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