A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Lately when I'm having some "special me time", I can't orgasm. Like, suddenly I get too sensitive down there, and I have to stop. I have to. It's not the sense of too much sensation like "I'm about to orgasm", it's too much sensation like "Wow, okay, this is uncomfortable, can't handle this". Does anyone else have this problem? What am I doing wrong?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2015):
 Wait until you are home alone. The other people in the house are just distracting you, that's why. You're unable to concentrate.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (3 October 2015):
 Hi again,
thank you for filling me in, as to your exact situation.
This helps a lot.
I had suspected that you were not feeling fully relaxed, safe, feeling somewhat uncomfortable and maybe even a wee bit nervous.
Most of your negative feelings at present, are surrounding the fact, that you weren't alone, the last time you tried to orgasm.
As i mentioned within my first msg, you must find a quiet, comfy, private and safe place to reach full orgasm.
Also and more importantly, you are still a virgin and you've only orgasmed once before, so with all due respect, you will take some time, to get fully used to it, and to feel fully relaxed and comfy.
Basically, to know and to find out, what works best for you.
You will find your rhythm with time and how long this will take, i can't say.
For some, it's a short while, for others, a long while.
The length of time, really matters not, because what's most important, is that you are comfortable and you're in the mood, thus enabling you to want to try, hopefully getting aroused and reaching full orgasm, but even if you don't when you next try, that's ok too.
Don't be too hard on yourself and beat yourself up, feeling as though you've failed somewhat, because you haven't, not at all.
You are human, things happen, it is what it is at the time and you have the option of trying again, until eventually, things will begin to happen again.
Btw, i would also encourage you to 'not' use a vibrator for the time being.
Use your own finger instead, as you will be more in control of what you're doing, especially as a beginner of sorts, in this matter.
By using a vibrator, you may be over-stimulating yourself and as you pointed out, you feel uncomfortable in your clitoral area and this would be most likely caused by over-sensation, over-stimulation.
This can actually ruin things and can feel uncomfortable, so go lightly for now and be more gentle with yourself.
The female clitoris is at its most sensitive, when it is touched more tenderly, especially at first, then you can build it up, but the tender touch and getting in 'tune and in touch with yourself and your own bodys rhythm' is going to work more wonders, than by using a vibrator.
A vibrator is ok, but perhaps try your own hand, just to see the difference and to see if it makes any difference for you.
You've nothing to lose and if you don't at least give it a try, you'll never know what works best for you.
Also, before you try, start trying to arouse yourself, your senses, by way of thinking sexy thoughts, thoughts that really turn you on.
This will surely help on numerous levels.
I do wish you well and if you relax fully and wait until you're completely alone, i am sure things will work out for you.
I also know, that being distracted, before and/or during wanting and trying to orgasm, will make it much harder to reach the goal.
Please get back to me and let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your answers, that actually opens my eyes a little bit. To answer femmenoir, no, I have not had any bad experiences previously. I'm still a virgin. To answer chigirl, yes, I have had an orgasm before, a couple months ago. It was my first, and so far only orgasm. I'm thinking what it is is that before, I only masturbated when I was home alone for the weekend and knew I had plenty of time to myself. Recently, I've tried doing it when people are here, and I have to force myself to stay quiet, so that might be messing me up. I've also been using a vibrator most of the time, and I'm wondering if that's too much clitoral stimulation, cuz that's where it gets uncomfortably stimulated, is on my clit. Do either of you have any more advice, or should I just stick to waiting until I'm home alone?
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (3 October 2015):
Hi,
from what you're describing, it sounds like it could be a myriad of factors that are somewhat 'getting in the way' of you being able to orgasm successfully.
I am unsure as to how long you've been having this exact problem, or as to whether you were able to orgasm easily prior, but regardless of the past, right now, is where you're at and it's obviously bothering you.
Firstly, when you are alone and trying to orgasm, try going to a spot whereby you feel, safe, secure, where you feel you have full privacy and above all else, where you feel totally 'relaxed'.
Many find that laying alone, on their own bed, is a great and comfy spot.
If there is anything on your mind, 'remove it' whilst you're trying to orgasm and even think of romantic, erotic, or dirty thoughts, if you feel comfy doing so and if you're really eager to orgasm and find that sexual release.
Now, i don't mean to sound rude, nor crude here, but if you're a bit dry and you aren't feeling super relaxed and comfy, then it will definitely make it much harder to feel aroused and to reach full orgasm.
Most times, as you're building up to orgasm, you will automatically feel more aroused, hence getting more wet and making it easier to climax, however, if you're nervous, scared, worried about something and/or anything, you won't gain full arousal, hence it'll be harder to feel super aroused.
You could try using KY jelly to assist, if you are not getting fully aroused. This will definitely add to better sensation and make you feel more comfy.
Also, i don't mean to offend, but as you've not given us too much info to go by, i'm wondering whether you've had a previously bad experience with orgasming, whether it be alone, or with your partner/ex partner, considering these hypotheticals are true?
Either way, you need to focus 'solely' on what you're doing and you must 'relax fully' and this should make a difference.
Again, remove any 'external thoughts' out of your head.
It sounds as though you have already set yourself up for failure, by way of telling your inner self, that you can't do this, you can't orgasm.
It's just too hard, too sensitive, etc;.
You are still young and i also wonder if this is a whole new experience for you?
If so, i wonder if your feelings are a direct consequence of what you may have heard, surrounding masturbation/orgasm and whether this is impacting on your ability to be fully relaxed, in touching your own body and relaxing fully into it.
Is it possible that a part of you feels somewhat 'guilty' for wanting and trying to orgasm?
If so, then all you need to do is to change your mindset, by telling yourself, that it's ok to explore your own body and it's ok to reach full orgasm by yourself, provided you feel safe and confortable doing so.
You are not self-harming, you are not committing a crime, you are simply exploring what in essence, is part of being human and even part of growing up.
I wish you all the best and please let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 October 2015):
Have you ever had an orgasm before? Is this just a recent problem, or has it always been like this?
If it's a recent problem then I wouldn't worry too much, just change things up a bit and try something new. Maybe a new toy, watch some porn or think of something new that works better for you. Or maybe you've changed something else in your life and it's distracting you/you got out of your routine.
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