A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I bought my hubby a cup with the words, love you more then shoes on it. He accidently broke it and said he would get another but he still hasnt. it hurts me that he hasnt replaced it and it shows he doesnt care. I've reminded him to get it and said it upset me he hasnt got another but hes still not bought one. In anger I threw away a fridge magnet he got with the words, love you my babe and was going to replace it but think why should I bother because he didn't replace the cup. Should I let this upset me so much? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2015): Just buy him a new one, that say's TWAT.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (4 December 2015):
I agree with the others...this is hardly a situation to get angry over. I would be more understanding if HE wrote in and asked what to do about his wife who threw something at him because he didn't replace a broken cup.
Perhaps he really didn't like the cup or its message. "More than shoes"? Maybe he doesn't like some of your shoes, thinks you have too many shoes or spend too much money on shoes. Or maybe he thinks your already have too many cups. Perhaps he keeps silent about this to keep the peace in your relationship but was reminded of something each time he saw the cup.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): I'm glad my partner doesn't get this mad at me when things are broken. I am incredibly clumsy and I break so many things. I don't know what it is but my cupboards are full of odd plates and dishes because of it.
I know you meant well buying him that but the idea of a gift is to make the other person happy, not yourself. Why do you buy gifts for people? To make you feel good?
I don't think men really get overly excited about things with I love you plastered all over them either, he broke it by accident whereas you purposefully threw something away he gave you in anger. At the end of the day they are just possessions, you shouldn't be so upset by it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 December 2015):
 I agree with SVC
There is SO much more to this than a broken mug/cup.
My husband broke MY favorite Star Wars mug and I was actually a tad pissed off. I had had that for 20 years. It was also not replaceable. He has broken another cup that was part of a wedding set my parents got (my mom always thought it was ugly but growing up those cups were my brother and mine on cano- and camping trips) So loads of fond memories there too, and that is just the tip of the iceberg of things my husband has broken. Because of a shoulder injury it happens/has happened that he has dropped things almost randomly. All I can say is I'm glad he never dropped any of the IMPORTANT things... like the kids when they were babies!
The cup is a thing! It's replaceable. IT IS NOT a reflection of his love for you, or (hopefully) your love for him. Buy him a NEW mug. Make it the UGLIEST or the MANLIEST you can find. His favorite sports team, TV show, or make one with YOUR picture on it!
It's a cup, lady.
So what is the REAL reason for this over the top reaction to a broken and not replaced mug? Want to talk about it?
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (3 December 2015):
 I agree with the others who say there is far more going on than just a broken cup. Its a glass. Why are you placing so much emphasis on it? What is REALLY going on? That's what you need to ask yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 December 2015):
 No, you shouldn't let this upset you so much. My question to you is, is this a deliberate feeling, or something you feel unable to control? In other words, are you upset because you feel entitled to it, and are asking you if you are entitled (in which case it's a choice you've made, and can let go of the feelings if we tell you you're not entitled), or is this an overwhelming feeling that you can't get rid of and act out because you feel you must?
Breaking a stupid cup and not replacing is NOT a big deal, because the cup did not embody your love for him. There is a difference between a wrong judgment, and a genuine resentment/feeling over something. My bet is, you're not asking for approval to feel the way you do and then you go ahead and feel it is a punishment of him. You feel what you feel, whether it is rational or not, because there is something else going on here. I don't see how any rational human can throw a fit about a cup. It's a cup. Did it cost you blood and tears and had magical powers? No. It was a mug, a sort-of-cute mug that can easily be replaced. Your anger issues are not about a cup. It's about something else that you're not telling us.
My guess is, he's been letting you down somehow in other areas, and you're using this cup as a symbol of it. He doesn't replace it out of neglect, so perhaps that is how you feel in your marriage: neglected. If so, deal with the actual underlying issue at hand, and don't make it about a CUP.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 December 2015):
 Talk about "making a mountain out of an anthill"!!!!!!
I think your submittal 'says" 'way more about you than it does your's and hubby's marriage....
Think about this (and the opinions given before me).... and see if you might let this pass without further ado....
Good luck.
P.S. I would have fixed the cup!!!!
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 December 2015):
 I think you are way overreacting here - and I agree with SVC, this sounds like it could be exposing deeper issues within your relationship.The straw that broke the camels back... if you like.The whole point of giving someone an object like this - a cup, a magnet, a card..... it is because YOU (the giver) are showing your feelings about someone else (the receiver).Life happens, breakages happen, losses happen. But for him to replace it with an identical thing would be a bit silly. Buying yourself a mug like that..... ? It would be like buying yourself a valentines card, or a birthday card, with gushing words about how great a GF/wife you were.All the meaning is lost, and it just becomes an object. A mug. Do you see what I am getting at? The thing to have done here would be to say "oh no! That's a shame", and then get him a new one. These are objects you give to someone else, not buy for yourself.I am quite sure he did not deliberately break the cup, just to annoy you. You however, deliberately threw out the magnet, purely through spite, and that says a lot.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 December 2015):
 All this angst over a mug?
By all means let it upset you this much. Let it consume you and shape your future and be the defining event in your marriage.
It's a mug.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 December 2015):
 If it was a wedding band I would understand. My husband lost his wedding band and knowing how important it was to me he ordered a replacement the second we got home from the trip we were on. That told me a lot.
But this is a cup.... it was just a cup... was it something overly special? why does this cup mean so much?
Is it possible that you are being overly upset about a cup as a way to be upset about something else that you don't really want to deal with such as his lack of love in general?
BTW if you throw out a magnet he got you as a way to punish him or teach him... it won't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): You need to give some money to charity because your problems are so superficial that you are loosing touch with reality.
Then offer to help out at a food bank.
Donate a couple of cheery cups to the homeless and let them do what they want with them or provide some food for the deprived for Xmas.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2015): Does he know how you feel? To him he might just think it's a cup without realizing you see it as a symbol of your love for him. How is he otherwise, do you feel he loves you? Do you feel loved? Seems like you need to talk to him about this, but without anger over the cup.
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